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Monday, February 02, 2009

Top 10 Reasons L word Season 6, Episode 3 Was..."Good. Better Than I Expected, Good."

10. Rachel Shelley on a Treadmill.

You see, the scene was probably only 5 or 6 seconds. But let me tell you why it will last in my heart, for a lifetime--or like, at least 2 weeks. For one, Helena aka "My SECOND WIFE, Rachel Shelley," was in tight clothes. Because of this, we were able to see her body parts almost as if she were wearing nothing at all. Second of all, she was also running (actually it was a weird hopping thing), therefore her body was in a vertical up and down movement. I'll invite you to look at the diagram and 3D mock-up I've created using entirely edible confections. If you turn your attention to the left side of your screen and--wait, I'm getting a signal from my producer: --What? We can't secure the rights to manufacture an edible Rachel Shelley doll? I don't understand. She thinks what is creepy?.... oh I see. Ok. You win some, you lose some.

9. Tina's Bald, Angry Boss is Annoying as "Fuck."
No. There's nothing more to it.

8. Angela Robinson is Still the Best Director the Show's Ever Had. If you read my lists from last season, you know that I'm a big fan of Angela's directing and writing work on The El. She directed one of my favorite episodes of all time last season--you know, the one where they ate the weed brownies and had that big lezzy party?--and she directed this episode as well. And no matter what beef I have with large scale plots (or lack thereof) and character issues (*coughwhodatcough*) and character disappearances (*coughwheresbabygirl?somebodycallchildprotectiveservicescough*), I ALWAYS find myself absolutely loving the episodes she directs. The actresses seem to have a lot more fun when Angela's at the helm, and there's more improv, which makes it more natural and funny. It was also nice to see the quick cameo Angela had pitching the vampire movie to Tina in her office. LONG LIVE "GIRLTRASH!!"

7. Shane Boobs.

But where were Jenny's? Is there a clause that states you can't have both powerhouse boobs on the screen at once? Or maybe its something about the fact that if all 4 of them were out, they'd be touching and running amuck. In any case, I want my Jen-Boob-Bies. (That was supposed to sound like "I want my MTV"...did it work? *sigh*) Oh and, thank god they brought Jenny's dog back. I was getting hella worried.

6. EVERYONE's Reaction to Shane and Jenny.
Although I think an even better reaction would have been executed a bit like this:
Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler

5. "Studio Fifty-Fo??" You Have Got to be Kidding Me!
Look here. Pam Grier is an articulate, badass, classy lady! Why in the EFF do they have her saying "Studio Fifty-fo" all up in the L Word.

Look at this:

Mmmhmmm...that's the ONLY "part of Pam that is Kit." Not a "fo'" or "dat" in the mix. Stop it, Ilene. Stop it.

4. Mia Kirshner Describing Alice's "Unique Vocal Range." Mia was hilarious in this episode.
I also wanted to remind you guys that Mia Kirshner, along with 3 other co-authors, has released a book about refugees called "I Live Here." It's amazing to me how this is the same woman we watch every Sunday:

You should read these comments about the book. I think you can find it in most large bookstores.

3. You Can NOT Tell Me That This Was Kit's First *tam* Ever Getting a Text Message.

My mom is 2 months older than Kit and she will text me to tell me every *TAM* "that little girl"--mom code for "Reese Witherspoon"--has a new movie out. Or any *TAM* she wants to know if a certain woman is gay--my gaydar is AMAZINGLY accurate, but she thinks I invented it. My mom will text me if Simon says something extra cruel to Paula or if she needs to know the name of "that little bald-headed boy on that show with that father, you know!" So you can not tell me this is the first time Kit's seen a text come through. The bitches on that show text more than they talk and no one has EVER texted Kit?? I just thought of something: What if Kit has 47 unread messages from Baby Girl asking her to pick her up from wherever on earth they send her every day??

2. Helena Saying "bloody hell" Almost Made Up for All of Kit's Lines...

...except "studio fifty fo"

Fill in the Blank: "Helena: yo bootiful when you're..." According to Kit's reading of Dylan's note to Helena, the original ending to this sentence was "...angry." But as you well know, there are a plethora of other words that can be used in its place. I invite you to fill in the blank (thats what she said). I'll start you off (that's what she said).

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...breathing.

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...all up in my face.

Helena: Yo bootiful when you're...taking all of your clothes off in my bedroom and bein' all like "Arlan, you're the absolute best I've ever had. I didn't truly know what an orgasm WAS until I met you."

Yo turn!

