...but he thinks like us most of the time and I kinda wanna make out with him.
Jay Brannan is the kinda guy that you're either obsessed with (Margaret Cho is in this group) or you've NEVER heard of. There really seems to be no in between with this dude.
If you're in the *never heard of him* category, take a look/listen to this video. If you dig it, chances are, you'll be in the other category very soon:
This is a song I relate to a LOT:
("At First Site")
Here's an official video...it's pretty clever...and talk about a gay anthem!:
("Housewife")
Visit Jay's myspace page @ myspace.com/JayBrannan. There you'll find another one of my favorite songs of his called "Goddamned." Tell him Arlan sent you. He won't know what that means, but do it anyway ;-)
I know about a job opportunity for us that some of you might have not heard about yet:
Every 10 years the U.S. government conducts a national census. This is a HUGE undertaking and requires the government to hire hundreds of thousands of temporary workers.
They've been conducting interviews and hiring people since October (maybe even earlier?) and are reaching their deadline to have everyone hired. I don't know all of the details about this, but I believe the jobs start at the end of February and last between 5 and 10 weeks, depending on your location/position. I think for these particular jobs you also need a car because you're going door to door taking... well... a census.
The cool thing about these jobs is that they're pretty high paying. Like in San Fran, they start at $22/hour. Other cities around the country range from $10.50 to $22 (haven't seen higher than that yet).
Ok so if you've been layed off and you need some income sooner than later, go to this website to get more information and to find the number to apply: http://2010.census.gov/2010censusjobs/index.php
If for some reason those links don't work, just google "census" and it will take you to the appropriate sites. Remember, only trust the .gov sites listed.
I'm not getting anything by referring you guys to this, and I make no claims about how cool or comfortable the jobs are going to be. But they seem alright and I already know 2 of my friends/family that are going to do it. They called the number, left their information and were both contacted the same day and scheduled for testing and an interview for within a week. The gov isn't messing around on this gig, it seems, since it only happens once every decade and they gotta get it right.
Hope this helps someone! Let me know if you end up going in for an interview.
I do believe clicking on this link will take you to my brand new facebook profile. Add me as a friend to get exclusive updates and that extra helping of *gay* your body needs to grow and reproduce.
And if you haven't already found me on myspace...well head on over to myspace.com/idgogayforangelina while the gettin's good.
10. Helena & Her Glasses. My baby can read the EFF out of some blueprints, y'all. Bet you didn't know. Bet the hot body and accent threw you off. One thing though, why oh why did she and Kit have to be wearing glasses while they were working on budgeting for the club? It was kind of like an elementary school play where you have to dress the kids up in over-the-top gear in order for the adults to understand what the hell the play is about. If only it had been a storyline about Helena's stripping addiction. Hmmm...maybe Jennifer beals could teach her a thing or two?
9. When Tasha and Alice Aren't Fucking or Laughing, They Get on My Last Nerve. But to be fair, that is true of EVERY single lesbian couple I know. So what are ya gonna do. (pic from: www.thelword-downbelow.com)
I'm really not sure what happened between that really romantic moment where Tasha ran out of the courtroom lookin' all cute in her uniform and she and Alice got so romantical and shiz...and NOW, where every other scene they're biting each other's heads off and getting all PMS city on our asses. But as the characters realized in this episode, when they're gettin' their taffy on, things are good. And when Rose and Leisha are doing their improve scenes making each other laugh, things are good. So hopefully episodes 3 through 8 will just be a montage of Alice/Tasha sex then laughing...laughing then sex...sex then sex...I mean laughing.
8. Leave it to Jessie Spano to Use Up All the "Fuck" Points.
...but damn if she's not looking good!
7. Helena & Her Jogging Outfit. I've never wanted to be a more in my life!
6. Jane Lynch, in All Her Funny-Ass Naked Glory. I told y'all bitches that I wanted to be Jane Lynch when I grew up. And I used to think I wanted to be her in a white tank top and suspenders. But now I know, I HAVE to be her completely nude. At all times. Cause wow, I thought after watching 40 Year Old Virgin, Best in Show, Role Models (and the list goes on...and on.... and on) that she wouldn't be able to surprise me or impress me any more. But oh my did she prove me wrong. Just naked. And chilly. And naked. That bitch is crazy. And I love it.
