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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 6, Episode 6 Was..."On Crack or Somethin'?"

10. Lactose Intolerable.

You might be wondering what the picture above is. Well, my friends, it's a picture of me and my producer--he simply goes by "Bunnay"--discussing last Sunday's episode of The El. He's trying to convince me that it was an amazing piece of work, the fruit of several dozen talented men and women (mostly women) who have worked incredibly hard to get us to a point where we can have a show like this on television that may not always speak FOR us, but certainly speaks TO us. Bunnay wants me to know we should be truly grateful.

I fired Bunnay moments after this picture was taken.

It's taken me 6 days just to wrap my head around what happened on last Sunday's show. I was honestly completely confused for 90% of it. The only time I wasn't confused was when Helena was on screen. Walking, or talking, or pouting, or drinking, or saying "Fuck off, Jenny." That 10% was as clear as the driven snow. It's not that I loathed this episode. There were some moments that I found amusing/cool/slightly sexy. But uh, for the most part...

9. Mood Poisoning.

I'm still wondering exactly how long Shane was throwing up before Jenny got to her. It felt like forever. I wonder why...oh that's right, cause they frickin SHOWED SHANE THROWING UP. I'm not a fan of like...vomit on screen, in person, or now I realize, in print. Especially seconds after getting the slightest bit aroused by a Shane/Nikki mayhaps sexy moment. And to top it off, they had her throw up on MY CLEMENTINE?? Are you crazy?? Wait, I know the answer to that.

Juno-kudos though to Kate Moennig for being surprisingly great at acting sick.

By the way, where was I when Shane became a photographer? I do remember her taking creepy pics of Molly while she was asleep, but I would have done the same thing. Didn't think it was anything more than a amazingly appropriate reaction to waking up to Clementine Ford hobby. But you know what? Shane should've been a photographer ALL along. It's a MUCH better idea and would work better with the whole growing up in foster care/homeless back story. Cause when exactly did dyky-ass horny & homeless Shane find time to take 600 hours of cosmetology training? I can see her picking up an old SLR and taking some pics to capture human emotion. Hmmm...perhaps in the prequel.

8. Directed by That "Cougar" Guy From "Top Gun"...I KNEW It!

As soon as shit started getting weird at that baby shower, and I Shaned a little in my mouth, I knew this was a Cougar situation. If you'll recall, he directed my least favorite episode of last season too. I'm sure he's a lovely man, probably a great father, son, brother, and friend. A gentleman, I'm sure. But damn it...DAMN IT COUGAR.

And while we're on the subject of fuckery, since when does Kit's body not "respond to its own kind?" Tell that to Papster and Ivan, yo. Also, how could Kit not know that dude was Sunset Blvd? I knew it the first time they showed him on screen. When he's in drag, he doesn't put on a voice at all, his arms are ginormous and what completely straight laced dude would be at this opening? I was half expecting Mangus to pop out of nowhere. He seems like he'd dig this kind of art like whoa.

What's with the contractor chick who doesn't know she's gay? I think it's cute and funny and all that...but didn't that feel more like something that should've/would've happened in Season 1 or 2? It just seemed so...random. I'm tired of complaining. Hmmm...I will say that the lighting and audio work on this episode was impeccable. *sigh*

7. When Kelly Wentworth gets tipsy, she gets SO EXCITED. She gets SO EXCITED.

...And I get SO...SCARED. Not of Elizabeth Berkeley's performance, cause she's doing a great job with what she's being given. But with the episode in general. I played this song over and over during different parts of the episode and rocked back and forth to get me through it.

(Thanks Boo for the head's up on where to find this vid!)

6. Clementine Ford is Still Hot, Even in Pictures...Well, Until Shane Throws UP ON HER FACE, Of Course.

5. I'm Thinking of Starting a Rival Night to Truckstop: Bus Stop.
I loooved when Jenny told Shane that her 12 minute-long or so desperate attempt to find her included a stop at Truckstop. I've mentioned the Friday night *place to be* in West Hollywood (I'm there when I can be!) several times on the blog. I wonder if she was on the list. I wonder if she stopped off at Gay Pizza before jumping back in her car. In case you've never been to the club or seen LOGO's "Gimme Sugar," this is what happens on a typical Friday night at Truckstop:

...I'm surprised that bitch ever left the place.

