Your Daily Lesbian Moment! - by Arlan: February 01, 2009

12 comments | Friday, February 06, 2009
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Now that you've come out, you can marry me without it having any negative effect on your career.

...I'm just sayin'.

Oh and also, I'm going to go ahead and apologize in advance for motorboating you the next time I see you in public. Cause um...

...damn, girl.

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at 11:27 PM Permalink

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An Open Letter to Drag Queens at Gay Bars Across the Country...

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(the fabulous Candis Cayne...this does not apply to her)

You have GOT to stop finding me in the crowd and picking on me because I'm either a) the only black person there so you get to use what you think is a very good impression of a black person, b) the only person there not drunk enough to be laughing my ass off at your mediocre "jokes," therefore not smiling from ear to ear, or c) the...only...BLACK PERSON who's there who also happens to NOT BE SMILING or LAUGHING at you.

*sigh*

I am really trying to figure out this phenomena. The fact that it's happened to me more than once is fascinating to me. It usually starts out with a friend or new acquaintance wanting to take me to their "favorite" bar in town. So we go, have a drink, have a few chuckles, life is good. Then I get excited because there's a drag queen scheduled to appear (my first mistake). I laugh (mostly internally cause I can be an extremely laid back chick most of the time) at their silly jokes and marvel at the costumes and majesty of it all...

until...

*it*...happens.

Please explain to me why every single time I go see a drag queen at a gay bar/club--ie, TONIGHT, they pick on me in front of EVERYONE..and then whisper into my ear "go along with it honey and I'll buy you a cocktail afterwards."

I'm not your private dancer, Roberta, Calvina, Suede Fantastique....or whoever the eff you are today.

The only one who's never done this to me (*knock on wood*) is the magnificent (transsexual) Candis Cayne from the TV show "Dirty, Sexy, Money" who appears at the Abbey in West Hollywood each Monday. May she never...

< / silly post >

posted by arlan

at 2:57 AM Permalink

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...And With That, the Sound of Thousands of Lesbian Hearts Shattering Could be Heard from Weho to Down Under.

12 comments | Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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Kelly Clarkson says she ain't gay, y'all.

Uh huh.

Sorry to break it to you kids, but as of today, one of two things are true: Either Kelly Clarkson REALLY ISN'T a lesbian, or she's going all *in-the-closet* Queen Latifah style on our asses and doesn't want to be even considered one, which is even "worse" news.

Today Kelly responded to the gay rumors on AOL. Here's some of what she had to say:

A large part of your fan base is gay, and there's a longstanding rumor that you are a lesbian. Is there any truth to that?

I get that all the time. People are like, “Are you secretly a lesbian? Because I’d really love it.” Lesbians tell it to me all the time. I’m like, “I’m glad it works for you and I wish I liked women like that because oftentimes men are very hard for me, but I happen to like boys.” I could never be a lesbian. I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I’m a crazy person. I need some kind of stable, quiet man. I don’t really care if you’re black, white, yellow, gay, straight, crazy, whatever. As long as you’re cool and you like the music, and you’re coming out to have a good time at the shows, I don’t really care. I have everything I just said in my family, so I’m just used to being surrounded by that. I just don’t know any different.

Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton seems especially concerned about your weight and sexuality. How do you handle such scrutiny?

Honestly, I don’t know what the hell I did to [Perez]. He’s very concerned about my sexuality and my weight, which I’m not. I learned at a very young age from my father: “Honey, you’re never gonna be able to control what people think about you or say about you; you might as well just stop worrying about it.” I learned on ‘Idol’ not to read any of it -- never. You’re either going to become one these people that you know have just totally lost perspective because everybody’s tooted their horn so much, or you’re gonna crawl in some hole and want to kill yourself because people are just so mean. I enjoy our conversation right now, but I won’t read what we do.

So there you have it, ~~dykes~~ folks. Well she's right about the crazy lesbians thing. But if that's the only reason she can give for not being able to be a lesbian, she's in for a surprise once I take her to her first Dinah. Cause nothin' erases concerns about trivial things like *stability* like watching 200 firm & tanned women instinctually form a nude conga line in the middle of the desert.

What do you think about Ms. Clarkson's answer?

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at 4:22 PM Permalink

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Hilary Duff is a n00b + UPDATE!!

