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Monday, March 03, 2008

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 5, Episode 9 Was a Walking Ad for Rolling Blackouts

10. Tasha got her hur did, yall. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! Aw they let our girl let her hair down AND put some make-up on. I haven't been this excited since they combed Adele's hair a few episodes back, and anytime they put a hot comb to Kit's hair.

I do want to point out though, that if it really was as hot and muggy in L.A. as they were trying to make us think, Tasha's hair would have lasted a good 15 minutes before looking like this:

(I know of which I speak)

9. Seriously, can I please be Jane Lynch when I grow up?? I've also decided that when I am her, I want to be her in a white tank top and suspenders. ALL the effin time. And while we're playin' Santa, I also want to be that "Lesbian scene 69, take TWO" clapboard person on the L Word set if it gets a 6th season. You hear that Ilene and co.? Holler at your girl. I do a mean "take 69!"


8. "...the first sign of bullshit, I walk." Pam should have said that the first time she saw that her script had her saying "who dat?" I bet you Mia did.

7. It's official: Every hot woman in Los Angeles is either gay or on their way to being gay. It has to be true. The L Word says so.

6. Max got laid!!! He still gets blatantly ignored by every other person on the show and inexplicably dissed by Alice every chance she gets, BUT Max got some ass. And you know why? No soul patch. Yep.

5. Don't be fooled by the cock that she block. She's still, she's still Jenny from the...
Come on, didn't ANY of you feel sorry for her during the earlier scenes with dumb shit actor boy doin her girl? And for those of you (like me) who think life is at its fullest when Jenny is being ridiculous, she did not disappoint. Aw, monsieur!


4. The Fonz outdid herself this episode.
From her middle finger, "how's that for a signal?" line, to her boob filming (which, by the way, is exactly how all of my vacation videos look) Shane had some of the best lines/expressions this episode and Kate had a TIT playing them. You see, I was going to say "had a ball" but then I thought, ew, no. So I'm now coining the phrase "...had a tit." Ok? Ok.

3. Thank you, Jenny's...left...boob! I studied the tape and took the following boob count.:
4 pairs of bare boobies = 8 boobies
4 pairs of bra-protected boobies = 8 boobies
Jenny's left booby = 1 booby

Hmmm, I probably got the count wrong. I should watch it 14 more times to make sure. No, no it's ok. In the interest of accuracy, I'll take one for the team.

2. "Double D's" Shebar bitches sit down:

I thought I was going to have to have a Top 20 or 30 list this episode because of how entertained I was during this scene alone. This is what I'm thinking: since the writers and actresses are having so much fun this season, we are too. So they should be given a 6th season to wrap everything up and bring it back to season 1's storytelling and film-like quality. And of course, to bring Dana back as a ghost who helps Alice with her relationships, Carmen back so we can look at her ASS some more, Papi back so we can say "Ay Papi!" for another few months without sounding completely lame to ourselves, and Helena back so that I don't have a cow. No seriously, I thought I was going to literally give birth to a cow last night when I realized once again that there was no Helena on my screen. Or on my chest.

1. "Everything is perfect now."
(aka LESBIAN FUCKFEST 2008 and possibly 2009 if they used all of the tape actually used to get these scenes):



The following sex is what contributed to this being my favorite episode of the season:

-Sweaty Bette and Wet Jody Awkward sex
-Happy Max and Cute Boy Dude sex
-Niki and Adele Single White Female Near-Miss sex
-Niki and Jenny Oh My God Kate French Marry Me sex
-Shane and Molly Funny, So True, but I'm Scared of What's Gonna Happen with Them Next Episode and Bi the Way Clementine Marry Me I Promise to Never Drink Too Much and Forget Your Name EVER Again sex
-Tasha and Alice Making More Taffy and Bi the Way Leisha Hailey Marry Me sex
-Bette and Tina Love in Elevatuh, Lesbians Around the Country Losing Their Goddamned Minds sex

...and to my dear, sexy, oft shirtless Helena, I just wanna say:

I'll be here when you get back.


30 comments:

Anonymous said...

everything WAS perfect.
why oh why oh why is tinette soo fucking hot? idk what it is, or why it is....but sweet jesus in heaven...
i would LOVE if the brought back carmens hot little ass. that would stir some shane shit up, eh?

i can now, at 245p, stop getting on the internet to check for this post. arlan, my boss thanks you, as my productivity just went up 374%

Stephanie said...

I think my right hand was permanently attached to my crotch this episode while simultaneously gnawing off my left pointer finger. Holy wow, Arlan. Holy wow.

Sonia said...

I have to agree last nights episode was by far one of my faves! We wanted sex and god did we get it, all at once, in very dirty ways. The onyl thing that freaked me out was the whole Max and nude dude guy sex. Does that make it straight sex, bi sex, or gay sex. Its all kinda complicated to me ha. Anyways I read your blog every monday, cuz i expect the whole l word countdown of great moments. Keep up the great work. And i to miss Helena, its just wrong man!!

Just Cirroc said...

My favorite line...

I think she's psychotic. What do I do?

Jenny rocks.

Anonymous said...

this is definitely my favorite episode of this season!... love it!.. great sex!.. wow!

ruth said...

ok was it just me or did i hear phyllis's daughter say i'd go gay for shane?