5. The Chronicles of Helena... All of Leisha Hailey's work in the club scenes was hilarious, but the best part had to be at the end of her *Helena rundown: Seasons 4&5 in exactly 60-seconds* spiel when she said "...and don't get me started on the kids, cause where did they go?" Amen Alice! Amen. Where the EFF are Helena's chil'rens? And you can't blame their absence on me because I told her right off the bat, if you want to be in a relationship with me, I want to get to know your kids. I'm a do right, all night, woman. And then we, ya know...did it. 4. I Never Thought I'd Say This, But... There are TOO Many Damn Lesbians in L.A.! At least in L Wordland. Now I've lived in L.A. for 2 years and I get it, there are a LOT of us there. A LOT. Don't believe me? Just try to get into the Falcon on a Sunday night to watch the L Word. There are a lot of lesbians. A plethora of bitches. And I've found that there are a lot more of what you'd call the "femme" type. Several of the lesbians are professional and out and proud and fabulous. But DAMN. In L Word land, all of the cops, military personnel, club owners, hair dressers, professors, lawyers, computer techs, sports professionals & actresses (oh wait, they're right about those two), grocery store checkout girls, UPS delivery drivers (...oh wait!)...etc are LESBIANS. And not only are they the gay, but they're SUPER hot. I of course know that its just a show and its a mixture of fantasy and realism--since I've defended that aspect of it from day one--but something about this episode was just a bit overwhelming when it came to that. For once, I'd like to see a hot straight girl show up as a friend. We all have those, right? And she's not even fighting us in court or yelling discriminatory slurs at us. She's just eatin' her chili fries and mindin' her bizness like the rest of us. I think the reason they keep losing Baby Girl is cause she was demanding too much of a salary. So instead, they split it among all these bitches that showed up in this episode. At last count I had: Elizabeth Berkeley Jane Lynch Alexandra Hedison Cybill Shephard Marlee Matlin But that's nothing compared to what ended up on the cutting room floor. I was able to get the exclusive clips!:
3. Helena in Her...Oh Shit, She's Yelling, Y'all! I'm making the official declaration that it is completely OK to use the word "fuck" as many times as you want to while on the L Word--as long as you are Rachel Shelley and you are either yelling it at someone or moaning it in my ear. I didn't make the rules. I am just here to enforce them. By the way, this is what it looks like when Helena isn't yelling at Dylan:
2. Max Has a Beard and is Pregnant, Just Like Your Grandma. Well I can't complain about Max not getting any lines or any semblance of a plot for so many episodes and then get upset when they go ahead and give him the plot of ALL plots, now can I? But I just have to say um...WHAT? And also: WHAT?? And on a completely different topic, WHAT THE FUCK? What do you guys think of this plot twist? Are you afraid they're biting off a bit more than they can chew with only 6 episodes left? Or are you glad they're finally giving Daniela Sea a meaty script so she can like...actually say words and stuff this season? Are you just as confused as I am about why Max called that dude a "faggot" so many times and kicked him in the balls? Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie em in a knot... Oh and uh, I never thought I'd say this either, but uh: I want the SOUL PATCH BACK, man. 1. The Kiss Heard 'Round the World.
K here's the deal. Shane and Jenny totally made out at the end of the episode. I know most of you don't like this for some reason that I haven't really figured out. And yes, it's strange. Yes, it was unexpected to the 50% of y'all who didn't steal the whole season off of the net weeks ago. Yes, it makes you wonder what the hell the writers were thinking. But I stand here today and I ask you this: What plotline on the L Word since Season 3 hasn't made you wonder this?? Let Shenny 'lone. Let them BE.
