Top 10 Reasons...

By popular demand:-)

Click below to read my archived Top 10 L Word recap lists:

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Episode 7

Episode 8

Episode 9

Episode 10

Episode 11

Episode 12

This Is Genius...

My friend Amy Kuney posted this amazing video two days ago and I'm still in awe. She's playing the part of JUNO and Bleeker from the movie "Juno." So to catch you up to speed in case it's not clear, she's just one person. This is not a twin situation. This is a split screen, although I still can't figure out where it's split. How cool...



...I bet my other friend Jenny Owen Youngs is kicking herself for not doing this first;-)

www.myspace.com/AmyKuney.

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 5, Episode 12 Was Like Diff'rent Strokes and Willy Wonka!

**Episode recaps start from the bottom and work their way up (just like someone else I know...) ;-) Scroll down to start from the beginning! If you'd like to see my Season 6 recaps, click here!

10. Jane Lynch and Holland Taylor in the same episode. Of course Holland gets more points for being My Lover Helena's mumsy. But they both always do a great job. And turns out that Holland was Willy Wonka all this time. Wouldn't that be a cool movie?

Mummy Peabody as Willy Wonka
Helena Peabody as Charlie
and introducing little Arlan Peabody as Grandpa Joe!


9. I got my baby back...baby back...baby back...


8. Twenty Questions. Well not literally 20. But I've just had some nagging questions for a while and I need to get them off of my chest. So here goes:

-What the hell is Adele's back story? Adele called herself a "Jonny Come Lately" in this episode (which, bi the way, is similar to my nickname: "Arlan Come Often"), but where did she come FROM? Ya know?

-Did the writers just walk over to the "Two and a Half Men" set one day and say, "We'll take two of your best"?

-Did that Terminator chick (Paige...for that one chick who reads my blog and HATES when I call her "that Terminator chick") do Shane a favor by burning her shit down in the first episode? Cause Shane really hasnt looked back. No more skater kids. Maybe all the guys that worked at Wax went on that playdate with Angelica?

-Now that we have Tibette, can we give em back?

-Y'all remember when they changed the set during the last couple of seasons of Diff'rent Strokes, and that Dixie Carter and her little boy Sam--who looked absolutely nothing like her--moved in? Yeah those were good times...

Hey I didn't say all the questions had to do with the show!

- Nikki is 20. And aren't Jenny and Shane like...in their 30s? They should know better. S'alls I'm sayin.

- When Phylis said "I don't know what's gotten into her (Molly)." Who else was screaming "Shane! Shane got all up in Molly!" at their screen? Anyone. Anyone? Bueller...

7. Max's two lines. Yep, I counted. He had two lines. Or does it count as just one since it was just the first line, then him repeating the first line? I sure hope Daniela doesn't get paid by the word. ;-)

6. I got my baby back...baby back...baby back...some more.


5. Three words: erect Shane nipple. Of course pronounced "nip-play" or "nip-pluh" depending on which part of my brain you're from. Topless Shane taking naked pics of Sleeping Molly while topless was kinda creepy but definitely hot. You know that book Angelina Jolie was in a few years ago called "Women Before 10am?" I'm thinking Shane should do a photography book called "Women I've Done Before 10am." Haha, that reminds me of something my BFF Sarah said to me yesterday on the phone: "You do more before noon than most people do all week." Same can be said of Shane...eh?

4. "Cal-Mart"? No they di-ent! Haha, come on y'all. You mean to tell me Alice couldn't get Tasha hired on to do security on her national TV show? Or how about being an Ourchart guard during the Max/Alice vlogs for the day Alice insults Max for no good reason one too many times and Max finally switches to the Hulk. Oh, but what's hotter than Cal-Mart security Tasha and military Tasha? Popo Tasha! That girl should have her own doll. And Shane's should come with a vibrating tongue and an extra vagina.

3. Hell hath no fury like a woman's "CORE". *sigh* Oh Jody. Or is it Jodi? Or is it...oh it doesn't really matter. Some ladies like to burn your shit (ahem, Terminator chick) and some ladies like to just create 100 thirty-foot screens and put your face on them in front of all your colleagues. The art piece was so good, I'm not even gonna ask questions about where she got the footage. Nope. Nuh uh. I refuse. If the writers and I are going to be drinking coffee (that I won't be pouring, thank you very much) during writers' meetings this summer, I gotta cut them some slack. Just a wee bit. Ya think?