6 comments
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ROUND 2 (updated a few hours after ROUND 1) goes to reader Mar. She showed me this video:

And you are right, Mar. It does give her points. She's still a n00b for NOT thinking before she spoke in the case of Dunaway. But I'm sure she really regrets it now...since it happened so quickly and then was replayed over and over again 'round the world. And yes, I will keep it on my site to add to her feeling regret:-)

ROUND 1 goes to YDLM:

This usually isn't my deal, talkin' random crap about random covers of BOP magazine. And although I know there are some true Hilary Duff fans that read my site (in fact, I've already MET 2 of them!), I really couldn't care less about the chick. Ya know? But I just saw this and had to comment on it.

Bratty Duff is trying to diss Faye Dunaway?? No, no, no no no.

I guess Duff was cast in a movie about Bonnie & Clyde--Dunaway was Bonnie in the original-- and Dunaway said something recently like, "Couldn't they have cast a real actress??" So in response to that, Duff said this:

"...I might be mad if I looked like that too, so *giggle*"

Tool.

Allow me to explain what Ms. Dunaway was trying to get across. This is Faye Dunaway *acting*:

AND

(some spoilers if you haven't seen "Gia" yet)

...and this, is Duff "acting":

Yeah. Not so much.

I guess it's just a matter of the maturity level not being there. Maybe one day, she'll realize what she said wasn't cool...or maybe not. I'll forget about it in a couple of days anyway, so who cares:-) But uh, I'd also like to point out that Dunaway will ALWAYS win points for having the balls (aka "desire to buy another Lexus") to be on this show and critique this scene in particular;-)

mmm...lady kisses. yumster!

posted by arlan

at 2:44 PM Permalink

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PINK on ELLEN today...

4 comments | Tuesday, February 03, 2009
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Just thought you'd be interested:-)

I know Ellen has already aired today in some cities (like the one I'm in:-/) but there are several that can still catch it...

Check this page on Ellen's website to see your local listings (worldwide) and shiz.

UPDATE: Here's a bit of what you missed if you weren't able to catch it. Don't fear though, it was super easy for me to find this online...perhaps there's more somewhere out there:-)

My fav is 1:40-2:00.

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at 4:32 PM Permalink

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Top 10 Reasons L word Season 6, Episode 3 Was..."Good. Better Than I Expected, Good."

20 comments | Monday, February 02, 2009
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10. Rachel Shelley on a Treadmill.

You see, the scene was probably only 5 or 6 seconds. But let me tell you why it will last in my heart, for a lifetime--or like, at least 2 weeks. For one, Helena aka "My SECOND WIFE, Rachel Shelley," was in tight clothes. Because of this, we were able to see her body parts almost as if she were wearing nothing at all. Second of all, she was also running (actually it was a weird hopping thing), therefore her body was in a vertical up and down movement. I'll invite you to look at the diagram and 3D mock-up I've created using entirely edible confections. If you turn your attention to the left side of your screen and--wait, I'm getting a signal from my producer:

--What? We can't secure the rights to manufacture an edible Rachel Shelley doll? I don't understand. She thinks what is creepy?.... oh I see. Ok. You win some, you lose some.

9. Tina's Bald, Angry Boss is Annoying as "Fuck."
No. There's nothing more to it.

8. Angela Robinson is Still the Best Director the Show's Ever Had. If you read my lists from last season, you know that I'm a big fan of Angela's directing and writing work on The El. She directed one of my favorite episodes of all time last season--you know, the one where they ate the weed brownies and had that big lezzy party?--and she directed this episode as well. And no matter what beef I have with large scale plots (or lack thereof) and character issues (*coughwhodatcough*) and character disappearances (*coughwheresbabygirl?somebodycallchildprotectiveservicescough*), I ALWAYS find myself absolutely loving the episodes she directs. The actresses seem to have a lot more fun when Angela's at the helm, and there's more improv, which makes it more natural and funny. It was also nice to see the quick cameo Angela had pitching the vampire movie to Tina in her office. LONG LIVE "GIRLTRASH!!"

