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Monday, January 07, 2008

The Official L Word Premiere Party: Even the V.I.P. Section Had a V.I.P. Section.

Well well well. I attended my first L Word premiere last night in Los Angeles. It was definitely trial by fire. I was thrown into the heat of hundreds of lesbians and lezbefriends who were foaming at the mouth to see the cast of the show in person, get their drink on, and get the frick out of the RAIN.

Here are some of my observations of the event:

-Lesbians fucking LOVE them some Pam Grier. There was a little walkway that all of the cast walked through in order to get to the VIP area, and people could line up with their cameras to get a shot. There was a spotlight following them...really nicely done. And when Pam Grier strutted by, you would have thought Elvis had entered the building.

(picture by Papertile)

-Pam Grier would NOT say "Who Dat?" Just as I suspected. Aside from Jennifer Beals, Pam was the most well-spoken and eloquent of all the cast when speaking to the crowd early on. Listening to her made me even more dumbfounded by the lines that are written for her. Someone has GOT to explain to me why they still have her saying things like "You betta not fo'get my black ass when you rich," etc. I thought blacksploitation was OVA. Ilene, you know my number. Holler at me.

-When Kate Moennig says the words "Ready for the sex??" into a microphone, oceans part, shoes tie themselves, and lesbians lose their goddamned minds. It's more powerful than playing Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone" at a lesbian bar around 1am. Kate's THAT powerful.

(picture by Papertile)

-Paris Hilton was Mother Teresa in her former life. It's the ONLY explanation I can come up with to justify the fact that she's so famous now for doing absolutely nothing. She showed up sort of midway through the official premiere and walked right past me, and then went with Kate and some of the other ladies to the after party at the Falcon. The night was about hundreds of thousands of lesbians celebrating our beauty and what I assumed was a campaign for human rights (since the events were hosted by the um...Human Rights Campaign, ahem...) but you're telling me the only thing that came of it was this??: CLICK TO SEE PICS Hmmm... alright, I guess.

-V.I.P.? Well depends on your definition. I had a V.I.P. wristband that got me back with the cast and in the Paris air, and all that bull...but by the end of the night it ended up in my pocket, cause *very important people* were in the other room:-) It was SOOOO cool meeting everyone I met last night who came up to me to introduce themselves. People wanted to take pics with me. How cool of them is that?? I hate having my picture taken, but there was no way I would turn that opportunity down. You guys are amazing. Please always feel free to come up to me if you see me out. I love it. You make me feel sane in this crazy town.

-I might be pregnant with Rachel Shelley's love child. Last night when I got home, I posted a bulletin asking if you guys thought it might be possible for me to get pregnant by standing behind Rachel, staring real hard and for real long, keeping my mouth agape, muttering the words "oh my damn...oh my damn" over and over again, and crying a little on the inside. This is how things seemed to go down (ahem) with me and Rachel Shelley. She was one of the first people I saw and um...I don't care that she's on a popular tv show, or that she has a little money in the bank. I did what any self-respecting dyke would do in my situation: I stared. HARD. And imagined some sort of candlelit love making at my cabin (that doesn't exist). Rachel honey, you had me at *high heeled black boots and tight pants all up in my vicinity*.

-Lizzy the Lezzy got more pussy than I did. She always does, though. Congrats to Ruth Selwyn for being invited by the HRC to have her special Lizzy video air at all HRC L Word premieres around the country. I was so proud when I saw it. I took this very dark clip on my cell phone...


-I need to get out of L.A....STAT! Or least stop going to places that have a "list" and a "vip"...with people who don't appreciate "air quotes." Oh...man...I know the grass is always greener, but take me to a place where the *content of your character* is more important than the content of your purse!!

All in all, a great night. I was honestly there for you guys so that I could tell you how it was. If I had my ruthers (thats not how you spell that, is it) I would have watched it from my bed while eatin' bon bons and fondling my...remote control. But I loved every minute of it...from the heartwarming (a few hundred women screaming at the top of their lungs when the cast appeared gave me goosebumps, for real)...to the ridiculous (Paris Hilton?? Seriously. Hmm.) I hope there's a season 6 so we can do it all over again!

Enjoy the season...

20 comments:

Cattiu said...

What's with (A) the Moennig/Hilton rumours (Anglo-English, yes I'm on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean) buzzing... and (B)E! Online proclaiming Moennig to be "Gwynth Paltrow's openly gay cousin"... Err..?

Very jealous you got to ogle the Shelley!!

Anonymous said...

I'm a bit heartbroken to have gone to that E! Online website and see the pictures and watch the little video... Please lesbian gods, don't let Paris Hilton taint my Kate!

