Hola. Me llamo Arlan y yo soy muy, muy...how you say...horny.
Yes, alright well, I think I made a B in my Spanish classes in 7th and 8th grade, but I am going to go ahead and do us all a favor and translate this vid for you. Everyone watch it, and then meet me on the other side of it for the translation:
(Thanks to this sweet ass reader for letting me know! P.S. check out their blog, too!)
Basically, the creepy dudes said, "We're real creepy. And your wife is cheating on you with another chick. You should call Arlan and have her get in there with them cause your wife, the brunette, I'm assuming, is wicked hot."
And the brunette one was all like, "I'm really hot. Arlan should really be here by now. Where is she? I knew I should've gotten her that scooter for Christmas like I wanted."
And then the other chick was all, "Yeah you're really hot. And Arlan is late. Damn her for being late to our wicked hot orgy. Well at least those two weird dudes are standing outside the door making lots of noise. Good thing we can't hear them and they're not interrupting our wicked hot lovemaking. Weird that they can hear us though, through the same door. Hmmm...I'm smarter than the writers of this show."
And then the singer was all like, "I hear your silent whispers..." and I was all like, how can someone hear silent whispers?? And then I was like, why in the world do I care about that when someone as hot as that brunette is getting DOWN with another chick? Think Arlan. Think!
So the moral of the story is, anyone who's hot and wants to stop by The Ranch--aka my apartment--and make out with me, please leave your application with my assistant Raquel. Don't forget to include a current picture and a sample of the perfume or cologne you most often wear. Call backs will be all year. This is a thorough search.