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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Question From Reader...

Recently a young reader wrote this to me, and I told her I'd pass it on to you guys to give her some advice:

hi, wuddup arlan? its wierd for me to want to ask advice from someone i've never met, but you feel like a friend to me. so, i know you're probably busy being a super success (; but i just felt like asking you something. i don't know if i should tell my parents i'm gay. is it as liberating as some say? i know they probably won't be mad about it, but i'm still nervous. plus, i was just thinking of letting them find out on their own, you know? aaanyway, thanks for reading this, and for writing your blogs. have a great day, and good luck with your amazing projects.


Please leave a comment if you have one for her. She'll be reading...


Anonymous said...

Thats really a personal decision. If being gay isn't a big deal in your family then just be you and they will figure it out. After all other teens dont have to go and tell their parents they are straight. Or just bring it up casually. Coming out is liberating but only if it is a heavy burden you are trying to hide from the world. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I imagine that if you feel your parents truly won't be mad when you are honest about your sexuality that they have been good parents that put a lot of good effort into parenting. If you believe they will accept you and love you unconditionally then it would make sense to be honest. I dream of a world where no one comes out...or we all have to come out to parents (straight or gay) but for now consider yourself one of the more fortunate ones. Many wonder if they will ever be spoken to again. Some fear worse. Honesty is the best way to be in relationships, especially one where parents fostered a loving and accepting environment. Why not be the one to tell them? They've obviously told you enough to relieve the fear. Thumbs up to your parents!

Anonymous said...

I honestly went through the same thing. I knew my mom would be chill with me liking girls but I just never knew the right time to say 'oh by the way mom, I dig chicks'. I always thought it would be random and day I just blurted it out and it really felt so much better. Personally, I think telling my mom was very liberating and it made me feel so much better not to be hiding's such a personal decision though. Go with your gut. And it's great that your parents wouldn't mind your homosexuality. Be free with it. Let everyone know how amazing chicks are =D

Anonymous said...

You know your parents better than anyone else does. However, I am not sure how old you are or what your circumstances are at all. You have to be prepared for the worst & hope for the best if you do tell them. I'm sure you've probably heard some of the same horror stories we all have about kids coming out. But I've heard some really great stories too, about parents being truly supportive. If you feel like you must tell them - then do. If you don't feel like you have to, then don't.

Its entirely up to you - only YOU know your situation.

Best of luck to you!

Adrienne Browning said...

it all depends on how you think it will effect your relationship with them. I came out to my family when i was 16 and it went just fine. They are super liberal and it was never a big deal it just kind of became the norm. My girlfriend on the other hand (who is about to turn 18 and told her mom in Feb.) told her mom and her mom flipped. Taking away her phone, computer, car, all of which my girlfriend paid for on her own, but because she is still underaged her mom can. Her and her mom didnt have the best relationship but now it is just hell, she hates her mom, who has banished her from speaking to me or seeing me ( i go to college one state away, but since it is the 21st century we have been able to communicate without her mom knowing) all she wants is to leave and never look back the second she turns 18. So....i really think it just depends on the situation....good luck

ally said...

hey there, so i just also recently came out to my parents. only because i was hiding it and stuff became obvious, but now that they know OMG such a burden off my shoulders. i feel like a new girl, seriously. no one can tell you what to do we can just give our advice, to me if you know they won't be mad, go for it, be yourself. or you could go with the option of just being yourself without saying a word and eventually they will know or either approach you. in the end its all up to you.

i wish you luck, its a nerve wracking thing to do! im sure lots of people including me can feel for you, and understand 100%

Kayla said...

I a very similar position to you! Ive told my aunt and two of my cousins that I'm gay, but the rest of my family including my dad and grandparents (who I live with) don't.
I'm kind of in two mind about it. On the one hand - I want to tell them that I'm gay, I want to be free within myself and I feel that I can't be until I'm honest with those I love.
On the other hand, I love them so much and care about their opinions that I don't want to risk disappointing. I'm overwhelmed with this fear at times, and even if I finally work up the courage to say something - I open my mouth and the words don't come out because this fear creeps back into my mind.
Also my grandma has asked me directly if I'm gay (many times), but I just don't have the balls to answer and completely avoid it.
And I also disagree with the fact that we even have to 'come out' just because being gay or bi is not the 'norm'. But hey, this is something that will probably never change.

In the end its personal choice. I know lots of people who have had good experiences with coming out and others who have had a difficult time - but my cousin said something that stuck with me - 'we're your family, we'll love you no matter what.'

Good luck mate. Just follow your heart.


freedomgirl said...

Honestly, I would try to feel out how they would react first, maybe with a general discussion like, "some of my friends have been talking about whether they are gay or not" or talking about pride or the day of silence, some way of bringing up the topic of being gay without saying anything about you personally. Just to see how they react. Sometimes it seems like someone will be cool with it but when it's their own child things get weird. I used to ask my mom, "what would you think if I were gay?" She said it would be ok, so when it actually came time to come out I wasn't too worried.

Good luck, sending tons of support and courage. It's not always easy, but being your true self is the most liberating thing of all. If your parents aren't ultimately cool with it, hang in there. Being all grown up is the best thing ever!

Amanda said...

Someone else told my mom, and then she whent snooping in my things to find proof. I still think to this day that some of her reaction when she confronted me about it was her being hurt that i didn't tell her. It was crazy at frist but things got better and now I've come out to everyone and life is just easier. I don't worry about if someone is going to find out. My mom still sometimes refers to my girlfriend as my "room mate" when she introduces us to her friends but she's coming around. lol
I'd say tell them, I still wish I could go back and be the one to tell them:)