Blog Archive

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

emo bangs...

lately, personal "vlogs" have been really intriguing to me. i'll admit that ive spent a few hours on youtube this week looking at people talk into a camera. i guess its cause i love people. and i love learning about people, and getting a glimpse into strangers' lives.

so this chick i found, Emily, is in high school. ive never talked to her, but shes just interesting to me. and what she has to say towards the middle/end probably hits close to home for a lot of people who read my blog. so it and stuff.

(click here to see her youtube profile and more vids.)

i was "bi" before i was a lesbian too. and most of my GAY-ass friends were all "bi" before they were gay. it was just an easier transition for me...and for others, i guess? i mean, it gives your mom a couple of extra years to still imagine you with a husband and 2 kids. ya know?

so im not saying that bisexuality doesnt exist, cause it DOES! i know it does. but ive had this conversation with friends since the beginning of time (aka 1999): when youre first coming out, do lots of people just throw the word "bi" out there to make it easier on their friends and on themselves? should you wait a few years with chicks before you officially label yourself bi? if you fantasize about women, only have sex with women, can only really imagine yourself ending up with a woman, and maybe once a month see a guy who you find attractive and would make out with, does that make you bi or just...human? does "bi" rhyme with "lie" for a reason?

and will Miranda come out of the closet? will Big show us how big he really is? will Charlotte & Samantha finally *do it*?

hee...sorry, when i was asking those questions, i felt all *Carrie/Sex in the City*.

proceed with the comments...


jennifer said...

i relate to this video a lot because right now i do not have a label for myself because i have dated girls but i have not ruled out guys completely.

i feel like as teenagers it is hard to fully know yourself yet. [more power to those who do!] but i know i need more experience and to meet more amazing guys and girls to rtruly know my orientation.

as of right now i describe myself as bi only because everyone always wants a label to put on you, [which i understand because many teens never question their straight orientation or go through any of this] but i date people based on their hearts, not their gender.

arlan said...

thanks jennifer. very well said! :-)

Anonymous said...

awww she's cuteeee.


my girlfriend identifies as bi, and that's cool with me. i identify as a lesbian, but i think true attraction lies in the personality, not in the sex of the person, but what happens is that people just are generally more attracted to the same underlying type of people.

it shouldn't be like "yeah i'm only attracted to females." i think it should be more like "i find the person sitting across from me attractive, and they happen to be female."

people worry too much about labels, and the world would be so much cooler if we were all just honest and okay with everything.

i am happy for anyone that can find a relationship or someone to love, regardless of sex, age, ability, or any other classification. :)


The Promo Homo said...

I was bisexual (I hate the term "bi" for some reason... it could mean so many things.... bi.... polar.... bi... racial.... bi.... cycle....anyway...) for a few years before I finally admitted it to myself that I was a lesbian.

It's a nice stepping stone for friends and family and yourself. When I finally told my friends most of them had the same reaction, "but... but... you were like the ONLY person I believed was bisexual!". Which I find funny since I'm a "gold star". And now a lot of them say "I don't know why but I just feel gayer around you for some reason".

Friends are fun.

I still find some men attractive... I like to say I'm 90-10 (women to men)... because who knows... I could fall for a guy? I doubt it, but I try to keep an open mind. I wouldn't consider myself bisexual at all though.

But yeah, as I was reading that rant I felt like it was a S&TC moment. So good call. haha.

This was entirely too long.... done.

Anonymous said...

I definitely used the "bi" transition. And it wasn't necessarily that I was lying to myself or to anyone else, but more that it can be too hard to suddenly ignore what you've sort of automatically assigned yourself growing up. I never really thought much about the possibility of girls until 9th grade, and back then dating was a very nonsexual thing for me, so it was easy to see both men and women as attractive and therefore myself as being attracted to both. In college now, and with a long time girlfriend and sexual relationship, I know that I would never want that relationship or physicality with a man, no matter how attractive I might find him, I'm not attracted to him.

But that's just my take on things from my experience. :)


arlan said...

i love this...please keep responding! its so interesting...

Britt said...

omg yay! i read your blog everyday arlan and i thought it was SO awesome when i saw this post because Emily is one of my best friends in real life :)


ps love ya em :) oh and arlan too lol :p

Anonymous said...

ur so funny. great points about the bi thing..