2. "Kate French Kiss" or "A Low Down Flirty Shane." I couldnt decide!
Ok I know you guys probably missed this part, but Shane and Nikki were messin' around outside of the wrap party, right. Yeah you probably went on a potty break or to refresh the popcorn and Jack Daniels bucket you had floating around your watch party. But let me tell you...there was boobery GALORE...and gaWHORE. They um...well the sun went down on Shane, Shane went down on Nikki, and I went down to the floor cause I lost consciousness for about 45 seconds. What I'm saying is, it was almost as hot as EVERY DAMN DAY with me and Mcphee. S'alls I'm sayin. I would normally scream this at the top of my lungs...but given the sensitive nature of said sexuousity, I will just whisper this respectively, "thanks...Jenny's...left...boob..."

1. My lover, Helena. Let us take a moment to reflect on the beauty that graced our screens last night, shall we. Helena's back and it was confirmed last week that she will be back for the final season as well. And now that she's all frugal and shit, we can really hang. I'm gonna go get the car gassed up and ready for our trip to Target while you guys peep this clip with my lovers Helena and Cindi...oh and in case you're wondering, the 3 of us are quite happy together. Fanks.


I have big ideas for next season. Ilene, call me! We'll do lunch.

A Good Start...

I'm racing against the clock at a kinkos in Houston. Just flew in a couple of hours ago...visiting my mama. So this has to be a quickie. I promise though, you'll get yours.

I'm kind of obsessed with Maria Taylor and Azure Ray stuff right now...

(www.myspace.com/mariataylor)

Uh Huh Her New Album and Tour!

Alright my little sex kittens. I've got some good news for those of you who are fans of Leisha Hailey. And for the 3 people who read my site and are NOT fans of Leisha Hailey, how on earth did our friendship last this long?? Hmmm...

Leisha and Camila Grey's debut album "Common Reaction" will be released on May 20th and you'd be a fool not to take advantage of their pre-sale on their myspace page beginning April 1st. They're also hittin' the road indie style on a 17-date club tour of the U.S., so I'm sure they'll be seeing plenty of hotel rooms like the one in the pic above.

I'm not sure who they're touring with this time around--although, might I again suggest a miss Jenny Owen Youngs--but they mentioned during a SXSW video chat that they've been talking to Tegan and Sara about touring together sometime after the L Word's 6th season wraps filming later this year. That'd be too hot to handle, wouldn't it!

You can click HERE for the list of dates and titties cities for their upcoming tour. Leave a comment and let me know which city YOU'RE going to see them in!

Fo' S-Cho!

I told y'all Ellen was getting gayer with each episode, didn't I?? And today she helped prove it by having Margaret Cho as a guest. She also had Pamela Anderson, who I consider bi-by-association.

What's hotter than an Obama/Clinton ticket? A Degeneres/Cho ticket! I mean how hot would it be if those two lesbotrons went on tour together? Throw Roseanne, Janeane Garafalo, Sarah Silverman, Kathy Griffin, and Tig Nataro on the bill and make it a the Lilith Fair for comedians and I think every gay person ALIVE's head would simultaneously explode upon hearing the news. All I ask is that they take me with them as their traveling life coach or groupie wrangler...or to simply brush Portia's hair each night on the tour bus. I'd walk around all day wearing one of these: and I'd show Portia what she'd look like with corn rows. It'd be 24-hour, 7 day a week hotness...on wheels.

Friday's guest? Marlee Matlin. Yep I'm telling you, if you stopped watching Ellen cause you thought it was getting too predictable, now's the time to start tuning in again. Tivo that biotch. Ya heard.

Which Is Gayer: The L Word or Dancing with the Stars?

I'm just gonna go ahead and call it a tie.



It's special cause she can't hear the rhythm of the music. It's the same reason Adam Carolla should have received a standing ovation. ;-)

Hmmm...you think Bette's gonna call in and vote?

Aw that Gloria Estefan song reminded me of this:


Come on, you know you were jammin' to the Spanglish version of this one when you were 10. Don't hate. *singing* por siempre...por siempre...stand on the rock of your loooove...

For more info on "Dancing with the Stars," click here.