Anonymous said...

omg i love love this episode and all the sex that came with it ugh! cant wait till next weeks!

kandy said...

i live in canada so i have to watch it on youtube but all the clips got pullled so i got half way throughlol i have to wait next week. but wow hot sex scenes . i was confused bout max and tom to. tibette is so hot . and molly shane so cute

shaevoyuer said...

hot gay boy sex what? Yes. We had the discussion too amongst my companion viewers. FYI It's common in San Francisco that trans guys hook up with gay dudes. I'm not an expert though. The question I asked was which hole did they choose? Apparently, that varies as well.

love.pink said...

Arlan you did it! you once again came up with 10 great things. The sex was awesome but I couldn't have come up with much else. Yeah I agree, I felt sorry for Jenny. And I already myspaced this to you, but that pic is so HOT.

I guess after seeing seasons one and two recently, I kind of think those episodes were better. Just my opinion! If there is a season 6 then Carmen should come back!

Oh yeah and I think Tasha looked extra hot this episode.

Moniker said...

Hott damn, I just saw my new favorite episode,Helena would've been a definite plus but...
Thanks a ton for that clip Arlan,you're the best.

love.pink said...

I left something out.. I wish Kit would have kicked Denbo's ass! And I'm just now noticing Shane's guitar tattoo. Has that been there all along or what?

nikki said...

i love reading this blog every monday...last night's episode was definitely my fav so far....beautifully sexy.

when is someone besides max gonna catch on to crazy girl, adele? did anyone else notice that she had on the same black & white heels that jenny was wearing when they were on the movie set? and if the power hadn't come on, how far do you think she would've gone with niki??? craaaazy..deranged : )

i think alice's "fuck no....denbo" comment deserves an honorable mention, i was cracking up.

i'm glad max got some play, but that whole thing had me confused.

Rochie said...

OMG!!!! I was thinking at the beginning of this season...AHHH its getting boring....BUT NOOOOO they came back!!! YAY!! Also, I thought Jenny was annoying as F*CK, but now I love her!!! WTF!!!! Im glad you agree JENNYS LEFT BOOB!!!

Madame Goodrich said...

That was bloody brilliant!!

Anonymous said...

oh wow yes arlan u r right once again! i also almost died during the shane filming podcast *attempt* freakin on the floor furreal!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think I was more turned on by Max and Cute Boy sex!!!!! Oh my that was HOTT!

aimeetoons said...

great post, and the video choice was the icing on the cake lol
BTW, Has anyone else seen "double d" in that potato chip commercial???

Just Cirroc said...

4. The Fonz outdid herself this episode.


Ayyyyyyy!!!...

Exclusively for you, Arlan

Heather said...

I have to agree that I loved the "How's that for a signal?" and Also during the "mafia" meeting...

Shane: Why dont you shut your mouth and let your girlfriend talk?
DD: Because she has nothing to say.
Lover Cindy: Go fuck yourself.
Shane: See I thought that was somethin'

and lets not forget...during the sex scene with Molly..."I'll show you one more time." *giggles* But I am SO not happy with what she saw later...that conversation was brutal.

Anonymous said...

the episode lived up to its title, literally liquid heat!!! damn! the best episode yet! and arlan, keep those top 10 reasons coming. i look forward to it almost as much as i look forward to the l word. awesome work.

Panda said...

ok...so i just realised..that they're still showing rachel shelley's name in the credits at the beginning of the show...so hopefully she'll be back =]..love me some rose rollins too..lemme tell ya! hehe...this season rocks

Anonymous said...

i've heard Helena's returning for the 11th or 12th episode, so we can all rejoice then!

Katelyn said...

Best line in the whole episode:

I think she's psychotic. What do I do?

Thank you Mia Kirshner!

Anonymous said...

I agree with everyone, this episode was absolutely AMAZING!!

I cracked up so many times throughout the episode, and then, the last however many minutes with that insane sex montage...I don't think I could have been any MORE turned on, jeez!!!!!

Amanda said...

Once again...Fuckin' Awesome! I loved the whole Lesbian-Mafia-sit-down thing (the background music was an extra nice touch)! And maybe I'm in a small percentile of Lesbians but...I love watching gay guys getting it on! That scene with Max and Tom was da bomb for me! Keep it coming Arlan :)

Shanice said...

Good Job putting my favorite singer as your last thought there Shanice Wilson is my favorite.

Love: Shanice

blkrose said...

omg this ep was sooooooo good. so effin sexi i loved it so much. hot hot hot scenes at the end. best ending of an ep ever. i so cant wait for tonight's ep to air, but i already kno i'm gonna end up crying. i was all watered up just watching the previews for it. oh i love your blog soo soo much. thnx for postin it.



Mo

nerdmafia said...

no. 1: you are never wrong!
no. 2: shanice wilson. i love your smile. i wanted to press stop, but i couldn't. dammit, this song is just as insidiously infectious as the day it dropped. i don't even care that shanice had a mustache and weirdly long nose hairs...okay, i kinda do, but that doesn't stop me from singing along!

Anonymous said...

i love that tibbete scene before...now reading your post and i just watched again to get what youre talking about..an still loveeee it!!!
best line ever:
for me it feels like im coming home :')
how bette and tina get back together just wonderful :3