**Episode recaps start from the bottom and work their way up (just like someone else I know...) ;-) Scroll down to start from the beginning! If you'd like to see my Season 6 recaps, click here!
10. Jane Lynch and Holland Taylor in the same episode. Of course Holland gets more points for being My Lover Helena's mumsy. But they both always do a great job. And turns out that Holland was Willy Wonka all this time. Wouldn't that be a cool movie?
Mummy Peabody as Willy Wonka
Helena Peabody as Charlie
and introducing little Arlan Peabody as Grandpa Joe!
9. I got my baby back...baby back...baby back...
8. Twenty Questions. Well not literally 20. But I've just had some nagging questions for a while and I need to get them off of my chest. So here goes:
-What the hell is Adele's back story? Adele called herself a "Jonny Come Lately" in this episode (which, bi the way, is similar to my nickname: "Arlan Come Often"), but where did she come FROM? Ya know?
-Did the writers just walk over to the "Two and a Half Men" set one day and say, "We'll take two of your best"?
-Did that Terminator chick (Paige...for that one chick who reads my blog and HATES when I call her "that Terminator chick") do Shane a favor by burning her shit down in the first episode? Cause Shane really hasnt looked back. No more skater kids. Maybe all the guys that worked at Wax went on that playdate with Angelica?
-Now that we have Tibette, can we give em back?
-Y'all remember when they changed the set during the last couple of seasons of Diff'rent Strokes, and that Dixie Carter and her little boy Sam--who looked absolutely nothing like her--moved in? Yeah those were good times...
Hey I didn't say all the questions had to do with the show!
- Nikki is 20. And aren't Jenny and Shane like...in their 30s? They should know better. S'alls I'm sayin.
- When Phylis said "I don't know what's gotten into her (Molly)." Who else was screaming "Shane! Shane got all up in Molly!" at their screen? Anyone. Anyone? Bueller...
7. Max's two lines. Yep, I counted. He had two lines. Or does it count as just one since it was just the first line, then him repeating the first line? I sure hope Daniela doesn't get paid by the word. ;-)
6. I got my baby back...baby back...baby back...some more.
5. Three words: erect Shane nipple. Of course pronounced "nip-play" or "nip-pluh" depending on which part of my brain you're from. Topless Shane taking naked pics of Sleeping Molly while topless was kinda creepy but definitely hot. You know that book Angelina Jolie was in a few years ago called "Women Before 10am?" I'm thinking Shane should do a photography book called "Women I've Done Before 10am." Haha, that reminds me of something my BFF Sarah said to me yesterday on the phone: "You do more before noon than most people do all week." Same can be said of Shane...eh?
4. "Cal-Mart"? No they di-ent! Haha, come on y'all. You mean to tell me Alice couldn't get Tasha hired on to do security on her national TV show? Or how about being an Ourchart guard during the Max/Alice vlogs for the day Alice insults Max for no good reason one too many times and Max finally switches to the Hulk. Oh, but what's hotter than Cal-Mart security Tasha and military Tasha? Popo Tasha! That girl should have her own doll. And Shane's should come with a vibrating tongue and an extra vagina.
3. Hell hath no fury like a woman's "CORE". *sigh* Oh Jody. Or is it Jodi? Or is it...oh it doesn't really matter. Some ladies like to burn your shit (ahem, Terminator chick) and some ladies like to just create 100 thirty-foot screens and put your face on them in front of all your colleagues. The art piece was so good, I'm not even gonna ask questions about where she got the footage. Nope. Nuh uh. I refuse. If the writers and I are going to be drinking coffee (that I won't be pouring, thank you very much) during writers' meetings this summer, I gotta cut them some slack. Just a wee bit. Ya think?
2. "Kate French Kiss" or "A Low Down Flirty Shane." I couldnt decide!
Ok I know you guys probably missed this part, but Shane and Nikki were messin' around outside of the wrap party, right. Yeah you probably went on a potty break or to refresh the popcorn and Jack Daniels bucket you had floating around your watch party. But let me tell you...there was boobery GALORE...and gaWHORE. They um...well the sun went down on Shane, Shane went down on Nikki, and I went down to the floor cause I lost consciousness for about 45 seconds. What I'm saying is, it was almost as hot as EVERY DAMN DAY with me and Mcphee. S'alls I'm sayin. I would normally scream this at the top of my lungs...but given the sensitive nature of said sexuousity, I will just whisper this respectively, "thanks...Jenny's...left...boob..."
1. My lover, Helena. Let us take a moment to reflect on the beauty that graced our screens last night, shall we. Helena's back and it was confirmed last week that she will be back for the final season as well. And now that she's all frugal and shit, we can really hang. I'm gonna go get the car gassed up and ready for our trip to Target while you guys peep this clip with my lovers Helena and Cindi...oh and in case you're wondering, the 3 of us are quite happy together. Fanks.
I have big ideas for next season. Ilene, call me! We'll do lunch.