Anonymous said...

is it wrong to say that i would proudly give my first born, second, third, etc. to hear Kate utter the word sex? or, frankly.. anything? just saying. i would.

Anonymous said...

ew. paris better not ever appear on the l word..that'd be the worst EVER!

jaime said...

Letting Paris Hilton into the party and stealing the spotlight makes me sick.

Addled said...

Yeah I hate that Paris was anywhere near an L word event, or near the kate...Signs..But Arlan, man so much envy for you girl. First you're going to the Dinah (sighs) soon, but then now you are at the L premiere I could have died to attend (signs again!). But yeah, I feel ya- "oh my damn, oh my damn"!!!You rock Dahlin...~Lori~

Tess said...

thanks for taking us to the inside. the energy MUST have been insane! yeah, the Paris thing...very disappointing.(sigh)

Amanda said...

bleck! kate and paris hilton, that make me mad and it also makes me lose some respect for kate. Also daniela sea is practically on paris' lap in the photos, but thats not mentioned. I wonder why?

jetgirl said...

Arlan, I want to have Shelley babies too so she doesn't have to ruin her figure and because it's the frickin Shelley!! You are my hero Arlan, I would've stared hard too! BTW, I think you've got competetion:
http://www.gettyimages.com/Search/Detail.aspx?axd=DetailPaging.Search%7c1&axs=0%7c78795522%2c78795479%2c78795478%2c78795462%2c78795391%2c78795386%2c78795374%2c78795371%2c78795317%2c78795222%2c78795221%2c78795182%2c78795179%2c78795149%2c78112533%2c77552702%2c76209000%2c75491829%2c75491827%2c73888089%2c73888088%2c73887804%2c77552708%2c73421875%2c73421863%2c73421861%2c73421299%2c73421296%2c73421294%2c73421293%2c73421286%2c74676723%2c73205604%2c73205600%2c73205578%2c73205575%2c73205572%2c73176842%2c73176835%2c73176815%2c73176787%2c73176774%2c73176755%2c73176753%2c73176744%2c73176741%2c73176671%2c73176666%2c73176662%2c73176657%2c73176651%2c73176649%2c73176624%2c73176620%2c72425702%2c72425700%2c72425692%2c74742786%2c75511608%2c75511583%7c0&mode=c&id=78795374

sj'sbb said...

If you want to get out of L.A. you should try Texas but I dont see why you would wanna move from a place where you see The L Word cast I envy you

arlan said...

haha @ jetgirl! i laughed out loud when i figured out what you were showing me in that pic. haha...oh man... yaeh that was pretty much how i looked too.

its impossible NOT to look that way when she's near you.

thanks for the laugh:-)

Megsaintg said...

NYC baby - that is where it's at!!! Great Blog Arlan

Phyllis said...

oh man what a great blog. always funny. thanks for taking us inside the most amazing event. as for paris and kate...eh. i'd do a few shots with the girl. looks like she really knows how to party. now if she makes it on the L Word i might have a different opinion.

want to get the hell out of LA? what the f for? LA is where all the beautiful and perfect people live. ;) you could always move up the street to SF though. it's quite lovely here.

Chip said...

I'll agree that all the *very important people* were in fact in the other room...I mean, all the hot, but DRY, people hid in the back room while all the hot, excited, drinking, WET (I mean REALLY wet), dedicated lesbian fans unavoidably rubbing all on each other got their party on in the fun room... ;-P
Much appreciate you going and waiting in the rain all for your readers *ahem...FANS* ...who wouldn't ask for a picture and flaunt your rockin' shirts...

-chippers ;-)

Anonymous said...

I just watched it on youtube.How bitchy i jenny now?And they've all gotten seriousy hot!!specially Alice,and could Shane look any more fit?!!I am so jealous you're in the same country as those lovely ladies,but to be in the same room!!*has turned green* Love ya Arlan xx

Minnie-sota said...

I loved your take on the L Word party. So VIP for you stood for veryalmost important person, eh? Glad you got close to Rachel Shelley...yummy.

Emily said...

..L word? Pairs?

I think the only thing worse would be if Betty played at the planet again.

....oh no! Do you think Illene is looking for Paris to sing on the show?
OH THE HUMANITY!

wahine10 said...

i got to meet arlan, which was WAY more exciting than seeing the L word cast or paris hilton. can't wait for your blog about dinah shore and i'll see you there! you're blog is the best!

Elizabeth said...

[dons nerd hat] it's 'If I had my druthers'... ahem...

mmmm Helena...

moondog said...

you know, you and i have hung out in plenty of places that did not require "lines" and "vip sections", although "air quotes" would definitely not get you funny looks. just cause i'm not a girl doesn't mean we can't hang out right? ;)