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 5, Episode 11 Was PMS City

10. Melanie Lynskey.

Aw I love her. I've always thought that she should have guest starred on "Will & Grace" as Karen's younger sister. Don't you think?? *sigh* I'm going to forgive her for slipping in and out of her New Zealand accent during this episode. She's just spent from doing such an awesome job with the New Jersey accent in "Coyote Ugly," a British accent in "Ever After," a southern accent in "Sweet Home Alabama," and her SoCal accent on "Two and a Half Men." She tired, y'all!

9. Max told y'all.

He did. He kept tellin y'all and tellin y'all but y'all wouldn't listen. But whew, all is well now. Cause as soon as you figured out (even though he already told y'all) that Max was right, you ran to your cellphones to call him and let him know and thank him SO much for the good lookin' out. Wait, I'm getting a message from my producer (aka Miss Kitty )...Oh, they didnt...call him? They didn't even thank him? Oh ok. Ahem...well...Max is hot y'all. Woohoo!

8. "I hope you bleed soon. I really do." What was up with Tasha and Alice's Uhaul drama? And tell me this: PMS? Really??

This one's a temple thumper. On one hand, you could argue that yes, this show is seen mostly by women who understand the underlying inside joke that is the ghastly (and gassy?) PMS. But er uh...for real, I have never blamed PMS for as much as they did. And I'm an asshole;-) I know there was a rhyme and reason for this theme somewhere in the writers' room when they started this episode. I'll just have to ask them what it was when I'm sitting there this summer:-)

7. Kit was about to set it off! But Foxy, you put the gun in the same pocket as yo cellphone??I can't tell if that was:
OR ?

6. ...and cue...director. Adele is still crazy, but damn if she doesn't get hotter in each episode. She proved in this episode that she'd be an awesome porn director. As long as there was a camera on her giving the directions as well. Good times. I'd like to officially declare this Adele's theme song:


5. Bette and Jodi in the battle of the crisp pant suit. It was a roller coaster of emotions. Bette was confused. Jodi was confused. WE were confused. But I think
Adeles crazy must have rubbed off on Bette cause she was trippin'.

Bi the way, I found the pic they used on Y? Magazine for me and Mcphee's power lesbian feature:


4. ...and cue...phantom video editor. Haha...I almost fell off of the couch again during the scene where Adele shows everyone Jenny and Nikki's tape. It was supposed to be from the video camera they sat down on the table, right? Then how in the HELL (and imagine me saying this with my Texan accent at full throttle) did it have cuts and different angles and shiz?? That was some funny shit. Ilene, next time you need that sort of scene done and there's no time, call ME and I will fly up there with my own video camera in tow, shoot the scene at knee level (ahem) and after watching it 50 or 60 times down at my local pub for some audience feedback, I'll send you the finished product.

3. They finally remembered Angelica. Baby girl has been on that play date for weeks! I thought I was gonna have to call Child Services.


2. Shane is *lesbian Macgyver* smurf. I mean I've seen the Pepsi can turned bong plenty o' times. But Shane worked it out. Now I'm not saying I agree with or promote the use of canibus, but I've got to admire the sheer creativity that is Shane's different forms of pot inhalation/digestion. The only thing she likes more than pot and bitches, is her BFF Jenny. Aw...

Jenny will be Blanche when she's older and Shane will be Sophia. Yep. I know you'd think it would be the opposite, but mark my words, you.

1. I get my baby back baby back baby back...I know what you're saying. She wasn't even on the show! How could she be number 1?? Well first of all, shut ya cake hole. And second of all, I saw her beautiful long hair and legs and fingers and...*sigh* yeah I saw Helena during the previews for next episode. Truth be told, I knew she was coming back for the last episode for weeks. That is why I kept pounding my chest and throwing a dove to her in each of my recaps. But the actual confirmation and proof that she will in fact be there gets the #1 spot on any list, at any time on my site. Ya heard?
Aw Rachel Shelley...how do you do that voodoo you do so well?

AND! as a bonus, this reader just let us know that Rachel Shelley WILL be returning for all of Season 6. So um...rejoice:

Thanks Jenny's...left...boob!! ( ;-) @ Jill)

Terra Squad

My friend Terra just posted this new vid on her youtube profile and dedicated the song to me:-) It's a Patty Griffin cover. It was 1:30am where she recorded this (London) and she still sounded amazing...especially towards the end when she really just goes at it. *love it*...What do you guys think?