7. Shane Boobs.

But where were Jenny's? Is there a clause that states you can't have both powerhouse boobs on the screen at once? Or maybe its something about the fact that if all 4 of them were out, they'd be touching and running amuck. In any case, I want my Jen-Boob-Bies. (That was supposed to sound like "I want my MTV"...did it work? *sigh*) Oh and, thank god they brought Jenny's dog back. I was getting hella worried.

6. EVERYONE's Reaction to Shane and Jenny.
Although I think an even better reaction would have been executed a bit like this:
Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler

5. "Studio Fifty-Fo??" You Have Got to be Kidding Me!
Look here. Pam Grier is an articulate, badass, classy lady! Why in the EFF do they have her saying "Studio Fifty-fo" all up in the L Word.

Look at this:

Mmmhmmm...that's the ONLY "part of Pam that is Kit." Not a "fo'" or "dat" in the mix. Stop it, Ilene. Stop it.

4. Mia Kirshner Describing Alice's "Unique Vocal Range." Mia was hilarious in this episode.
I also wanted to remind you guys that Mia Kirshner, along with 3 other co-authors, has released a book about refugees called "I Live Here." It's amazing to me how this is the same woman we watch every Sunday:

You should read these comments about the book. I think you can find it in most large bookstores.

3. You Can NOT Tell Me That This Was Kit's First *tam* Ever Getting a Text Message.

My mom is 2 months older than Kit and she will text me to tell me every *TAM* "that little girl"--mom code for "Reese Witherspoon"--has a new movie out. Or any *TAM* she wants to know if a certain woman is gay--my gaydar is AMAZINGLY accurate, but she thinks I invented it. My mom will text me if Simon says something extra cruel to Paula or if she needs to know the name of "that little bald-headed boy on that show with that father, you know!" So you can not tell me this is the first time Kit's seen a text come through. The bitches on that show text more than they talk and no one has EVER texted Kit?? I just thought of something: What if Kit has 47 unread messages from Baby Girl asking her to pick her up from wherever on earth they send her every day??

2. Helena Saying "bloody hell" Almost Made Up for All of Kit's Lines...

...except "studio fifty fo"

Fill in the Blank: "Helena: yo bootiful when you're..." According to Kit's reading of Dylan's note to Helena, the original ending to this sentence was "...angry." But as you well know, there are a plethora of other words that can be used in its place. I invite you to fill in the blank (thats what she said). I'll start you off (that's what she said).

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...breathing.

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...all up in my face.

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...taking all of your clothes off in my bedroom and bein' all like "Arlan, you're the absolute best I've ever had. I didn't truly know what an orgasm WAS until I met you."

Yo turn!

1. Alice Through the Looking Glass. I don't know who we need to credit for having the sense to actually talk about something topical and relevant to the plight of the GLBT community in a NORMAL and realistic way, but extreme Juno-kudos to whoever it is. The letter Alice read on "The Look" was pitch perfect, and the whole Alice-uses-her-powers-for-good turnabout was really cool too. Hopefully the message reached a larger audience than the fake View's.
Please watch this:

BONUS!
The first tam I ever saw two girls really kiss was when I watched "The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love" at age 16. I had started wondering about my sexuality after the whole *why is this new female Brazilian exchange student making my tummy tingle?* incident. So with my shiny new driver's license, I did a covert operation down at a small video store I NEVER went to. I thought I was clever doing it this way. No one would ever know. Too bad the dude working there had never heard of the movie and the place was SO small that instead of calling someone in the back room on the phone, he instead shouted across the entire store, "DUDE, do we have something called"--and at this point, I'm sure it wasn't as loud or as in slow motion as it seemed to me, but it went a little something like this: "--INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWWWOOOO GIIIIIRLS IN LOOOOOOOVE - LOOOVE - LOOOVE???"

*sigh*

Well I made it through that, went home, popped in the tape and had a few giggles at the clever dialogue and the pretty girls. "I'm still straight. I'm probably just a really cool friend of the community"--I thought to myself. That was until the point where Evie says to Randy, "...unshelter me." I was gay from that point on and I'm not sure if you've noticed or not, but I've never looked back. I actually cried the first time they kissed on screen because I felt normal and free and proud. And turned on. Really, really turned on.