4. Taffy Lite

I am appreciative of the random Jaimie boobs in the shower because it meant not only did we get to see her luscious boobs, but we got to see them wet. Credit where credit's due. Boob... But...there are only 2 episodes left, and if they don't get these bitches into a like....18 minute threesome in one of those episodes, I'm callin' a foul on the play. Seriously y'all. This is some clit tease bullshit for sure. I wouldn't be so worked up if it were like, middle of Season 4 or some junk...but come on...what you talkin' bout willis??

I was also appreciative of the Alice/Tasha quickie on the couch. Cool beans. Whatevs. Didn't have me reaching over my bed with the only hand I had available to call my peeps about it, like every scene involving Rachel Shelley does but it was cool for what it was. I wanted to pick Tasha up and place her ever-so-gently in the shower. Then ruuuun back into the living room and pick up Alice and place her riiiight on the other side of Jaimie's wet body. THAT my friends, is direction. Now...action!

3. Jane Lynch Saves Everything, All The Time.
I was just about to unscrew my doorknob to throw it at the screen, when Jane Lynch magically appeared. I slowly backed away from my door, sat back down, and giggled for a few hundred seconds. She just makes EVERYTHING better.

2. Sing it With Me: Oompa, Lompa, Do Pa De Do, I've Got Another Puzzle For You. Oompa, Loompa, Do Pa De Da, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT??

Not sure if that's exactly how the song is supposed to go, but I found my creative muse at around 6 minutes into the episode when I was literally stunned silent, with my mouth agape. I don't remember much from the accident, I just know that Max was humiliated in more ways than I could count, Jenny was crazier than EVER, and that Bette & Tina's stroller gift was lovely, except that putting hot coffee within 2 and half inches of a newborns leg doesn't seem like the BEST idea they've ever had. When they finally have a child, they'll know. ...oh wait.

1. Helena's Taken to the Sauce, and Dylan's Taken to Being a Bloody Fool.

For the first 2 minutes of the show, Dylan is the smartest woman ALIVE. She didn't wanna be there (neither did I), she couldn't stop thinking about what and who went down the night before (neither could I), and all she wanted to do was hit that again (goes without saying, really). And then fastforward 45 awkward seconds and the unthinkable happens: Dylan leaves Helena...AGAIN. Are you serious?? I could understand her being bummed and embarrassed...but this bitch lied to Helena, then FRAMED her to embezzle millions (right? it better have been...hmph), and then left her beautiful ass high and dry. Ahem...wait...just got an unrelated image......


...aaaand I'm back! Dylan, do me a favor baby and come here. Naw, come closer to the screen. Close your eyes and listen carefully: the bloody hell...were ya thinkin'? You crazy?? That's Helena, yo. HELL-ENA. Sometimes her bra is on when you do her. Sometimes it's off. But either way you slice it, that's HELENA you got there. *deep breath*

I know what happened to her. She snapped. I think these poets say it best in this video:


This one goes out to my readers!

I didn't realize how many people dug my Top 10 lists until I was uber late posting this one, and I felt the wrath of the impatient lesbian masses:-) Since I only get anywhere from 15-40 comments on these lists each week, I figured it wouldn't be missed if I was sneaky and skipped a week. But oh wrong I was! And that's FRICKIN AWESOME:-) Thanks so much for reading and for caring. This one's...for you. I hope you treasure it, embrace it, and live by it every single day:


ShamelessFeminist said...

Yeah, Dylan leaving Helena again really pissed me off! I think for these next two episodes Helena needs to just move on. If a girl will wreck your life and then get mad at you for making sure she's not the same person she used to be, something's wrong and the relationship is bound to fail.

Jaimie said...

Yes girl, you were totally late on this one. But, we forgive you.

I thought the EXACT SAME THING about shane. I had to call up a few of my friends and was like, "Did i miss something? a whole episode? since when is shane a photographer??"

I also am getting so sick of Kelly Wentworth and her big shiny face. Why does it have to be shiny all the time?

But this whole time I have been excited because there is a Jaimie on there. And she's been hangin with Tash. Cuz I love tash. and alice but tash more. She spells it the same way as me? Thats Awesome.

RHEA said...

Dylan leaving Helena makes'.sense.

