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Monday, August 20, 2007

"Just. Stop. It."

GUEST BLOGGER ALERT!! GUEST BLOGGER ALERT!!


by Jescas! (pictured above)

Okay here's a little something about myself:
I hate weird things. For instance: smiley faces (the classic yellow ones), the peace sign symbol (I hate it even MORE when it's in rainbow colors), tie-dye, hello kitty crap, and those tiny little erasers that kids spend 500 chuck-e-cheese tickets on that cost them [you] 50 bucks to earn because the damn kids don't know how to throw a skeeball.

SO, just to start off bluntly...by no means is popping your collar okay. It's one of those weird things I hate. People close to me know how I feel about popped collars and the bag o' douches that do it but now you guys get to know. For instance, right now I am wearing a collar that, technically, SHOULD be popped. But do I have it up? Is it lightly grazing my ears? No. I see people doing it and I just want to walk right up to them and give them a mean letter that I end with a frowny face....Or take their birthday away. Either way, I would make them cry. True story. If you do this, just stop it. Curious about how to identify a douche? Go here.

Also in today's post comes a little vocab lesson. iDouche. Use it. Yell it. Love it. Make someone feel lame by using it. You've seen them. They're the guys that are obsessed with their iPhones. The ones that clip it to their belt loop. The ones that have all the matching accessories including the blue tooth wireless headsets. With that said, here comes another word for ya...BlueTool. They are the people that never take off their headsets. I once saw someone wear one at dinner during a date. I feel bad for the girl he was with. She was hot. He was too busy fiddling around with his headset to butter her bread. No ones bread should go unbuttered. I'd butter her bread. I'd butter it real slow.

Ugghh, just talking about all those douche bags and iDouches reminds me why I love the "Ladies". I like girls. They're hot. They can call me anytime. I wish I could ride in the desert on a horse, with four of them holding onto me tightly, giggling at all my stupid jokes and wearing nothing but bikinis and pigtails. Ok, I'm lying. I'll take one just to cuddle with me on the couch while we watch South of Nowhere and discuss just how hot Spashley is. Any takers?



Hope everyone doesn't have a bad case of the Monday's!

-J

Note from Arlan: see Jescas' previous blog entry here:-)

12 comments:

Bailey said...

Your poised sense of humor amused me. blunt and disgruntled bcuz its monday morning, but we all get the case of the mondays. Your hot. id hit that. keep blogging and keep smiling.

keira said...

I volunteer to be a bikini/pigtail-clad-horse-back-riding-giggle-slave-grrl. Did you hear that Thai cops have to wear hello-kitty armbands if they mess up at work? Fun stuff....

jescas said...

keira...are you kidding me that they have to wear hello-kitty armbands?! where did you hear this. and where can i send a letter to say how awesome that is! i havent heard something so awesome since sarah shahi whispered in my ear "do me. hard. against the wall. twice" last weekend.

damn.

thanks for my monday smile. :]

Rei said...

Dude...I would be your best friend for life. You kick ass...hard.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna come right out and say it...I have, in the past, popped a collar.

There, I feel better already, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Kids really do suck at skeeball.

I hate the awkward conversations that ensue when a bluetooth is involved because you think the person is talking to you..but no, they're not.

I'd very much like to initiate a weekly SON cuddle party...that may or may not transform into a naked party at the shows end...

keira said...

jess... check it out, it's all over the news . I couldn't find police dude's e-mail, but his name is Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan.

jescas said...

oh my god...i cant even begin to tell you how much i love the fact that its a "badge of shame"

what a great tuesday morning :]

keira said...

nice....if you're happy, then I'm happy. No really, like in my pants and everything

Kae-Tee said...

lmfao... I much enjoyed reading that.

iDOUCHE...we don't have any of those here in Canada yet.

Jenn said...

i agree with your feelings on popped collars and spashley. nah and yeh.

Jade said...

Sickest blog ever. I love the pic of the guy with his collar popped to like the ceiling. WTF. and where did you find that shit.

Also...why don't you have a g/f? I think you know your hot and you just like the attention and being craved. ~_o

jescas said...

haha no jade i dont have a girlfriend...as for the attention....it got you comment. something must have worked ;]