1. Alice Through the Looking Glass.
I don't know who we need to credit for having the sense to actually talk about something topical and relevant to the plight of the GLBT community in a NORMAL and realistic way, but extreme Juno-kudos to whoever it is. The letter Alice read on "The Look" was pitch perfect, and the whole Alice-uses-her-powers-for-good turnabout was really cool too. Hopefully the message reached a larger audience than the fake View's.
Please watch this:

The first tam I ever saw two girls really kiss was when I watched "The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love" at age 16. I had started wondering about my sexuality after the whole *why is this new female Brazilian exchange student making my tummy tingle?* incident. So with my shiny new driver's license, I did a covert operation down at a small video store I NEVER went to. I thought I was clever doing it this way. No one would ever know. Too bad the dude working there had never heard of the movie and the place was SO small that instead of calling someone in the back room on the phone, he instead shouted across the entire store, "DUDE, do we have something called"--and at this point, I'm sure it wasn't as loud or as in slow motion as it seemed to me, but it went a little something like this: "--INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWWWOOOO GIIIIIRLS IN LOOOOOOOVE - LOOOVE - LOOOVE???"


Well I made it through that, went home, popped in the tape and had a few giggles at the clever dialogue and the pretty girls. "I'm still straight. I'm probably just a really cool friend of the community"--I thought to myself. That was until the point where Evie says to Randy, "...unshelter me." I was gay from that point on and I'm not sure if you've noticed or not, but I've never looked back. I actually cried the first time they kissed on screen because I felt normal and free and proud. And turned on. Really, really turned on.

But anyhoo...that is all to say that my bonus this week is for Laurel Holloman. She doesn't get enough love on my blog and she really should. I still don't know how one would go about putting "a trace on the film," but I love Tina all the same. And without Tina, we'd have no Baby Girl, Tibette sex or "tam."


Jincey said...

Seriously, Jenny was hilarious. Also, I thought the improv moment where Shane and Alice made fun of Leisha Hailey's yougurt commercials was cute. Thank god those retarded yogurt spots are out of rotation!

Sarah said...

first of all, your producer is elmo? really? you're gonna have to let him go at some point arlan. you know what they say: if you love something, set it free. or wait, someone. he's not even a someone! he's a puppet! anyway.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT TINA WAS THE SAME CHICK FROM 2 GIRLS IN LOVE. THAT IS CUH-RAZY. in a good way. and the other chicked played the psycho bride who tried to kill her fiancee in uh...well that movie i can't remember the name of. and she's been in tons of thoer shit that i've seen too. man.

i haven't seen the episode yet so i'll probably come back and comment again after i have. i wasn't going to watch anymore because of...well, you know, but this episode sounds good.

arlan said...

@Jincey: Yep, it was "doing your sister while you're not looking, good"

@Sarah: I can't believe you didn't know that. Not because you should or because everyone knows it, but because its the type of thing I wouldn't have known and you would have to tell me. I'm not gonna bring up the IQ thing again. Nosiree. producers change every week...Elmo was so kind as to help me out this week, only to deliver the bad news. So I fired his ass and will move on to bluer pastures (sp?) next time...

Duck said...

"This is I like to thank the Academy good"
LMFAO hilarious.

Angel said...

Reason #5 - When Kit said "studio fifty fo", my response was "Fo...really?" What the hell are they doing to her?

#6 - I was quite pleased that they all reacted the same way I did..."EW!" *scrunchy face* I'm not a fan of Shenny at all.
Bonus was Bette's giggling...she doesn't laugh nearly enough on the show! :)

Angela's eps are definitely my favorite too!

Sidney D said...

Jennys dog found his way home! That was one of my top ten moments for this episode. For a while now i been saying "what happened to Jennys dog?" and now we finally know that he is ok. All my friends that were able to watch this episode made sure to text me saying that he was back. hoorah!

I think it was so funny how everyone reacted to Jenny and Shane. Like a bunch of grade school kids. Priceless.

I been waiting for the day that Jenny and Shane would be together and this episode just made me whole year. :) YAY!

Mely Mel said...

Oh Arlan, this entry was hilarious and right on the spot (that's what she said!)

I'm actually very very happy we didn't get a glimpse of Jen-Boob-Bies, I can't stand her voice, her dog or her boobs. Blah.

And lastly: Yo bootiful when you're wearing your orange suit and you slam me against our jail cell *smile*

Anonymous said...

So far I think the season is HORRIBLE! Now come on!! Max pregnant!!!!! That is just down right stupid and who cares anyway; I never like his/her character. Alice and Tasha... break up already! You two REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don't belong together. Bette and Tina... when oh when is Bette going to be happy with JUST Tina. She said she is but there is always a storyline that leads her astray. Do you want to be together and adopt a child or do you want to screw around Bette?? Make up your mind... there are only a few episodes left!! Jenny and Shane??!!??? OMG, Shane will F@cK anyone won't she... Has she no control??? Is she not afraid of a disease or something? I guess not and then to sleep with her best friend.... oh come on! I will tell you what is this show coming to? It really shows us that NO ONE can be faithful to anyone and that just makes me sick. I am certainly glad the show is coming to an end because with each new week the story line gets more ridicules and if it goes on much longer everyone on it will have slept with every other character on it just once... Sorry, I don't get it.
So, I have had my say. Good Bye L Word.... I wish you could have done a better job to portray the lesbian commmunity because there are some that are faithful and happy in the 'boring' little lives.