Which fits with 99.298% of the rest of this season.

leigh said...

i read it every week, even if i don't comment :)

I may be one of the minority, but I don't want a 3some with jamie and my beloved tasha and alice! I'm not a 3some fan... i'm a sappy romantic.

this episode made me angry - i HATE how they're treating Max, i hate how Jenny insists on calling him her.

I REALLY hate that Jenny thinks she saw Kelly and Bette together, and next week tells Tina.

I wasn't grossed out about the vomit - but was it the oyster that made her sick - and if so why wasn't everyone at the opening sick. it just didn't make sense. and did jenny wonder why shane went to her studio. and shane's vomit looked like milk. hmm

Vik said...

so since the 'nsync video ain't loading....

let me just tell you... that i literally sat here for almost 7 minutes watching that truckstop video... and now, that i know it's a club, makes more sense to my small brain :)

and yes, jaimie, tasha, and alice all need to fuck bc if they do not, i'm going to hurt someone *coughilenecough*

i fecken LOVE jane lynch! and am i the only one subscribed to the showtime texts?? bc when she sent out that text in the office... i fucking got that text AT THE SAME EXACT TIME! fucking brilliant i tell you!

yeah.. can i just say that the whole fucking oompa lompa bull shit scared the FUCK out of me! but the good thing was... shane and alice talking on helium which made me giggle :D

and, this whole thing with jenny this season... it's like... if someone doesn't kill her soon, I will! i swear... they've taken it TOOOOO far. and it's annoying the fuck out of me!

okies i think that's all...

OH and... vagina :)

Tiffanie/Southern Comfort said...

I was wondering when your post was coming about this episode. Then I thought, maybe she is stuck on WTF like the rest of us. This is definitely one of my least favorite episodes.

Hmmm let's see, my favorite things about Episode 6. First off, Tasha handling her business with Alice after seeing Jamie nude. And yes, I'm with you on that should have been a threesome! And my other favorite thing was reason #7 on your top 10 list. My inner dork tried never to miss an episode of Saved by the Bell. I think some of my earliest girl on girl fantasies involved Jessie, Lisa, and Kelly! That's a secret that I only share with my closest friends! So feel special, Arlan.

Anonymous said...

Where the heck is the props for Max shaving that crap for a beard off of his face?!

THAT is where credit is due!

arlan said...

Anonymous, you are SO right! :-)

Forwarding with Pictures said...

comments or not you've gotta know we love ARLAN!!!

or at least I do...

Lost with Shane. Me too.

Jenny acting crazy - What else is new??

Hoping in my heart that Alice is FINALLY truly happy - maybe just me.

But... soul glo?? My soul shined much more in antici........pation of the top ten list.

Love you Arlan. Keep it up.

Tamara said...

You know it's going to be an interesting episode when within the first 3 minutes you become extremely uncomfortable watching it. I wanted to turn the channel after Dylan walked out on Helena, again, because of Jenny (the crazy bitch). It only got worse from there. Then the ending also made me really uncomfortable because who the hell really takes a picture like that?!?!? Wouldn't you just turn your head at the moment then confront them the next time you see them? Not take a freaking picture.

Oh and that Truck Stop video was amazing. thanks for posting that. Makes me wish they had something like that here in Michigan. Now when i travel out to the west side of the states, i now know of a place i want to stop!

Anonymous said...

This episode was ridiculous. I have no idea how they're ever going to resolve things by the last episode.
Kit: Has to get with Sunset Blvd
Shane: Must leave Jenny... maybe for Molly? Please?
Alice & Tasha: I don't know, do I want them to stay together and fix it with a three-some with Jamie or realize that maybe it's not meant to be?
Helena: I think she has to get over Dylan. But maybe they'll end up happily ever after producing movies together?
Bette & Tina: have exactly two episodes to adopt a baby and get over the havoc Jenny is about to wreak on them
Max: needs to have baby and then get rid of it. much like the beard
Kelly: Needs to disappear back to Saved by the Bell land.

...and Jenny, well she JUST NEEDS TO DIE.

My friend Olivia made some pins, and believe you me, I think everyone in the cast needs to sport them because it's going to be a group effort to drown that biatch:

Sha25 said...

Love it had me laughing the entire time. Thanks Arlan...Definitely better late than never!

M!zzunderstud said...

So, I read your ish like every week , but never comment , but i thought now would be the perfect time to do that since things are starting to get out of hand.

