I'm emceeing Colorado Springs Pride on July 19th!

A few weeks ago, the crazy folks at Colorado Springs PRIDE invited me to emcee the event this year! I'm extremely flattered, confused, honored and nervous:-D I'm bringing along a few friends (Lisa, Johnny & Terra!) and I can not wait to share my PRIDE with the good people of Colorado Springs.

If you can make it, definitely come hang with us. I'll need all the support I can get!



THANKS AMY!!

I've Been Sleeping On Some Hot RnB Chicks & It's Time I Woke Up!

Watching the BET Awards last night, I realized two things: 1. If Beyonce put out an entire album in Italian, I'd buy it. and 2. DAYUM, there are some hot women in R&B.

I mean DAMN. Honorable mentions go out to Beyonce's leotard/nightgown situation, and Alicia Keys speaking voice, dreamy eyes, luscious lips and blatant homosexuality. Let me know if I missed anyone who was there last night, and we'll add her to the list!

Cassie

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

I didn't even know Cassie was there until afterward, but thank god she was. Seriously, look at her. She could be one of us RIGHT NOW. Without any sort of lesbian bootcamp or anything. We'd just need to stand her up, point her in the direction of a hot chick and pull the string in her back, and I guarantee you, her instincts would know what to do next. And *here's* hoping I'm the chick we point her in the direction of.


Taraji P. Henson

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Ok so she's not an R&B star, per say. But she sings, right? And I'm sure she has both rhythm and blues. And it was the sight of her backless dress that first made me think to do this post. So thank you, Taraji's...backless...dress! Plus, she played Brad Pitt's mom in Benjamin Button, so that means she prolly met Angelina Jolie. Which also means, they probably totally made out in my dreams. Points!

Keyshia Cole, left, and Monica

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

MONICA!! I love her. Have always loved her. Will always love her. And baby was looking FINE last night. You see, she even made me talk like I'm back in high school and "baby was looking FINE" is still current slang. That's the effect her skintight (mmmm) outfit has on me still hours after seeing it for the first time. And she can sang...and she looks like THAT when she's sanging...and...and...


Ciara

(AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Now I'm working on my positivity, and being grateful for life and for people and for talent, etc. So it pains me to say this: Ciara's "Heal the World" was um...wack? Did that word go out in 1995? Yeah. But it was. She prolly knows its, so its OK. She tried. Her heart was in the right place. AND she was dressed super appropriately during the song. I loved that. If only she could be seen and not heard last night. It's OK, I'll just run through a few notes with her and we'll do riffs and um...some other musical words...to help her on her vocals. Then she can teach me how to dance, perform, write, and choreograph like she does. Anyone remember "Like a Boy"??? That ish was CRAZY good. It's official: all is forgiven. And thank you for that dress you arrived in!


Keri Hilson / Zoe Saldana


Now that buttery goodness of Zoe and Keri was just too much to capture in a single photograph. You needed moving pictures to really start to understand. I want to know who these people's trainers are, their nutritionists, their mama's, their preachers...everything.

Cause again I say: DAMN.

And thank you. All of their left and right boobs.

Michael Jackson's Spirit Died Years Ago... and We Killed It.

(If you don't read a word I've typed here, or if you disagree with everything I'm saying, at least watch this. This fan video was made 2 years ago...and I think its the perfect tribute today.)


Yesterday I mentioned on Facebook that I had a lot to say about Michael Jackson's life and death, but that I wasn't sure it was appropriate for me to blog about it. I didn't want to come across like I was exploiting it in any way, like I feel a lot of the media/bloggers are doing. But I got a lot of positive feedback saying it was OK to speak my mind, so I will.

First of all, I have to get this off of my chest: my heart goes out to the hundreds (or thousands?) of people in Iran who have been killed over the past few days. I hope this, N. Korea, Darfur and the rest of the world's injustices will get back into the forefront of the news ASAP.

...and back to Michael: I have so many thoughts going through my head about this. Hopefully it will make sense to you. If nothing else, it helps to vent about it. I'm really touched by how MANY people are affected by his passing. Whether you know it or not, or whether you want to admit it or not, his life has most likely affected yours in some way or another. There are people out there right now who live and breathe Michael Jackson. I personally believe these people have an unhealthy devotion to him, and I pray (or whatever my equivalent would be...haven't figured it out yet) that these people do not harm themselves in any way.