Terra Lynn said...

LMFAO Arlan you are hilarious! I loved this episode. It's one of my MOST favorite ones. Shane was so cute "It's Better than I expected!" And how did Kit not know why her phone was buzzing? I was dying laughing. Anyways, I agree with you, I wanted to see Jenny's boobs!!!!!

Jaimie said...

I might hav ebeen sleep but I don't know what scene yall are talking about?

When Arlan said:
4. Mia Kirshner Describing Alice's "Unique Vocal Range."

and this:

Also, I thought the improv moment where Shane and Alice made fun of Leisha Hailey's yougurt commercials was cute.

Lorraine said...

I just can't get over the fact that it's all going to end in tragedy.

Is that thought kind of souring any of the Shenny love for you guys?

Anyway - The ending of last nights episode kind of seemed like it would have made a perfect ending to the series. Kind of like the Queer as Folk ending with Heather Small's "Proud' playing. Very ceremonious and happy and whole.

The song they are playing, btw, is Don't Keep Me Waiting by Sharleen Somethingorother. It was a royal pain in the ass to find, but it finally showed up on Project Playlist.

Also - That Hustler video is fucking amazing - Where can I find the extended version ;0)

Sarah said...

there are typos in my last comment! oh my god, my brain is going crazy. couldn't let it go without at least acknowledging it, sorry.

Anonymous said...

Yo this EP was very good. Almost brought me to tears during Alice's reading of that letter.

Anonymous said...

Hey, yeah i agree I liked this episode. I loved Bette and her insane laughter. Jennifer Beals... mother may i? As for the Kit lingo, what is with that? I'm often like.. what the bloody hell did she just say!?!!?
As for Jenny's boobs... not so much. I'm gonna go ahead and say.. I could live without 'em. I like her, just not so keen on her boobies. However if u wanna test me on it and see if i crack by having her turn up at my door, I won't lie I wouldn't say no!!!

nerdmafia said...

#10. anytime anybody says the words "bloody hell", my eyes flutter a little and i'm like, "say that again...real slow..." rachel shelley saying it is just icing on the cake.

#7. yay for shane boobies. as for jenny boob-bies (i believe i commented on that one before)

#6. that 'hustler' vid is off the chain!!! also, i'm not against the shane and jenny scenario...i just need more boobies. if you're gonna put the two nakedest cast members together, you should get, like, six boobs instead of just the normal four.

#5. i was a little surprised that you didn't make this one number FO..."studio Fifty-FO"? really? seriously? who wrote this, and do they know any black people at all?

#4. i got your vocal range "right here". jenny is HI-LAY-REE-US!!!

arlan, as always, my evening is a bit brighter for having had your top ten in it. tip of the hat to you, lady!

Solo said...

i have no idea about the fifty fo deal,but i certainly know that i love Angela Robinson ,,,since u just named the two episodes from the last 2 seasons which were good...nd they are created by her..i do respect her !!!
she brings LIFE not boringness...i know there is no word like that,but its exactly how i see it :))

Yo boootiful when i have u down the pool :)))

Helena..I need more i never noticed YOU (Arlan) are fellow fan of this absolutely amazingly spectacular lady...I wish more ladies in UK had HER accent :))))

Solo said...

oh...shame i forgot to mention that i didnt even notice the missing of pregnant Max...
HOW that happened??

GB said...

Am i the only one that realized that Shane was supposed to be doing Eric Mabius' hair... you know the guy that played Tim the first to seasons?! maybe everybody was to distracted/disgusted with all the shenny being thrown at us lol !

And i loved loved loved bette in this episode, she needs to laugh more often! I almost fell off my chair when Phyllis hit on Bette, effing hilarious

SuperTex said...

-> bette + laughter = good times. this may have been the most she has ever laughed in her entire life. when bette's happy, i'm happy.

-> oh kit. there's keepin it real, and then there's just real bad. its ok. i know it ain't your girl.

*sigh* so much hot mess in this ep, but i did enjoy myself. thanks angela.

"unshelter me" - my damn! best two words of that movie. or at least in close competion with "fucking dyke!" "fucking asshole!"

SuperTex said...

hey GB!

glad you mentioned that. i was talking with a friend about this ep earlier today, and i said they gave a shout out to "tim" by shane doing eric's hair