BONUS! I have a lot of heroes in my life who give me strength, courage and hope. Today, I add another person to that list. Her name is Melissa. And though I've never met her and didn't know a thing about her until about 5 minutes ago (still dont), I can honestly say she is the wind beneath my wings. Melissa is the blonde in this picture: Now, the next wind beneath my wings would be someone who could superimpose a picture of me into that one and take out Rose (no offense girl, just wanna rock with Rachel for a while. We still cool though, right?)...if anyone can do that and send me a link to the pic, I'll be your bff for like, at least 24 hours.
Just little something til my next post... I was getting a little creeped out by having the murder post as the first thing you see on the site and I thought I'd replace it with some lovely.
This is an interesting story I just read on CNN's website. Makes you think...
(The two women who were killed...)
(CNN) -- Two months before dying, a Virginia woman confessed to killing two women nearly 42 years ago, authorities said Friday, telling police she shot the women because they had taunted her for being a lesbian.
Sharron Diane Crawford Smith, 60, confessed in a November 28 interview to shooting the women at a Staunton ice cream store in 1967, authorities said.
"I was just pushed so far," Smith said, according to a transcript of a police interview.
Smith was arrested and charged with first-degree murder in the deaths of Constance Smootz Hevener, 19, and Hevener's 20-year-old sister-in-law, Carolyn Hevener Perry, according to CNN affiliate WVIR.
But health problems forced a postponement of a December court date, WVIR said, and Smith, who had heart and kidney problems, died January 19.
Authorities on Friday said they consider Smith the guilty party and are working toward closing the case.
In a transcript of the police interview, Smith told police she and the women worked at High's Ice Cream. The night of the shooting, she went to the store to...click here to read the rest of the story...
In 2008, we celebrated the 40th anniversary of two amazing events that have no doubt changed the lives of so many of you reading this. And while one of those celebrations is obvious--the 40th anniversary of Celine Dion's birth, duh!--the other one might not be as close to the tip of your tongue. But speaking of tongues, 40 years ago, the person that I've decided to dub *the SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE* decided to create a movie called "Theresa & Isabelle." There's not much more I can add to this video, except to say that you should really, really watch it over and over again, especially if you've never had the pleasure of a woman's touch before. Ladies, this is what you have to look forward to:-)
Bi the way, I featured a clip from this movie on my blog 2 years ago (wow! has it been going that long??) and I was upset that the video had been taken down from youtube since it was one of my favorites. Thankfully, a very wise reader named Shannon brought the updated clip to my attention recently.
And speaking of Celine Dion, did you know she was "amazing"?? Don't believe me, watch this:
I'm really happy to let you guys know that I'll be hanging with my friends KILLOLA at 4 of their Texas shows starting TONIGHT! If you're in the neighborhood, come out and hang...
Sorry about the late notice, but I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it til a few mins ago. It's going to be an amazing show. Send me a message and let me know if you plan on going to any of the shows!
10. Max's 3.5-second Appearance on Alice's Computer Screen. The way the show's been treating my dear Max, I'm surprised they gave him that much time. Someone's going to have to tell me where Max lives and where he is when he's not with the rest of the cast. Wait a minute. You don't think... you don't think he like...lives in the 'puter, do you??
9. Clementine Ford is Still Effin' Hot. ...and I'm still the dork who dorked out that one time I met her. Yeah. Some advice: Don't do that when you meet Clementine Ford. Don't dork out on her like I did. And if you do dork out on her like I did, don't post details about the dorking out on a website that she reads. Yeah. Anyhoo...she was hot last year. She's hot this year. And whether or not she realizes it, she's also one of the most naturally talented of all the cast members. Don't you think? Mark my words...this ain't the last you'll see/hear of her on film.
8. "Fuck That!" Last year I said that Showtime must allot the writers a certain amount of *fuck* points to use throughout the season. I sure hope they were given extras this year, because if they weren't we won't be hearing another curse word again. They used the FUCK out of that word in this episode. And if they've run out of fuck points, how in the world will we know when Tasha is pissed? Or when Bette is? Or... Alice? Or...Shane? Or...Jenny? Or...