First off what the hell was Ilene thinkin by lettin that "Cougar" guy direct one of the last episodes of the last effin season. Especially, when she knows the last episode he directed went into the hall of fame of the shittiest episodes.

Okay, now what the fuck is Tash thinkin. What the eff is up with the boner she keeps gettin everytime that itch Jamie pops her effin self onto the screen.

I have to say that Jenny is startin to irk the ish outta me. Everyone might find out that I killed that itch. Like how the hell did what Bette look like she was givin Kelley face. Has she never really seen someone givin face before?

And about the photography thing. WHAT THE EFF? Are they havin like half shows behind our backs or some ish cuz um...I'd like to see those cuz maybe those make more since than the regular ones.

Tanks for the opportunity to vent. *whew*

nerdmafia said...

omg! i've been checking the blog every day waiting for this list, arlan! i just kept thinking, "maybe she doesn't know what the feck happened either..."

so, jessie spano needs to be stopped. why are her eyes always SO wide the f*ck open?! she looks like a tim burton character only creepier because faces like that should only exist in an imagination/animation type of setting and shouldn't be on real, actual people.

can someone please just kill jenny so i can at least feel like one thing on this show makes sense? and while we're on the subject of dead jenny, lucy lawless on just one/two episodes? really? sorry, i thought this show was meant to be really gay or something; but if it was really gay, there would've been more lucy lawless by now.

i love tasha. i am very fond of alice. i like the idea of tasha and alice because it generally means that tasha will be naked at some point in the show. i must say that on that note, i have found this season to be a major let down...enter jaimie. thanks for being naked this ep, girl, and takin' one for the team. i am in support of a t.a.j. threesome for a couple of reasons: 1)this has been the least naked season of the l word and i am openly offended by this. 2) the threesome would be HOTTT. 3) the inevitable fall out from a t.a.j. threesome would provide some much need logic-based drama on a show that has steered clear of logic for the better part of its last season.

why are we puking on clementine ford? in what universe is that supposed to ever be acceptable?

when DID shane become a photographer? (tho you're right. it makes WAY more sense than her being a hair stylist). and how much crack is jenny on that she snatched up a $3000/mo space and furnished it with a bunch of photo gear to hang on to a "girlfriend" that she's super paranoid will f*ck someone else *coughnikkistevenscough* and leave her?

can we talk about max freaking out and begging bette and tina to adopt his baby? can we also discuss bette and tina flat out saying no?

also, since max shaved his stupid beard off (yay! btw), does this mean that we'll all be very disappointed when the writers make him decide to give up the whole trans man thing so he can be a mommy and go back to being a girl?

this season isn't so much about who killed jenny as who's going to kill ilene...i'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

this entire section was completely on point. The only thing missing is the max shaving his beard of... Wonder what is going to happen there. I really enjoy your postings about L word. I honestly think the majority of the Lesbian and or bi community that watches this show, all of their hearts are going to stop once the series finale episode has concluded. I know mine sure as hell will. My life will go back to being a normal boring life as usual... I personally think the writers took the easy way out this season. But keep up the awesome work!

Jenna Rosenthal said...

Hey Arlan, I absolutely love your top ten lists. Anyway, you are spot on with everything. This SUCKED. Dylan leaving again is just nuts. The whole baby shower party for Max was an utter disaster. Kelly Wentworth is scary. Drunk, excited Kelly Wentworth is just frightening beyond all reason. Props to Bette for pushing her ass off of her. If Jaime, Alice, and Tasha don't get it on soon I am gonna throw a fit. And lastly, I just sat here watching that Truckstop video all the way through... holy shit, son. I want to GO THERE.

Nicole said...

wow I am absolutely surprised that you made no comment on Max shaving his beard off I mean sure we didn't see him after that but still lol. (oh just realized someone else commented this but I'm gonna keep it in anyways lol)

I don't think the episode was as bad as you think. But I am wondering when shit is gonna start happening, there is only 2 episodes left! When does the "wrap up" begin..

and I'm also wondering why the hell Shane got so sick all of a sudden, it was creepy weird, I didn't mind the vomit so much though and she is really good at acting sick.

My theory all of the girls kill Jenny together, that would be the best way to go :P

arlan said...

stalkingsarah, reminds me of this:

...since she has the album called "who killed..."