Pour Some Sugar On Me!

I'm really excited to announce a new reality show on LOGO called "Gimme Sugar" that some of my friends are on. It doesn't debut until June 9th, but it's already getting some very cool buzz. As someone who watched a lot of it being filmed, I can tell you that it's going to be very entertaining to say the least.

The show follows my good friends Alex, Charlene and Robin and their friends Bathilda and Davonee as they tear up West Hollywood:-) You've probably seen the video footage that I've posted from the friday nights at Truckstop with the chicks dancing on the bar (and each other)...well this show is based around that night and the group of lady-lovin-ladies that run the night. Who knows...you might even see me and my black Lola Ray hoodie lurking in the background in an episode...haha;-)

I've been trying to embed the trailer for this cause it's really cool, but so far, there's no embed code. So to see the trailer and meet the girls, go to:
http://www.logoonline.com/shows/dyn/gimme_sugar/videos.jhtml#, scroll down a bit and click on "watch clip". Be sure to leave a comment on this post and let us know what you think cause the girls WILL be checking out your comments. They read the site on a regular basis...so those bitches better;-)

My Open Sticky Note to Leisha Hailey

I know you wanna say it...

I know you do...

"I'd...go gay for...arlan"

Yep:-) I'll be waiting on that vid, thanks!

myspace.com/idgogayforangelina

Win an Autographed CD From Missy Higgins!

Missy heard about all the talk of her on my site! She appreciates all the amazing feedback you guys have been giving so she sent me some CDs to give away:-) One person will win the following:

-An autographed On A Clear Night CD

-Missy's Where I Stood EP

-Her Sound of White CD

All you have to do to win is leave a comment on this blog with your first name, age (or range), location, and email address OR, if you'd prefer, myspace url. I'll choose someone randomly to win on Tuesday, March 18th. And you never know who might be checking out the comments to see what you have to say;-)

The Older She Gets, the Gayer She Gets...

I've received dozens of messages from my readers in the past few days about Sally Kern's recent idiotic and frightening speech. Yesterday, during one of the gayest episodes of Ellen I've seen in a long time, Ellen wasn't afraid to address it:



Then the gay...stayed:


I love Danny Noriega. American Idol should have him come on as a correspondent or something...or a style judge. Somethin...*love him*

You can't tell me this isn't hot:

My Wife's Secret: She's Totally Naked Under There!

In case you missed my wife on American Idol last night, peep it:



...and when she says "he" and "him," she of course means "ARLAN."

Mcphee Appearance Alert!

My wife Katharine Mcphee will be appearing on Wednesday's American Idol results show this week.

I will be watching. You should too.

Oh and we have a special signal to each other whenever one of us is singing on American Idol or Good Morning America. Up until now it's been a secret, but I felt like you guys are close enough that we should feel comfortable revealing it to you. Anytime Mcphee looks hot, she's saying hi to me. Anytime she looks sexy and fine, she's really saying, "Arlan, I love you. Wait up for me."

So keep a look out!

Fight Homophobia.

You might have seen this new video featuring Portia de Rossi, T.R. Knight, Sara Bareilles, Janet Jackson and others speaking out about homophobia. If not (and even if so), take a look:


One of my readers, Louise, and Ruth (Lizzy the Lezzy's creator) are just a few people helping to keep the new "Fight Homophobia" YOUTUBE STREAM going. They're having a sit-in that I'd love for you guys to help us out with. Just click on the url: http://www.youtube.com/stream?s=1785069568 and read their mission. We're basically keeping our browsers open to the stream throughout the day so that it will become more popular on Youtube, thus getting more exposure and helping spread the message. The videos are awesome, so check them out!

Another reader started a Lawrence King facebook tribute page that has more than 50,000 members already. If you have a Facebook account (or want to start one) you can support it by going to http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=8872347853.

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 5, Episode 10 Was All Sorts of Dramarama!

10. Shane's hair.

I continue to be mystified by it. Did you notice that it actually looked better after the first leg of the bike ride than it did before it? Shane somehow managed to do her hair while riding a bike AND being chased by (hot ass) Molly. The Fonz can do anything. Oh and that whole bike chase scene is exactly how it looks when Kate Moennig tries to get coffee in an eco-friendly way in West Hollywood.