But anyhoo...that is all to say that my bonus this week is for Laurel Holloman. She doesn't get enough love on my blog and she really should. I still don't know how one would go about putting "a trace on the film," but I love Tina all the same. And without Tina, we'd have no Baby Girl, Tibette sex or "tam."
HOLLER!

Labels: Top 10 list Season 6

posted by arlan

at 12:36 PM Permalink

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If you have a website, event, etc geared towards lesbians:

Join my new matchmaking & career networking site
Juliet & Juliet HERE.

To help offset some of the expenses associated with keeping my blog and projects chugging along in this rough economic climate (I'm getting all CNN on your asses), I'm now offering promotional/marketing packages at a discounted rate. If you have artwork, music, a film project, an event, product, or website that you want thousands of lesbians and lezbefriends to know about quickly, and you have a small budget for advertising, this might be a great fit. Let's find out.

I will provide the exciting (really!) details to serious inquiries only. Send an email to interludemagazine@yahoo.com with the subject "interested" and let me know a bit about what you're wanting to advertise. We'll go from there...

Space is limited and available on a first come (hee), first serve (hee) basis. I will only run one (tastefully executed) campaign per week and will only choose campaigns that are extremely relevant and beneficial to my readers.

Now booking these weeks:
Week of...
Feb 2nd (must reserve by midnight tonight)
~~Feb 9th~~ RESERVED
Feb 16th
Feb 23rd
March 2nd
March 9th
March 16th
~~March 23rd~~ RESERVED

-arlan

posted by arlan

at 4:56 AM Permalink

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Did We Forget About "South of Nowhere??"

20 comments | Sunday, February 01, 2009
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What did you guys think of the series and the final season? **Note: There may be spoilers in the comments if people give their opinions...just be aware.**

I know there are some hardcore Spashley fans who will disagree with me on this, but it seems like we all just sort of forgot about SON. It might have been due to the fact that there was just SO much more quality lesbian content on mainstream television and it just got lost in the mix (*please note sarcasm). Or no, it's probably because we decided that we don't like hot girls (or guys--come on, even

would do

!).

Actually it's prob just cause the network it was on thought it would be a good idea to spread 40 episodes over almost 40 months and that no one would notice. Hmmm...not the best idea when your target audience is 13-19 (+ older chicks like me who just like the hot actresses on SON) and has the attention span of...wait, what was I saying?

So yeah I used to race home on Fridays to catch the latest episode of SON, and because they took FOREVER to get back to the 2nd half of the 3rd and final season, I totally forgot about it. Like, seriously. To a point where I've even seen the two main actresses on the net doing interviews recently and it didn't even occur to me that SON might have started up again. That's how bad it got.

Good thing I was able to recently catch up! I must say that it was a very satisfying final season, and I think the entire team--creators, cast & crew--deserve lots of credit. It faltered a bit here and there, but how cool was it to have non-outcast chicks making out and sayin' normal...STUFF... on uber mainstream TV?? I know you Europeans have been watching girls, ya know, do it on television while having dinner (and alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol) with your parents for YEARS, but we North Americans haven't been as cultured...and we likes! So a hearty round of Juno-kudos to you SON folks. And hey, if the chick who played Madison

ever needs a ride anywhere, I've got a month-long bus pass, a map of the city, and a big heart. Let's ride.

Whether you've been a fan of the show since it started, or you're just hearing about it now, if you haven't seen any or all episodes of the final season, gather 'round ye olde 'puter and get ready for some pre-Superbowl/L Word gay times!

Just CLICK HERE (or go to the-n.com) and on the right-hand side of the page, you'll find a link to "full episodes." Choose "show all episodes" and get to watchin'. Remember, the episodes are listed from the most recent down to the beginning of the season. So start at the bottom and work your way up. You ladies are used to doing that already, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem;-) For those of you who are just being introduced to the show for the first time, there are 3 seasons, so make sure you start with Season 1 if you really wanna get in there...the whole series is approx 13 hours of film if you watched it without commercials. It's like they made 8 movies in 3 years! ...or somethin.

Here's a great fan tribute to the series from youtube. The sound is a bit iffy in some spoken parts but overall, I digs it!:

(credit: LegendsNvrFall12)

What did you guys think of the series and the final season? **Note: There may be spoilers in the comments if people give their opinions...just be aware.**

posted by arlan

at 1:00 PM Permalink

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