Blog Archive

Thursday, March 08, 2007

...and i wish i could help you acheive that, Ciara.

you guys know how i like the play the game "DYKE!" right? if you dont know about my homohomegrown game, i'll explain it. i normally do this at Target. i walk around. i look for families with girls in them at any age...and if i see a girl or a woman who i think is gay, i yell internally, "DYKE!" its fun times. and you can do it anywhere really. try it. oh and the best part is, no matter how much you play, where you play, or who plays with you, everyone...always...wins.

i get really excited when music award shows are on--especially the Vibe Awards or the BET (ahem) Awards. cause i know i'll get to see Ciara, and i know i'll get to scream out DYKE! in the comfort of my own home. she always makes it much easier for me too when she decides to accept an award hand and hand with her "friendgirl" Missy Elliot.

it was real cute how she was engaged to that lil' bark bark for a few minutes. if youre going to have a fake boyfriend, might as well have him look all smooth and shiny like a girl. i could stare into his eyes for days. aaw, little bark bark. but that shits over now so she has plenty of room to come out of the closet. i think...this video of hers...just might be...the best r&b video ive ever seen. it probably isnt. but im so excited about it...that it is...right now.

thanks SO MUCH to this chick<--- for letting me know about this vid!


ok so this is what im thinkin...and y'all tell me if i this is a good idea. so like...sometime around June-ish, Ciara finally comes out of the closet, right. and when she does...who falls out of it behind her, but Ms. Alicia Keys. who ive been sayin is a dyke since the beginning of time. (who saw her in Smokin' Aces? i didnt get to catch it. was she good as a lesbian?)

so Ciara and Alicia Keys become the new music power couple. sure, their cd sales might fall a wee bit in certain markets...but in others (like my bedroom), they'd soar. everything would be ok...and they could *live their own truth*. i could handle their press (and their breasts)...ya know, whatever i could do to make that closet exit safe and comfortable for the two of em.

then other bitches could follow, right. i wonder what kind of a lesbian lova they'd be....*wayne and garth dream waves*

norah jones- im thinking she'd provide lovely, sultry phone calls. she'd give Ciara and Alicia the BEST mix tapes and deliver them with homemade cookies. but in person (live, if you will) she might bore them to tears.

amy lee- she'd wake them up inside. alicia and amy lee could do some crazy shit on the piano while ciara danced on top of it. you dig? only problem is, some boring ass dude might show up at the end, do 30 seconds worth of boring ass work, and get most of the credit.

fiona apple- she would be a magical lover. a kinda confusing and scary lover, but also really hot and talented. then she'd disappear for years. but when she came back, she'd give them the best sex of their lives. then disappear again.

lauryn hill- when fiona was gone, lauryn hill would magically pop up in the middle of Brooklyn, (and yes, her appearance would be immediately proceeded by her singing out like a kid "ready or nooot...") she'd make Ciara and Alicia fall deeply in love with her all over again, give a few crazy ass interviews, then disappear. oh, and her hair would be a mess and would be covered by two or three hats. but damn she'd know how to work her fingertips on the small of their backs...

then at the end, all of them would get together for the best return of Lilith Fair one could ever hope for...

33 comments:

Shastina said...

arlan... i feel so blessed to have witnessed you play the beautiful game of "DYKE!" in, none-other-than, target.

what a glorious day!

and i find it astonishing that we share such a TRUE thought regarding alicia keys and lauryn hill. amen, sister... amen!

love you and miss you!
~shastinal

Anonymous said...

how I wish they'd come out <3 ...

Kelly said...

oh ciara... how i love thee

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading that way too much. Had my imagination running wild.

As always, thank you.

Anonymous said...

You must watch Ciara's Promise video. It's so much hotter.

Kristina said...

I laughed...By God...too hard. Thank you for the visions. Fiona Apple would be a keeper if she jumped ship, but Arlan, you can keep Amy Lee all to yourself. Please.

Tiffany said...

oh...my....god.

Anonymous said...

You know who else need to come complete out is LisRaye become we all know some can't keep a men. And in Player Club she was love all those girls half nake. Her sister is gay and they'er a lil to close their is a something that not being said. I got first chose with LisaRaye that my baby. That how I told my mother I was gay, I was madly in love with LisaRaye. My mother calls her, her inlaw.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea both of them are totally gay. I will fuck both of them. HAHAHAHHAHAHH ;0

Nana said...

LOVE the video! That was hot. She's hot. (And yes, this is probably the first time I actually watch her video, as I usually don't listen to r&b that much. I guess I should start. At least when it comes to music videos :P)
Hothothot.

Piper said...

OK that was great fun, your descriptions wonderful. I watched "Smokin' Aces" she actually ends up being with a guy at the end and the lesbian act wasn't so much her than the other gal. She didn't really say anything much in the movie about the lesbian stuff just the other gal. She looked great though. LoL.