9. Tasha 'nem. I wanna hang out with Tasha 'nem at the Coco Bar one day. I was a bit confused though about why these particular friends pronounce her name TASHuh. ash. Tash. Pap-ee. Pop-ee. Hmmm...

8. Dykes on bikes dykes. Alice said it best: "thats what these rides are for; curing cancer and one night stands." True that, Alice. The same can be said about me. There were lots more memorable lines like Molly's entire yelling scene, and most notably "...same with riding a girl!" True. But uh, since when is Shane's mantra: "just because you can do it, it uh, doesn't mean you should." Tell that to the Chart, Shane:



7. GIRLTRASH! Yay for the use of Girltrash shirts in this episode. With the recent news of season 6 being the last season, I hereby nominate Angela Robinson's GIRLTRASH series to take over and fill the void in our aching lesbian hearts. Who's with me??

6. Tasha. Girl you crazy. Rose Rollins' laugh has to get its own spot on my list this week. How great is it?? I think if I did kick it with Tasha 'nem at Coco, I'd be in stitches (and britches) all night.

5. Smores and some-whores. I've figured out a pattern. Anytime the L Word cast is exposed to some sort of heat, they get even better. Last week it was the crazy heatwave in L.A. This week, it was a roaring campfire. A few weeks ago, it was the oven baking those gay pot brownies. You see what I'm saying? I think when Shane said to Tina, "I ain't a ho...BITCH!" I fell off of the couch. Oh how I'd love to kick it with them around a campfire. That should be an extra on the season 5 dvd. Just me and the gang, tellin ghost stories. Drinking brewskies. Trading yarns. Touchin' boobs. You know, whatever happens, happens. I'd be willing to also act as director, videographer, production assistant and best boy grip (hee) on this shoot.

4. Tina Turned-Her.


Hmmm...I feel really sorry for Jodi, BUT the good news is, when she hid out in her tent, she got a fax (cause they have fax machines in tents in my version) from ABC telling her that she'd been cast on Dancing with the Stars. She said "screw you Bette" and hit the bricks.

3. Dana Lives.


For more info, go to
cms.komen.org and
www.bike4breastcancer.com

2. Shane's Clitoral Tutorial. Um...ok I have to compose myself. Un momento, por favor. *3 full minutes later* Ok y'all 'member that time when Shane and Molly had left the campfire and they were all like...ya know...doin it and stuff? And y'all 'member that time we all watched with bated breath as Shane taught Molly how to go down on her? And um, y'all 'member that time I was all like "Y'all, I can't breave right and my legs are numb. Get help!" And y'all were all like, "We can't get help. We can't breave right eiver and our legs are numb." So we all just sat around and took turns hitting the rewind button on our Tivo? 'Member that?

1. I can't type or think of a title for this. I'm too busy trying to remember my name. It's a good thing Kate French has it tattooed to her side:

Ok everyone, have a seat. I'll take care of this one. I'm just gonna grab an apple crate from my bedroom and stand on it so you can all see me in the back. I will be speaking with a British accent, so do not be alarmed. Ahem...ok...Ilene, you remember when I wrote you that long-ass message last year and I yelled at you for not showing us enough nudity, boobery, lesbian-style sex and all around nakedry? Did you just stand idly by and give us a tiny bit of tit for our troubles? Did you say, Aw heck, there's too much naked lesbian boobery in the world. Why should I give them more? No Ilene. You stepped it up and let us see the beauty that is the ebb and flow of Kate French's ass giftwrapped in a strap-on harness. I thank you Kate French's harness strap-on gift-wrapped ass. I thank you, Ilene Chaiken for making up for season 4. I thank you Mia Kirshner for your amazing gift-giving talents. And most of all, I thank you...Jenny's...left...boob...for ALL that you've done this season.

And to my dear Helena, this is how gay I am for you:

Dat's Just My Baby Mama...

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler make me happy to be alive. What do you say we all go on a date and see this when it comes out?