Cara said...

i identify as bi, although i have always leaned more towards the homosexual side of the controversial kinsey scale.

ive always been more attracted to women than men, both in intensity and frequency. however, i have been very happily involved with a man for the past three years. i am far more comfortable spending my time with queer people, and make certain to drop hints to acquiantances to make my sexual identity know, for being considered hetero always makes me feel ashamed, as if i am hiding an integral part of myself (which i am). my friends jokingly call me 'a dyke with a boyfriend', especially the ones that identify as hetero, but sleep with members of the same gender on weekends.

i have had a few friends that came out as bi as a transitional period before finally coming out as gay or lesbian - some out of fear, some out of convenience, and others because it was what they honestly identified as at the time. i, however, would feel uncomfortable identifying as lesbian and denying the part of me that has true, intense, romantic attraction to men, but not as ashamed as i would be to 'pass' as hetero, and although i respect those that identify as straight to some of their friends, and bi to other, 'safe' friends, it still irks me that bisexuality gets a bad rap as a transitional stage or 'just a phase'.

so, in summary to my ridiculously long comment.. i find 'bi now, gay later' just as offensive as drunken frat boys inviting me to makeout with their girlfriends so that they can watch.. and thats a whole nother story.

(sorry again for the long comment thats more of an email or a blog on its own)

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna lean on a "l word" crutch, as Shane(sort of) said once. "sexuality is fluid"
if you think you're bi at that moment, then you are. And one day if you think you're gay, then you are.
I dont see myself as transitioning. If I am, then this is one hell of a long transition. Been going on for 20 years now :).
Someday, if I ever choose to settle down I'll label myself as "persons name-sexual"

Mellymel said...

Holy crap....I can identify with everything the previous women have said.....I myself am coming out as bi.....I must admit it is a "safer" social description sexually at this point in my life.

I am currently dating women and only really interested in dating women. I've had my share of men, but you never know.

I like having both doors open to me. I'm not ready to commit solely to women, but the label "bi" lets women know I am open to dating them.

Some lesbians have said discouraging things to me about my "bi" status....treating me like an experimental.....I've experimented and I know what I like. If I hear one more person call me confused I swear I will scream!

I don't know if I will ever identify only as a lesbian....but for now "bi" fits VERY well.

When it comes down to is about the person...not the gender for me!

Anonymous said...

It's easier to call yourself bi.. I never say it like that I'd rather say that I like women as well as men.. in reality women attract me so much more.. for the last about 2 years I haven't been intrested in a man.. so somehow I think I am a lesbian, but on the other side I can never say that it wont't change, cause once I only liked men.. I don't like to be pigeonholed cause it's about the person and not about his or her gender.. so I think if chemistry's perfect.. then it doesn't matter if it's a men or a women.. if i hear bi i think a person is more hetero and that's why i don't like to be called bi cause i prefer women at the moment... for example i LOVE women-love-scene in films so much more than a women/men love story... and in my imaginations i never really think about having sex with a men... i've never had... only with a women, so i can't compare really, but i just don't feel the need to know how it is to have sex with a men....

haha that's difficult to describe but it's so interessting :)

Nicole said...

i agree with what a lot of ppl have said so far: that sexuality in general is fluid and that "bi now, gay later" is somewhat offensive to me. however, i understand why some people use it.

i would like to add, tho, that i know of a real-life case of the complete opposite. my friend started off as a lesbian. she was a lesbian from high school all the way through college and didn't actually sleep with a man until she was 23. it was then she realized that she liked penis, hehe. she now identifies as bi and is proud of it.

*btw, i identify as bi as well*

but yeah guys, sexuality is definitely fluid and i think that labels absolutely suck but it's gonna be a looong time before we're able to let go of them completely. it's like breaking a bad habit, takes a lot of time and practice and you're still gonna have those people who refuse to give it up.

arlan rox! :0)

Brian said...

I'm a male who mostly prefers women, but I see some men as beautiful too, like emo guys (like the band Red Jumpsuit Apparatus), and the guy who plays Green Arrow on Smallville. I see other men the way Rosie O'Donnell said she thinks of men: I can appreciate the aesthetic beauty, but women arouse me a lot more. :-) btw I have never had sex nor even kissed anyone (unless you count kissing a girl on the cheek in 2nd grade), I'm just talking about my feelings and desires. Two reasons why I am still a virgin at 29: (1) I feel that the more physical intimacy there is, the more emotional intimacy there should be...there should at least be a "best friends with benefits" relationship, I would NOT sleep with someone I just met though I have had the opportunity at least twice in my life and turned it down.. (2) I'm only a 4.8 on lol...

I'm at and


Anonymous said...

can you put out the link wont work...I dunno just curious to see it...because my name is emily and I'm also in highschool ....oh yeah

Cassandra said...

I agree with all of the above comments. Right now, I consider myself bi simply because I haven't slept with a woman yet. All of my life I have dated men. However, in the last two years, I find that I am less attracted to men and more attracted to women. In college, I dated two women and didn't like either, so it was easier for me to ignore my lesbian feelings and keep right on dating guys. Now, I am looking to date women and see how it goes. What I hate most is how some lesbians alienate bisexual women. I don't think bisexuality is about being confused or hiding behind a hetrosexual facade out of convenience, but more about finding the identity that BEST fits your current situation. Maybe one day I will call myself a lesbian, maybe I will go to being with men only, who knows, but it will be fun finding out. By the way Arlan, I love both of your blogs! Thanks for all the laughs and informative info.