Because I feel that he is finally now at peace, I'm not one of those people who shed a tear when he passed, or who is having trouble dealing with it. But I do recognize the impact he's had on me over the years. If I wrote a list of the songs and the videos and the events that he helped create that were part of my own history, this blog would go on forever.

But I'd like to talk more about him personally, than his music/talent. I personally believe that Michael probably engaged in inappropriate conduct with children. I don't think he was a predator like most, and I don't think he inflicted any physical pain. And it probably was more of isolated events involving cuddling, etc. Inappropriate, but not graphic. I think he was a broken human being who was stunted at an early age, and as a 30, 40, 50 year old man, truly thought he was 10 years old.

I think he was abused physically by his father for years, which already started the process of creating a broken man. Then he was exposed to sexual acts WAY too early. I remember hearing about a time when he was forced to hide under a bed and listen/watch one of his older brothers have sex, because his father thought it would make him "more of a man." I guess he'd been too sweet a child, and his father was worried he'd grow up to be gay.

This was more abuse. And its definitely a HUGE debate whether or not someone should be pardoned for abuse if they were abused themselves. That's HUGE. There will never be a right answer. Even within myself, I'm torn. Chris Brown said he was abused by his father and watched his father beat his mother. Michael Jackson was abused. Why can I understand Michael but not understand Chris? It makes no sense to me, and I'll probably be trying to figure this one out for the rest of my life.

I just think that Michael snapped at an early age. He snapped from physical abuse, from horrific mental/emotional abuse from his father, from pressure, from being one of the most well-known people in the WORLD before the age of 16, from having all the money in the world before he could vote, from ridicule, from praise...from everything.

I've always related to Howard Hughes. Not sure if you know much about him...he was who the Leonardo Dicaprio film "Aviator" was based on. And if you've seen any of his documentaries...it's fascinating. He was a genius. He was also entangled in his own insanity for most of his life. He suffered extreme OCD, as I think Michael must have. He was slowly going mad just as he was reaching the height of his fame.

Michael reminds me a lot of Howard Hughes.

And finally, his appearance. I truly believe Michael Jackson had Body Dysmorphic Disorder, severe OCD, suffered from physical, mental, and sexual abuse, and was EXTREMELY addicted to pain killers and opiates.

Anyone who's ever had an addiction to anything--especially chemical--knows how hard it is to stop. And if someone is feeding that to you every day and never telling you to stop, and if you're in SO much emotional pain every day because you've gone mad, this is what happens. Michael is what happens.

It confuses me as to why the Wayans Bros. are sending their condolences to the Jackson family. They've made fun of that man for nearly 20 years, first with In Living Color and then in some of their latest films. A lot of the reaction from people who made fun of him his whole career surprises and confuses me.

And the people who make fun of his death, I'll never, EVER understand. Those people should just keep their mouths shut if they can't find a respectful thing to say. They're entitled to their opinions (and to voice them, unfortunately), but would you say the same thing about a handicapped person who'd recently passed away? About a person with cancer? Because these things couldn't be helped once they started, and neither could Michael's afflictions. To me, it's the same thing.

The title of this blog post will probably offend a lot of people. And it is not my intention to make anyone feel worse about this. I just think we should own up to it. If you have ever laughed at a joke at Michael Jackson's expense, you contributed to the deterioration of his spirit. It's just true. I'm guilty of it. I don't know many people who aren't guilty of it.

But I hope that what we can do now is not take people for granted. If for a MOMENT over the past 24 years the world treated Michael the way MTV has been treating him for the past 24 hours, he might still be here.

Tomorrow is not promised. Cliche' as it may be, it is TRUTH. We have to stop breaking each other down. We have to stop with the cattiness and the negativity just for negativity's sake. You're going to treat your friends and family with respect. That's (hopefully) a given. But how about the strangers you pass by every single day of your life? How about the people you get SO angry with for driving "too slow" so you can't make that important appointment...that you won't think about a week later.

When I was in 5th grade, our teacher gave us all one sheet of paper. She told us to carry it with us over the following 24 hours, and each time something hurt us: we were called a name by a bully, or we were made fun of for any reason, or we were disappointed by someone, jealous, angry, etc--we were to tear a piece of the paper off. And the tear should be the size of the pain.