7. Xena, Whorier Princess? I Sure Hope So. Don't throw things at me when I tell you this, but I've never seen an episode of "Xena." Yeah, I'm serious. I know I'm supposed to have. It's my lesbian duty and all. And for that failure, I am sorry. But I just have a hard time getting into shows like that. I tried SO hard to get into "Buffy" cause of all the gay (and cause lots of my readers threatened to do something they referred to as a "vampire slaying on dat ass" if I didn't)...but that didn't work out either. But I did see Lucy Lawless in person at a Prop 8 rally in L.A. that one time and I totally dig her accent and loved when she was on SNL. Does all that count? I sure hope so. Besides the fact that she looks SO much like Helena--which we all know is NEVER a bad thing--I'm looking forward to seeing how the writers are going to make it so she's able to get it on with someone while investigating Jenny's death. Not sure, but I think this will be involved somehow:
6. Tasha's Swagger Tasha's just got that jam. Her eyebrows were on point in this episode, and even wearing that same old vest they always have her in, she still managed to make me love that taffy. You know its gotta be that laugh of Rose's. And the bandana. And the taffy. You know what I'm talkin' bout. Only one problem: Did Alice really call her the best person she's ever met? What about Dana? Or am I being too sensitive? While we figure out the answers to these questions, let us stare at the Tasha/Alice taffy we've all come to love:
5. The Curious Case of Jennifer Beals What if I told you that instead of gettin' olda, Jennifer Beals was gettin' yunga dan e'rybody else? Yep. That bitch is getting younger before our very eyes! I wanna know what kinda tonic or ya know...ointment, she uses. Whatever it is (I know...I know...), she should package it and sell it with a picture of her face on the bottle like that Paul Newman used to do. Oh and by the way, that whole hospital debacle would have never happened if Tina and Bette would have just let me and Helena babysit Baby Girl like we offered. I mean seriously, you get caught making out naked with Helena ONE TIME in the Porter-Kennard household and you're branded for life. Geez!
4. There's Papi! ...oh and Also, Someone Mentioned Carmen. I still don't know when Alice moved into a castle, but I do know where I wanna hang tonight: Papi's crib. Bitch-filled balconies. Bitch-filled kitches. Bitch-filled foyers. You gotta love it.
3. Oh My God: They Killed Jenny! Yoooou Bastards! Ilene Chaiken recently admitted in an interview with the Advocate that she now regrets killing off Dana... and I was totally going to make fun of this, until I realized how cool it is that she admitted that. That's a tough thing to do when you're trying to please so many crazy ass lesbians people. So Juno-kudos for that, Ilene. Good times. Now that that's taken care of, all that silly death is over and we can get back to the sexua...wait, I'm getting a message from my producer.... They killed someone else? An extra? Or like, Mangus? What, a principle character? Well not someone who's been on the show since day one, right? Oh. Jenny Schecter. K. *excuse me while my head explodes cartoon style* *deep breath* Ok I can handle this. I trust the writers and their vision. *head tilt* Oh and bi the way, I think I know who diiiiiid iiiiiit...
2. I Got Yo Bag Back, Gurl. I think out of all the cast members, Kate Moennig seems to have the most fun with her job. And watching her go around West Hollywood begging people for a couch to crash on while carrying her cute little sack that I can only assume was full of finger condoms and gumption...well it just brought back memories of...well...my life last week:-) I love this video tribute to Shane:
1. Jenny's...Left...(and Right)...Boob!! Ok first of all let me just declare something right here and now: from now on, I will do ALL of my household chores while only wearing pants and a bra. There's absolutely no reason for it except for the mailman to get an awful eyeful, but if Jenny's doin it, I'm doin it. K? Now second of all, THIS:
Yeah that video is certainly going to be taken off of Youtube tres, tres soon (and the actual scene is longer...check it out on Showtime). But uh, Mia Kirshner needs to have my babies. That bitch can act her ass off.