Shanice

Anonymous said...

as if i already didn't blow my supposedly scheduled 'free-day'... now i have another beautifully distracting mental imagery going on... thanks (for the smiles)

Anonymous said...

did anyone else notice that at the end, the bracelet the guy is wearing on his right wrist is rainbowish?

Natalie said...

wow, that video is amazing. i am in love with it. and i love all of the dykey girls dancing around her too! greattt!!! :)

Anonymous said...

First off...Ciara is the shit. She can dance like nobodies business. Did you see her do the matrix? She out-shined little bark bark in that relationship fo sho. AND at the end when she was like singing along with the s&c voice...that was hot.

Secondly, yeah Alicia isn't really that lesbianic in Smokin' Aces (great movie by the way!) but she is looking fine as hell in the flick! I mean I was in the theater and I was like...I need to get a room and be alone right now :)

Anyhow...yeah...great entry Arlan. AND I'm also an avid player of DYKE! I do it all the time on my universities campus. Its the best way to pass time.

Anonymous said...

Yeah this video screams DYKE!!!! there should just be a big symbol of intertwined female symbols in the back when they are the wife beaters and baggy ass jeans LOL... Thats just how gay this video is.. but you i love ciara.. HOT!!!! I could watch her shake her ass anytime.. swear!!!!

Lisa said...

Thank you SO much for the Amy Lee imagery. Piano... mmm... but I agree with the boring ass guy bit. Too bad she's engaged to one... although I've always figured she wasn't straight... maybe just wishful thinking. But no, I'd do her in a second, make her scream on key, as it's been said of her.

Anonymous said...

well as a fellow lesbian

mia [www.myspace.com/miasaddictivex]

to be exact.

anyhoo..

my girlfriend saw smokin aces and told me that Alicia didn't voice much of a lesbian role. No groping, kissing or chemistry. That it was very detached and all "Alicia's girlfriend" said was I love you, baby.

false advertisement I tell you.

trying to utilize alicia's sexyness to appeal to the lesbian masses...CONSPIRACY!

&& I believe..Ciara looks 102929xs better as a dyke. ;]

Anonymous said...

I went to see that movie just for Alicia and then she was a boy crazy ho.

Blogs like these are why we're friends. :)

<3
~a

Myraida said...

Ha i loved the thing about the Dyke game. I play a game like that. Me and my girlfriend do it. But the difference is that when we see someone we think or Know is gay. We say "guess what". It started last year and we have just kept doing it.

<3

Anonymous said...

i did see alicia keys in smoking aces. she didn't have any real girl-on-girl action. but she was hot none the less. and the movie was good anyways. and when ciara and alicia become a couple, i want to be in their threesome. they are both amazing. and the day alicia comes out will be the happiest day of my life!

jen to the zo said...

hmm, i played that DYKE game with my friends when i visited Sydney. only thing is we would say it out loud. and there were hand symbols. and if we saw 2 dykes together they were called DYKE TIME TWO. i'm surprised we didn't get beaten up.

AfoOna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AfoOna said...

I just watch the ciara's video!
I was like O_O!

By the way, your blog is great, and thanks for addind me in you chart in this magnifique website ourchart dot com !

aFouna

lezbeing said...

Mayb these poor young dykes would come out of the closet if their older dyke mentor, Janet Jackson, had the "balls" to open the door.

Anonymous said...

this vid is 1 of my favorites i've seen this year. ciara is hot, she moves well and i like her attitude.
it would be so nice if these 2 could get together. you have to keep dreaming.

Mev

Anonymous said...

thank you thank you thank you - I have been sayin' forever that both Ciara and Alicia (and of course Missy) are big o' dykes. Seriously. The world needs to open their eyes.

Anonymous said...

Holy moly! I saw this video like a month ago and its become a bit of an obssession for me... Ciara... SO HOT!!!!! Thanks for the crazy story... I'd be down for Fiona...

Anonymous said...

check it out arlan.... katherine mcphee just might be a lesbian.... tyra banks grabbing her boobs!!!! and she looks like she enjoyin it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v213/schwartzy/katharine-mcphee-tyra-banks.jpg

Emily said...

lol this is one of the best updates in a while. You really let your imagination go wild. =p

Tanya said...

ROFLMBAO!

how bout alicia and ciara's tracks are all produced by Missy

and distributed by Queen Latifah's Flavor Unit Entertainment

now thats some hot girl power!

lol

Alex Baker said...

haha... smokin' aces was a pretty good movie, but as for alicia being a dyke in it... ha. bi at best. she ended up in the arms of a man, despite the dyke that basically died trying to save her. darn bi girls are always trouble!

datgurl49 said...

So...I stumbled across your blog today at like 8 am and read the whole thing. I LOVE IT! This being on of my favorite posts ever I had to let you know we play that game too, my friends and I but we dont scream it internally, we just politely nudge one another and saw my she looks like shes batting for the other team. Its quite fun. Or we play the "You know it's below 50 degrees where is your coat" game, which is officially called the "I win" game, because we really shot out I win, (and have shouted it out numerous times across the UNCC campus) and you get points for everyone who isnt wearing the proper amount of clothing.