The next day, almost everyone--every 11 year old, mind you--had a TINY piece of this paper remaining. EVERYONE. The ones with the expensive clothes. The ones who got the best seats at lunch because everyone wanted to sit with them. The white ones. The black ones. The hispanic ones. The asian ones. The middle eastern ones. EVERYONE had gone through so much pain over the past 24 hours. This is what they felt like each day.

And we did this to each other.

We can start today putting those pieces back on. We can repair the damage starting today. Small things, big things. Just an effort. The easiest and most affordable thing you can do for a stranger to help us ALL heal?

...Smile. :-)

-Arlan

Terra's cover of "You Are Not Alone"

Learned this in memory of one of our greatest recording artists....and a tragic example of the way we love to chew people up and spit them out, build them up and tear them down....RIP Michael. Sorry your life was so painful. -Terra

I'm Rusty So I'll Just Call This One: Pink.

Yep, I figured that would be enough to get your attention. Pink can really do no wrong when it comes to pleasin' the ladies. She doesn't have to pretend to kiss girls at clubs like some artists (even though she HAS kissed a few...but not for publicity), or keep her love for her man on the D-L. We just love her. All the time. For everything she does. Or is that just me?

Hmmm...let's test it out, shall we? First, you might have seen a video circulating a few weeks ago that was filmed in London at Trafalgar Square where thousands of people were singing along to "Hey Jude," and joined by surprise guest Pink.

That clip was made during the filming of what turned out to be this commercial for T-Mobile:


You love her, right? Yes. Yes you do. Raise your hand if you don't.

*crickets*

Now this is her latest video for her song "Funhouse," my 2nd favorite song off of the album. The first is "Sober," for so many reasons. And if you haven't seen the video for "Sober" yet, your life is not complete. Go find it, right now. There's girl on girl action like you've never seen. Cliterally.


She looks ridiculously hot in this. Where did she come from? Who made her? Did I dream her to be? Cause her voice and her looks and her attitude about life and her swagger; it's all heaven sent. Maybe I dreamed her up the same time I was coming up with that Alicia Keys/Carrie Underwood secret dating thing I thought up on Twitter this morning.

Oh and by the by, you simply MUST follow Pink on Twitter. It's everything you'd imagine it would be, and more.

Ay Papi!

I wrote this email to a reader (they were under 21) a few weeks ago after they contacted me for advice about how to come out to their father. I was reading it just now and it occurred to me that it might help someone else...so I wanted to post it here. There's nothing in it that would let you know who the reader is, and PLEASE know that this is just my opinion, I am not an expert at ALL, and that this is just one way of going about things. If you feel that coming out to one of your parents could become a violent situation, please seek the advice/help of a professional first. I do hope these few words do help someone out there reading....

Wow, I'm really honored that you'd ask me to help you with this. Thank you for thinking that I could:-) I'm not an expert by any means, and I wouldn't want to steer you in the wrong direction. But I can offer my opinion of what I'd do.

The good thing is, you've gone through this with your mom already. And no matter how she views it, she might be your best way of getting it across to your dad. Have you asked her to tell him? I know it might seem like a cop out by not telling him yourself, but your mom and your dad are equals, and she might be OK with bearing some of the heat if he's upset, or explaining it more if he's confused/curious...or just talking about it if he's not surprised.

I kinda feel like, unless your parents dont talk to each other at all and would get into a big fight about it, that your mom should help you out. I think she might even be happy that you're asking her to help you. Most moms live to help their children and to be appreciated by them. So if you tell her that you've been struggling with how to tell him for a few months, and that you really need for him to know...and that you think she's the best person to tell him, she might like that.

If your mom is not an option for whatever reason, maybe you can email him or write him a handwritten letter. You have to be prepared for a bad reaction, because we never really know how any one person will react to this type of news. But a lot of times, parents will surprise you (in a good way). So talk to him like an adult with maturity and be direct, but also let him know that you're still the same daughter he's always known...and that even if initially it is a shock to the system for him, it won't always be that way.

The most important thing is to let him know that you're happier being yourself than living a lie. And that he's allowed to ask you questions if he wants. Or he's allowed not to mention it if he wants. Give him some options...makes it easier to handle news like this.