BONUS gripe! 3 words: Not. Enough. Helena. So what did you think of this episode overall? I've received feedback from people that ranges from "omg! it was so awesome i loved it the whole cast should marry me yaaay!" (paraphrasing of course) to "omg, boring, i hated it wtf??"...What did YOU think? My opinion is as long as there's some Rachel Shelley on my screen in every episode (*cough*dylansex*cough*) and the writers don't decide to kill her off, or sell her to Papi, or send her on a "play date" for 3 months with Baby Girl, I'm a happy camper. The rest of the show is just filler to get me to some Rachel Shelley on my screen. You dig? You dig:-) Oh and I don't know who sings this or what she's going on about, but I DO know that it is very important that we all watch Rachel Shelley move in slow motion right now:
You know that little security move she did this episode? I taught her that between all the sex we had. I also taught her how to give *dap* better than Foxxy Brown. Who knew she had it in her??
Sorry for the delay kids...it's been a crazy day of seeing old friends and celebrating MLK day plus the Inauguration + some other bizness... I'm working on it though during breaks and am half-way done...will bulletin when it's ready:-) (should be up by late Tuesday night!)
Don't forget to tune in tonight to see the premiere of the 6th and final season of The L Word on Showtime, followed by "United States of Tara" and "Secret Diary of a Call Girl"...all 3 shows are in my top 5 shows right now!
And of course, I'll be giving my take on the first episode with my TOP 10 list tomorrow (monday)--I've purposely not seen the leak of the first episode online so I can give my opinion on Monday morning...you can catch up on the lists from LAST season by clicking on each episode below. Feel free to comment on old posts, because I get to see all of your comments before they're added to the site!:
Let me just make one thing clear: I dig chicks. Black ones. White twos ones. Puerto Rican ones. Asian ones. Big ones. Small ones. (boobs too)...as you know, I likes them all. But if you've been paying close attention over the past few years, you know that I have a special affinity to those of the British and Australian persuasion. I ain't sayin' they're somehow better than the rest of us, I'm just saying they're far superior and much, much cooler. They're hotter and sound better when moaning my name...and their nipples taste like caramel. True effin' story!
So I thought I'd introduce you to a couple of lovely ladies from er uh...down..under my belt *nudge nudge wink wink* One I've known about for a year or so and one I've just learned about today. They both are hot, sing, and are hot. Good times, right?
First up, a ridiculously cool reader named Lori recommends Aussie Jess McAvoy. Of Jess, Lori says:
She is an ultra hot Aussie singer/songwriter. I'm not sure if she's a lesbian, but I have a pretty good feeling she is. Her music is kick-ass! Plus, she has a very cool video in which she disguises herself as a sailor and picks up women in foreign ports (it's called "The Sailor").
I'm totally bummed I couldn't find the "Sailor" video Lori mentioned, but I have just one word for this video: "SIDEBOOB!" ...or is that two?
More videos should feature naked women getting dressed slowly by a creek...or clothed women getting naked by a creek. That should be the first thing Obama declares in office.
Next up is a new friend of mine named Lo and her band Porcelain. The band has a very loyal following in pockets around the U.S. like Los Angeles and Austin, and theyre the only band in recent history that I've seen rock a Corrs-type hot violinist like it ain't a thing. You won't see that in this acoustic song, but just imagine this chick is lurking in the background: <--**violinist**
...I know I always do that no matter what the video is about:
And here's a really funny vid with Lo and one of her bandmates that I just found from a couple of years ago...
Besides the lovely Missy Higgins, I'd love to know about more of your favorite Australian singers/actresses/personalities. Let's make this an Aussie lovefest...leave links and info in the comments. If there are no comments, I'll have to assume I tapped all of what Australia has to offer. Ahem...I mean...some would say I have...*austin powers head tilt and raised brow*..."tapped" all Australia has to....offer. ;-)
Well it's that time of year again. The Christmas lights are just about gone from the neighborhood. Resolutions have been made and broken. The pitter-patter of reindeer hooves are but a glowing memory. Santa's gone back to selling pot out of his mom's basement. And the elves are out there selling crank and making babies, since they're afforded the same rights straight all Americans should be.