Speaking of SNL ladies, I also would very much so like to marry and impregnate one Miss Kristin Wiig. This skit from two Saturday's ago kinda made my month:

Top 8 Reasons to Go Gay for Missy Higgins

8. She already went gay for you.


7. I still believe that Michael John's from this year's American Idol is Missy's long lost Australian brother:


6. "...it sounds kind of like something that’s squishy and small and that makes squeaky noises." She agrees with me that the word "widget" is a necessary evil and has embraced it:

<embed src="http://ecards.tenminutemedia.net/missy/widget.swf" width="400" height="480" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border="0" width="0" height="0" src="http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/CIMP/Jmx*PTEyMDUwMTYyODk5OTEmcHQ9MTIwNTAxNjI5NTUwMSZwPTU*NzIxJmQ9Jm49.jpg" />

5. She's the anti-diva. Thursday night I had a chance to catch her concert at Chicago's Parkwest Theater (best mid-sized venue EVER, bi the way). As always, she was humble, engaging, and...rockin'. At one point after taking a sip from her water bottle and randomly noticing that it said "now with 30% less plastic," she wondered aloud if that meant it also had 30% less water. I *heart* her.

4. She said the words "massive bra" (brar) on stage. I dig that.

3. That one chick who proposed to her during one of her songs...and the goosebumps I got during this song:


2. I'll have a tall vanilla aussie with a shot of awesome, thanks. When she sings this song live, she makes you feel like it's summertime and you're lying in warm grass under the stars...even if it's 17 degrees outside (true story):


1. Every other woman at the show was a dyke. The other half were with their manfriends/husbands. So I got to play my favorite game ("Dyke!") Dyke. Straightie. Dyke...Straightie. Oh there goes another dyke. Oh there goes another straightie. By the end of the night though (much like my house parties), everyone was a lesbian. Even the dudes. Missy just has that effect.

One blogger said it best:
"The second reason this concert was ridiculous is the sheer number of ladies who like ladies in attendance! Like, (I) seriously played competitive basketball for a cool 1o years and I have never seen so many crew cuts (on women) in the same room...!"

Amen.

As If We Needed Any More Proof That P!nk Should Be Having My Baby...Baby...

She jumped on stage at the Key Club on Sunset in L.A. on Monday and rocked out with some rocker...dudes. Don't know the band, but I do know the Guns N Roses cover and that Pink is my baby mama, for real y'all:



Didn't you just love that Ashlee Simpson line at the very end?

Pink: tour the U.S. again!! A-Sap, yo.

Oh and while we're on the subject of baby-making:


It's my 140th or so time seeing that. It's just hot.

My Interview with Missy Higgins!

Click here to read it on Suicidegirls.com

.

What Would Pepe Do?

Pepe would rock the FUCK out of this BRAND NEW video from *out* rocker Otep Shamaya...and then break shit.

Mmm yeah, bear down on it like you mean it:


Its ok if you licked the screen just then. I won't tell a soul.

Click here to read my interview with Otep. We totally talk about doin' it and shiz. Visit the band OT3p's official myspace page at myspace.com/Otep for U.S. and Canada tour dates.

Hi Pepe;-)

Just An Observation:

Hillary Clinton reminds me of Martin Short.

And I'm certain that Dionne Warwick and Randy Travis are the same person.

That is all.

The Fonz Rides Again

Reader "Just Cirroc" is the wind beneath my wings this week. Knowing my love of the Shane/Fonz analogy, she just sent this in:



Yes. Yes, indeed.

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 5, Episode 9 Was a Walking Ad for Rolling Blackouts

10. Tasha got her hur did, yall. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! Aw they let our girl let her hair down AND put some make-up on. I haven't been this excited since they combed Adele's hair a few episodes back, and anytime they put a hot comb to Kit's hair.

I do want to point out though, that if it really was as hot and muggy in L.A. as they were trying to make us think, Tasha's hair would have lasted a good 15 minutes before looking like this:

(I know of which I speak)

9. Seriously, can I please be Jane Lynch when I grow up?? I've also decided that when I am her, I want to be her in a white tank top and suspenders. ALL the effin time. And while we're playin' Santa, I also want to be that "Lesbian scene 69, take TWO" clapboard person on the L Word set if it gets a 6th season. You hear that Ilene and co.? Holler at your girl. I do a mean "take 69!"


8. "...the first sign of bullshit, I walk." Pam should have said that the first time she saw that her script had her saying "who dat?" I bet you Mia did.

7. It's official: Every hot woman in Los Angeles is either gay or on their way to being gay. It has to be true. The L Word says so.

6. Max got laid!!! He still gets blatantly ignored by every other person on the show and inexplicably dissed by Alice every chance she gets, BUT Max got some ass. And you know why? No soul patch. Yep.

