I have an announcement to make: I'm gaining weight. Now I know this is shocking to some of you, but I do not want to cause you distress. Please everyone, calm down and get back in your seats. I will answer any and all questions you have, if you'll get them to me in an orderly fashion, and stop with your crying.
My belly is round, like Santa's. It's getting rounder. More round. Whichever is the correct way of saying HUGE in an orbital way. It does not help that in the last 30 minutes I have had a 99cent bag of Doritos, about a million Hershey's Hugs, and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. And it's midnight. *sigh*
Hopefully I'll snap out of this little emotional eating phase I'm going through very soon so I won't have to roll myself to West Hollywood. I like to be light as a feather (and stiff as a board, *wink wink*) when I go trollin' for the ladies. I also like to sit by myself while waiting for friends and spark up conversations with strangers. I'm an extremely curious person by nature and it helps keep me on my toes. Plus by doing this, you sometimes get to meet some really funny chicks who help make you forget about why you're emotionally eating in the first place.
Last week I met this chick named Val. Val is a *gay* I can hear you gasping from here! Turns out Val and her friend (just friends...Val has a girlfriend and I think this other chick Beth is a breeder...the mystery continues though) have this hilarious vlog that a lot of dudes watch. And while it's not super important that they're one-half lezzy, since it really has nothing to do with their talent on screen (in the boudoir? Well thats another question),I think it's time we added some good ol' fashioned LADIES to their viewing audience.
I'd like to introduce you to...
"The Beth and Val Show"
Haha...sarcasm never looked so good. You can add the ladies on their official myspace page at myspace.com/bethandval. Tell em Arlan sent you and I'm pretty sure they'll give you a virtual lapdance.
See lots more of their videos on their website on