Yeah so without knowing your family AT ALL, or knowing you very well, I can't give specific advice, but I do wish you luck...and just know that you're not the first and certainly wont be the last to go through this:-)

-arlan

I'd love to hear some stories about how you came out to your parents. How old were you? What did you say? How did they take it? Did they already have an idea? How are things with them now? Your answers might help someone lurking in the shadows of this blog who needs help but is too shy to ask...so leave a comment. Remember, you can comment anonymously on my blog:-)

I've Got Vicodin. Do You Wanna Come Over?

How awesome is this new promo vid for my pal Terra Naomi's new single/album?? So funny & creative. I LOVE it!

Piper? I Don't Even Know Her

See what I did there? Cause it's like Pipe-her, right. And see, I'm alluding to the fact that because we have never formally been introduced, it would be quite rude to do anything sexual that might be implied if you...

*crickets*

*sigh*...yeah, I know.

Ahem! So now there's this:


...and you are welcome.

I watched a couple of minutes of the Tony's last night cause someone my friend knows was in the "Mamma Mia" performance. Although I love me some Neil Patrick Harris and the general *gay* that the Tony's are marinated in, I had to flip the channel to see one of my very few husbands: Mr. Vincent D'nofrio of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (brilliant, BRILLIANT actor). So I guess I missed the whole Piper Perabo "poofy ugly" dress situation that happened on the T's.

Lucky for me, I was seeing a much better Piper situation happen WITH my husband, as she was the main guest star on Criminal Intent.

Um, did anyone else see it? How is it possible that she's even hotter now than she was 8 years ago in Lost and Delirious or 4 years ago in Imagine Me & You? How does that happen? At this rate, when she turns 36, she'll be so hot, I won't be able to look directly at her.

If you missed it the first time around, you can catch reruns of this episode on USA all week. And I'm not saying you can see Piper's scenes online anywhere illegally. I'm not saying you could do a simple search to find it. And I'm not saying clips like that would probably be taken down quite soon. Nope.

eHarmony, Eat Your Heart Out

I got this message from Jeru yesterday:

Arlan,

Back in December you posted this: yourdailylesbianmoment.blogspot.com/2008/12/im-going-to-go-take-shower-and-wash.html
and this:
yourdailylesbianmoment.blogspot.com/2008/12/suck-my-kiss.html
the day before.

Just wanted to let you know that Jenna sent me a message on myspace back then because of your blog... and we have now been dating for 3 months... so, thank you Arlan, for mentioning that we both had Uh Huh Her songs and are from the same area, because I'm sure that prompted Jenna to send me a message in the first place. :)

Keep on blogging. we love your daily moments and think about the fact that you, in effect, introduced us. Thank you for doing what you do and helping lesbians everywhere find each other and realize that they're not alone, even in the tiniest town in the Midwest or somewhere else where homosexuals don't run aplenty. haha.

oxox
Jeru

Isn't that AWESOME? I had no idea. I love hearing these stories from you guys. Keep them comin!

I have a new FACEBOOK version of my *lesbian blog dating experiment* that started on myspace and has brought together hundreds of friends/lovers/girlfriends over the past few years.

Click HERE <-- to check it out...and *share* it on your profiles (if you're out;-) ).

My Favorite Video of the Week

One of the few cool things about being raised in a religious cult--besides that wicked cool permanent farmer tan--is that I was able to read the Bible a few times front to back. I don't believe in God and think the Bible is just a wonderfully written book. But I DO respect people--the majority of you reading this, I'd imagine--who do believe in it all, and love talking about it and staying open-minded. I'm happy to have studied the Bible. Gives me some knowledge so that I can make an informed criticism of it, instead of blindly going around saying I don't believe this or that.

I'd absolutely LOVE to get into a meaty discussion about religion/God/other on here where we can talk more about this "cult" I was raised in, how you were raised, all of our beliefs, etc. Perhaps another blog post or in the comments?

But for now, I say all this to point out the fact that this video is made 10x better because of the knowledge I have of the Bible's content. It's ridiculously hilarious and clever. Check the technique:


Thanks Sam aka LadyDisaster for introducing me to this vid!


(More on her soon!)

I Just Like the Way "Bon" is Pronounced by Texans

As those of you who've been reading this blog for a while know, it is my belief that everything is gayer in French. This is why I've chosen the French dub of this random Cold Case episode to post instead of l'anglais:



...also, everything's gayer when two women undress each other and embrace, and then do some confusing Thelma & Louise type shit. That is also true.

You know what else is STILL gayer (and hotter) in French?