5. Don't be fooled by the cock that she block. She's still, she's still Jenny from the...
Come on, didn't ANY of you feel sorry for her during the earlier scenes with dumb shit actor boy doin her girl? And for those of you (like me) who think life is at its fullest when Jenny is being ridiculous, she did not disappoint. Aw, monsieur!


4. The Fonz outdid herself this episode. From her middle finger, "how's that for a signal?" line, to her boob filming (which, by the way, is exactly how all of my vacation videos look) Shane had some of the best lines/expressions this episode and Kate had a TIT playing them. You see, I was going to say "had a ball" but then I thought, ew, no. So I'm now coining the phrase "...had a tit." Ok? Ok.

3. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! I studied the tape and took the following boob count.:
4 pairs of bare boobies = 8 boobies
4 pairs of bra-protected boobies = 8 boobies
Jenny's left booby = 1 booby

Hmmm, I probably got the count wrong. I should watch it 14 more times to make sure. No, no it's ok. In the interest of accuracy, I'll take one for the team.

2. "Double D's" Shebar bitches sit down:

I thought I was going to have to have a Top 20 or 30 list this episode because of how entertained I was during this scene alone. This is what I'm thinking: since the writers and actresses are having so much fun this season, we are too. So they should be given a 6th season to wrap everything up and bring it back to season 1's storytelling and film-like quality. And of course, to bring Dana back as a ghost who helps Alice with her relationships, Carmen back so we can look at her ASS some more, Papi back so we can say "Ay Papi!" for another few months without sounding completely lame to ourselves, and Helena back so that I don't have a cow. No seriously, I thought I was going to literally give birth to a cow last night when I realized once again that there was no Helena on my screen. Or on my chest.

1. "Everything is perfect now."
(aka LESBIAN FUCKFEST 2008 and possibly 2009 if they used all of the tape actually used to get these scenes):


The following sex is what contributed to this being my favorite episode of the season:

-Sweaty Bette and Wet Jody Awkward sex
-Happy Max and Cute Boy Dude sex
-Niki and Adele Single White Female Near-Miss sex
-Niki and Jenny Oh My God Kate French Marry Me sex
-Shane and Molly Funny, So True, but I'm Scared of What's Gonna Happen with Them Next Episode and Bi the Way Clementine Marry Me I Promise to Never Drink Too Much and Forget Your Name EVER Again sex
-Tasha and Alice Making More Taffy and Bi the Way Leisha Hailey Marry Me sex
-Bette and Tina Love in Elevatuh, Lesbians Around the Country Losing Their Goddamned Minds sex

...and to my dear, sexy, oft shirtless Helena, I just wanna say:

I'll be here when you get back.

Lighting Ellen Page's Flame

Thanks to my token straight bff Sarah for making sure I got this clip out to you guys:



Haha. God how many of us wanted to be on the receiving end of that leg hug. Wow. I put her on my "Stuff Lesbians Like" blog for a reason:-)

I will make it my life's mission to interview Ellen Page this year. Just you wait...

Music is My Girlfriend...

I recently received this message from an awesome reader:

My name is Shae. Ive started a queer culture blog (film, music, sex) this year with a theme of queer travel/location. (I want it to) accompany the queer women's travel video series that I'm developing right now. My passion is travel and digging up underground queer women's scenes around the world. So I'm trying to do something I love and make it accessible.

What I see with the blog is it helping me develop community worldwide around the travel video series because I'll need help in every town to produce the hottest, funnest, local 6-8 min tour of the location. I want locals in it and I want to feature local art stars-queer artists, writers, bands, etc. I've produced some content already. I was in Brazil and now I'm editing a queer women's guide to Sao Paulo.

While in Sao Paulo, my girlfriend and I produced a Rock Star Guide to Sao Paulo with Luiza of the band Cansei de Ser Sexy or CSS for Rhapsody.com. Do you know the music? Its dance music and very popular right now with the youth, including lots of queer kids.
- Alexa Shae

Shae wanted me to share with my readers that ultra entertaining vid with Luiza from CSS--and bi the bi, did you know the band's name translates to "tired of being sexy" and is taken from a Beyonce song? And here I was thinking I was the only one tired of being sexy...


Hot! Visit CSS at myspace.com/canseidesersexy. Check out Shae's blog and give her feedback on her ideas at www.shaevoyuer.com