10. Tasha got her hur did, yall. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! Aw they let our girl let her hair down AND put some make-up on. I haven't been this excited since they combed Adele's hair a few episodes back, and anytime they put a hot comb to Kit's hair.
I do want to point out though, that if it really was as hot and muggy in L.A. as they were trying to make us think, Tasha's hair would have lasted a good 15 minutes before looking like this:
(I know of which I speak)
9. Seriously, can I please be Jane Lynch when I grow up?? I've also decided that when I am her, I want to be her in a white tank top and suspenders. ALL the effin time. And while we're playin' Santa, I also want to be that "Lesbian scene 69, take TWO" clapboard person on the L Word set if it gets a 6th season. You hear that Ilene and co.? Holler at your girl. I do a mean "take 69!"
8. "...the first sign of bullshit, I walk." Pam should have said that the first time she saw that her script had her saying "who dat?" I bet you Mia did.
7. It's official: Every hot woman in Los Angeles is either gay or on their way to being gay. It has to be true. The L Word says so.
6. Max got laid!!! He still gets blatantly ignored by every other person on the show and inexplicably dissed by Alice every chance she gets, BUT Max got some ass. And you know why? No soul patch. Yep.
5. Don't be fooled by the cock that she block. She's still, she's still Jenny from the...
Come on, didn't ANY of you feel sorry for her during the earlier scenes with dumb shit actor boy doin her girl? And for those of you (like me) who think life is at its fullest when Jenny is being ridiculous, she did not disappoint. Aw, monsieur!
4. The Fonz outdid herself this episode. From her middle finger, "how's that for a signal?" line, to her boob filming (which, by the way, is exactly how all of my vacation videos look) Shane had some of the best lines/expressions this episode and Kate had a TIT playing them. You see, I was going to say "had a ball" but then I thought, ew, no. So I'm now coining the phrase "...had a tit." Ok? Ok.
3. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! I studied the tape and took the following boob count.:
4 pairs of bare boobies = 8 boobies
4 pairs of bra-protected boobies = 8 boobies
Jenny's left booby = 1 booby
Hmmm, I probably got the count wrong. I should watch it 14 more times to make sure. No, no it's ok. In the interest of accuracy, I'll take one for the team.
2. "Double D's" Shebar bitches sit down:
I thought I was going to have to have a Top 20 or 30 list this episode because of how entertained I was during this scene alone. This is what I'm thinking: since the writers and actresses are having so much fun this season, we are too. So they should be given a 6th season to wrap everything up and bring it back to season 1's storytelling and film-like quality. And of course, to bring Dana back as a ghost who helps Alice with her relationships, Carmen back so we can look at her ASS some more, Papi back so we can say "Ay Papi!" for another few months without sounding completely lame to ourselves, and Helena back so that I don't have a cow. No seriously, I thought I was going to literally give birth to a cow last night when I realized once again that there was no Helena on my screen. Or on my chest.
1. "Everything is perfect now."
(aka LESBIAN FUCKFEST 2008 and possibly 2009 if they used all of the tape actually used to get these scenes):
The following sex is what contributed to this being my favorite episode of the season:
-Sweaty Bette and Wet Jody Awkward sex
-Happy Max and Cute Boy Dude sex
-Niki and Adele Single White Female Near-Miss sex
-Niki and Jenny Oh My God Kate French Marry Me sex
-Shane and Molly Funny, So True, but I'm Scared of What's Gonna Happen with Them Next Episode and Bi the Way Clementine Marry Me I Promise to Never Drink Too Much and Forget Your Name EVER Again sex
-Tasha and Alice Making More Taffy and Bi the Way Leisha Hailey Marry Me sex
-Bette and Tina Love in Elevatuh, Lesbians Around the Country Losing Their Goddamned Minds sex
...and to my dear, sexy, oft shirtless Helena, I just wanna say:
I'll be here when you get back.