Nicole said...

Oh and also cause I forgot to comment, when Shane was with Molly remember that whole awkward breakfast scene? I believe that that is when Shane was talking about becoming a photographer.. going to school for it I think I'm not 100%

However how that prompted Jenny to buy her a studio I don't know... I think she is just trying to control everything as usual.

Also Shane became a hairstylist when she was whoring around, she met a man who ended up paying for her schooling ... they have said it I just don't remember when.

(as if these non specific references help very much lol If I had time I would watch the whole show again and pinpoint times so that you could find it but I don't lol.)

arlan said...

I didn't realize there was so much Kelly Wentworth hating. I think Elizabeth Berkeley is doing a really good job actually. She just hasn't been given much to actually...DO. But her acting is great...right tone and everything.

And I think she's pretty.

Just my two (thousand) cents.

arlan said...

Oh and Nicole, I LOVE that you cleared up the Shane/hairdstylist/photographer thing! Definitely wasa confused about that and I have watched every episode. But ya know...even the actresses themselves forget plotlines...they've admitted that. So we're allowed too:-)

Nicole said...

Ya for sure, I'm sure I have forgotten many a story line from this show lol, but not with Shane haha. I love Kate Moennig .. Heck I even just got a new kitty and named her 'Sian'

Thanks for your blogs btw they always make me laugh :)

Mia said...

I love your top 10 lists Arlan! If is don't comment, it's mainly because you said it all for me, and i probly look like an idiot just saying "yeah!" and "uh huh!" so there you have it. :)

Nesha j. said...

I was soo over who killed Jenny by episode 2. I was like fuck who killed Jenny, more like who is going to fall asleep first from this boring ass season. When you have your last season, you're suppose to go out with a bang, ESPECIALLY when your season is virtually cut in damn half.

You know your show is going down the gutter, when one of the stars of the show thinks this season is mad wack!! Check out Rose Rollins on the AfterEllen show This Just Out (She changed her hair, NO PONYTAIL!!).

For someone that doesn't know any better, it would look like Bette was giving that good face to Kelly. Kelly's legs were open, skirt up over her thighs, head tilted back, and Bette down on her knees. Hell I prolly would have taken a picture too. Elizabeth Berkley does need to quit with the chemical peels or the botox or whatever the fuck she does because that is not hot. Saw her last night on CSI MIAMI and she wasn't near as shiny and wide-eyed as on this L Word season, and actually looked pretty.

Shane needs to grab a damn grip and hold on to it, an give ole Jenny's crazy ass the big boot!! Like Alice said, "Dump Her!!!!"
(Helium Voice). I knew something was going to happen with the oyster after Jenny said it was like a man cumming in your mouth(well I think it was jenny, I usually just tune her ass out when she speaks).

Now I know this is hella long but hey, what can ya do?? Ok so last thing. And I think this is a question that majority of us want to scream in Ilene's ear......BITCH WHERE ARE THE INTENSE MIND BLOWING SEX SCENES!!!
I mean what the fuck Chuck? I can only remember two sex scenes, that beautiful scene with Helena & Dillon, then last week with Alice and Tasha. AND THAT WAS BARELY A SEX SCENE. Can we have some naked sex please?...Damn!

Nikki said...

This episode was whack.

Terra Lynn said...

This whole season is on crack. Haha but I did like this episode. Your least favorites tend to be my favorites but it's all good. Lol. I agree that I don't think Dylan should have left Helena so quickly after the shit she did.

And also, Shane mentioned once season 5 she was interested in photography and took one pic of Molly so I guess that makes her a photographer. LMAO.

The oompa loompa party was funny as hell though.

Anonymous said...

but i'm pretty sure shane threw up on carmen not molly! i swear it's carmeeennn? am i crazy?

Anonymous said...

have you guys heard about the spin-off pilot that they shot??? Its supposed to be called "The Farm" and the main character will be Alice. and she will be in prison for killing jenny.

Nicole said...

I heard Alice is taking the fall for someone else lol but that might just be a rumour ;)

Also the farm isn't just lesbians in jail lol but it's a jail show. I'm kinda excited I like Alice :)

This last show I know you haven't posted about it yet but damn it wasn't boring but it wasn't the L word I have come to know and love, and only one more episode left wtf? where are the big mind blowing scenes??