It's also that time of year where I have to nearly shut down Wikipedia and IMDB.com trying to find out age information about chicks playing lesbians in a new movie or tv show. A couple of years ago, it was those darn cute South of Nowhere girls. And today, it's the stars of a new webseries called "Anyone But Me."
I've driven more than 1000 miles total in the past 96 hours trying to find a place to live, so I haven't been too hip to the jive on the streets lately. But today I came across the new show that was written by one of the L Word writers (hopefully not the one who had Kit saying "who dat??"...hopefully it was the one who had Bette saying "masturbatory opus.") and I have to say I'm already digging it.
Each episode is just under 10 minutes long, for those of you who are like me and can't watch something that's TOO long online in one sitting. The girls are cute--cute enough for me to do the jailbait test I mentioned earlier (they passed, by the way!! woohoo! Now I have .0001% more of a chance!). The acting & writing are realistic and interesting. And the lead actresses actually get to kiss each other...like, on the lips and stuff. Like for realz and stuff. Cause they're not on Noggin or the N or whatevs.
I'm thinking of opening your legs my own lesbian theater one day. Wanna share some popcorn with me? I hope you enjoy this first episode. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. I'll see if I can get the director/actresses to stop by the blog and read the feedback.
Hey kids. So remember a couple of weeks ago when I was talking about Showtime's Sunday line up and I mentioned that I was super excited to see the new show "United States of Tara" but wasn't sure how good it would be? Yeah...they're showing the first episode on Facebook and Youtube and I just watched it...
ITS FUCKING AWESOME! I love it! :-D From the first minute, you can tell that Diablo Cody certainly had her hand in this work of art. The supporting actors are pretty phenomenal and Toni Collette, just WOW.
Want to see what I'm going on about? Sit back and relax, as I give you (a super short one hour?) of "United States of Tara: Pilot episode:"
Leave your comments here and let me know what you thought of it.
If you live in or near Austin, please send me a quick myspace message with your first name and your age (or range)...I want to take a count and maybe have a little get together tomorrow (sunday) :-) Let me know if you'd be interested...
-arlan p.s. If you don't have a myspace profile, leave a comment here with your email addy and I'll send you a message...
If you're a fan of the webseries GIRLTRASH and you're in the U.S., check out the new episode of NCIS tonight (jan 6th) to see Lisa Rieffel play a key role in the episode. Lisa plays one of the two lead characters, "Daisy," in GIRLTRASH and also fronts the wickedly good band KILLOLA.
If you don't know what Lisa looks like, check out my video I recorded last September where she's featured talkin, signin' boobs, and performing...
After you watch NCIS tonight, go to Killola's myspace page at www.myspace.com/killola and leave some love for Lisa!! Tell her I sent ya and you might get to motorboat 'er.
At a lesbian club, "Single Ladies" by Beyonce is the new "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly C. Am I right or am I right?
And by the same token, "Since You've Been Gone" was the new "Girlfriend" by Avril...which by all accounts was the new "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe. I'm just sayin.
Ok I know I posted this video a few weeks ago AND there's the whole weird Calvin Klein-esque circa 1994 intro thing, but I can't help but fall madly in love with this song every time I hear it, so I'm bringin' that biznitch back:
And here's a video/song its being heavily compared to...
Of course I'm writing this through tears for this woman...but I'm sure you can agree with me that it's SO wonderful these four "men" have been arrested.
If anyone knows the woman this happened to personally, please pass on a message for me: If there is anything I can do to help you or if you ever need to talk or get a message out, please do not hesitate to let me know.
And please remember, this story isn't meant to scare you guys. It should make us even prouder of who and what we are. People have been persecuted for being themselves since the beginning of time. It is my hope that something good can come of this.
On Jan 1st of 2007 and 2008, I posted the following video on my blog and said I should make it a tradition to do so. I don't think there's been a better time to remind us all of this than right now:
I wish you all well this year and for the next 100 years. (Yep, starting that 101st year, you're on your own;-) )
more in my life!