Anchorwomen:


(Melissa Theuriau)

That's Not the One With the Homosexual Peacock, Is It?

**Warning: The end of this post contains high levels of Kate Moennig. KM fans, prepare yourselves.**

So you guys know that CBS owns Showtime, right? And I'm probably an uber nerd for finding this to be so fascinating, but I think it's cool that they keep a lot of their actors working on different shows within the network. That's why we saw my girlfriend Cobie Smulders from How I Met Your Mother
on the 2nd season of the L Word

and Holland Taylor (and Melanie Lynskey) from Two and a Half Men as my 2nd wife's mother on the El,
and my other girlfriend Clementine Ford

as Mac on Young & the Restless .

I just realized, I have a hell of a lot of baby mamas...dayum.

Anyhoo, I think that's nifty. Don't y'all? The whole CBS semi job security thing?

Well if you weren't impressed before, mayhaps this will pique your interest:



What do you guys think? Will she ever NOT be Shane to you?

Columbus, Ohio Peeps:

If you're in Columbus, Ohio, pick up the new (free) June issue of OUTLOOK. I edited a few things in this issue, did the calendar and have a 1 or 2 page piece on Ohio Prides. :-)

Gender Bend-her

(this is such a cute pic of Rachel...she's normally smiling though. This must be her emo pic;-) haha)

My friend Rachel (the british chick I wrote about here) wrote something on her blog that I thought was really interesting. I know there are some of you out there who will relate, so of course, I'm sharing it:

I do not consider myself ‘straight’. Nor do I consider myself ‘gay’. I am uncomfortable with ‘bisexual’. Saying ‘I am…’ any of these things gives me a muscle-tensing feeling, that one I get when I know I’m saying something that isn’t quite true.

I have far too much of an invested interest in girls to be straight. It’s not very often that I actually have what I would call a ‘crush’ on a girl; I don’t often imagine myself dating a girl, it’s not something that I feel I’m looking for. But I would never rule it out either. I’m attracted to girls in some ways. I think most people are, even if it’s only the tiniest little thought at the back of their mind, I think it’s hard not to be in this society that makes us stare at girl’s bodies all of the time, in this society that fetishizes girls. We compare ourselves and we want to be each other and maybe sometimes that admiration of shape goes a little further.

I daydream about guys and crush on almost every guy I fleetingly meet. When I think of the future, it is males I see. But they scare me, and I haven’t worked out why that is yet. I have far too many issues with myself and my body to be very comfortable around them when I first meet them. For this reason, I don’t have many male friends, nor many male acquaintances, though I’m trying to work on this.

I don’t believe in calling myself bisexual, because I honestly don’t believe that it sums me up. To me, bisexuality is about having at least an almost equal interest in both sexes, and I just don’t. I’m interested in girls in more of a sexual way than a soppy way in all reality. But I’m willing to believe that one day I may fall in love, or just in lust, with a girl. If that happens, I have no problem with it, and I don’t want to have to have some big deal change of sexuality if that happens. To me, sexuality is a free-flowing shape-shifting thing. I understand that to others it isn’t; I’m definitely not telling you that I think everyone is bisexual, though I did ponder on that at one point. To me, giving myself a name for the way I feel is like calling myself ‘happy’ or ‘sad’, it changes, it is always at risk of changing, so why build something so concrete? I can’t read the future, I can’t know for certain how I will feel tomorrow, let alone in ten years time.

I’m interested in so much more than anatomy. I like the little things; the way someone stumbles over an explanation, or forgets to catch themselves before they expose their passion for something silly. I think there is a lot of bad press for bisexuality; many view it as a source of desperation, or a sign of promiscuity; a passing phase, or a stop on the way to ‘coming out for real’.

I’ve always felt it was restrictive to the nature of love and lust to try to bind it, section it off, call one part ‘right’ and one part ‘wrong’. In my ideal world, sexuality wouldn’t have these names, or they wouldn’t be at all important. It’s never made sense to me that anyone would discriminate based on sexuality. Because really, what does it matter who your friend is sleeping with, as long as it’s consensual? What does it matter if your work colleague dresses up at the weekend? No human is born without emotion; that is what it means to be human after all. ‘Only human’, that’s how the phrase goes, because humans cannot control their emotion. And love is one of the strongest emotions. How could that be wrong?

What do you guys think of this? Leave a comment and Rachel will check it out!

You can follow Rachel on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Rachellous