Blog Archive

Monday, January 28, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Season 5, Episode 4 Was Half-"Huh?"/Half-"Hooray!"

10. She doesn't know "soap stone??" You guys already know my opinion of the genius that is Bette's sign language lernin' abilities. But I was confused in this episode. Bette knows every nook and cranny of the language of Sign, but she doesn't know the words "soap" and "stone?" I think those would have been two of the first words I learned in any language. She knows "dilettante," but neither "soap" nor "stone?" Hmm. That's a chin tapper. While studying the language on the "best website" she could find for sign language, she thought she might have to know how to say the words "traumatized," "shadow" and "dilliatante," but not "soap??" In case you weren't obsessing over this like I was and missed it, here it is again:


9.It was just a day at the Beech.
How in the frick did Beech get to be so damned cool all of a sudden? Literally overnight. Cliterally, Over. night. One minute he's about to sell Tasha down the river, next minute after his wife says a few things to him and he's instantly cured of all of his prejudices, he's over at the dykes' house havin dyke tea and dyke crumpets? I think not!

8. Dimbo? Denbo? Uh oh. I don't know. I just don't like that that is her name. Change her name or somethin. And SheBar? Um...could you BE any more GirlBar if you tried? And I know you tried and thats the point. But it's like. Dimbo. Shebar. My lover. I feel like if I ever meet Elizabeth Ziff, she's gonna have some choice words for me. I'll listen to em. Then I'll be like..."ok I understand what you're sayin and where you're coming from, but really? She didn't know how to say "soap stone?" Are ya kidding me??"... And then I'd be kicked out of the VIP room at Girl SheBar.

7. They finally gave Foxxy a gun, y'all. Watch out sucka! They've got Kit doin' some awesome work with the self defense stuff and the way she's handling (so to speak) the gun situation. But every once in a while they still gotta throw in lines like, "welcome to the hood." Why come, Ilene? Why come? It's at a point now where every time Kit says a line like this, I immediately start humming "When Moses was in Egypt's land...let my people goooo' to myself. Hmmm...while we try to figure that out, just look at this pic of Pam Grier from...the past. Mmmm...:



6. Thanks...Jennys...Left Boob. I've missed it SO. And she took it out for me and jiggled it and everything. You know those annoying commercials for some sort of chicken where the mom serves the brats some chicken, and then time freezes and the kids stand up from whatever theyre doing and they give a speech about how wicked awesome the chicken is and how radical the mom is. And at the end they go, "Thanks...Sam's Mom." Or whatever. That's how I felt when Jenny showed me her left boob last night. And I don't care what the haters say, I'm in love with Jenny this season. She's an absolute terror. Mia Kirschner is acting the HELL out of what she's been given (like she does every season). My advice for those of you who want to send Jenny off in a little row boat down by the river, is to just relax and go with it. Watch the little things like Shane stroking Jenny's hair at the gym for no good reason. It's fun!

5. Mmmm...more boobies: Yum and Yummer. Once again, the writers listened to our pleas last year when writing this season. We asked for simple things like food and water, shelter, perhaps a bread crumb and a lemon...and some major tit action. Major boobs. Areolas. Nipples, hard and soft. Big and small. You name it. (I certainly did.)

4. Meet my lover, Alicia Leigh Willis. Who the hell still says "this is my lover?" Oh well. Doesn't really matter cause just as I was getting really purturbed by that particular writing (Ziff...I mean YOU), they put Alicia Leigh Willis' breasts all up in my face (and back, and side area). Not only that, they gave us 6 breasts for the price of 4. Another thing I asked for last year during my open letter to Ilene and her Pussy Patrol was for more REAL threesomes. Fleshed out, if you will. And indeed, they answered the call. I cant tell you how many times I've been in that situation where I've had Alicia's supple breasts pressed against my back. And let me tell you, it ain't easy sharing her. So Juno-kudos to that Dimbo chick for going the extra mile for our Shane.


Tied for 2. French and Ford...Ooh la la!


Last night I met Kate French, the actress who was introduced in this episode as Nikki Stevens. She's mega hot. And mega nice. And mega down to earth and excited to be on the show. And mega...hot. Two thumbs up from this roving reporter. Hee. I've always wanted to say those two phrases, and I get to say them in the same sentence! Yeehaw. Shout out to Kate's roommate too. Cool beans. This is Kate aka my next "lover."


I also met Cybill Shepherd's daughter Clementine Ford. She's flippin sweet too. I tell you what, they're growing these young starlettes prettier and nicer than they have in a long while. I'm looking forward to her role on the show starting in an episode or two. Oh and this is a picture of Cybill from a few years ago. This is NOT Clementine, but might as well be because she's the spit'n image of her mama at this age:


Bi the way, did you know that "spit'n image" is derived from olden days when african americans (that'd be my people) used to say that someone was the "spirit and image" of someone else. And over time it was passed on phonetically to spit'n image. Yep.

1. Tibette. Hard.


If you still haven't subscribed to Showtime, get your act together and call up that bitch. There are like 7 or 8 episodes left. Jump on it!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

the picture of Cybill doesn't show up :(

Anonymous said...

Arlan, you're so wrong. I love you and all but this episode was AWESOMEEEEEEEEE. wayyy better than last weeks!

arlan said...

anonymous #1--i added a new one...hopefully this one sticks.

anonymous #2--yeah it was 50% awesome, 50% huh? thats just how i saw it...kinda weird. kinda brilliant. all at the same time. there were lots of boobs, so thats always a good time, though.

RB said...

Bette doesn't sign every single word when talking to Jodi. I have no idea why you're complaining about something so insignificant.

Beech was supposed to be able to sympathize with Tasha after she barged in on him. It's a plot point. Deal with it. There have been much stranger things on the show.

arlan said...

rb, whoa. :-)

Stacie said...

I think it's "Denbo." Not "Dimbo." I could be wrong though....

Heather said...

This episode was interesting, I agree with your 50% awesome 50% huh? diagnosis. Sometimes it felt like they knew what they wanted out of this episode and it filled 20 minutes, so they said let's throw this is, and throw that in, OOOH and a little of this! I think my chin was on the floor the whole episode cause I was either thinking "Yay boobies!" "What the fuck?" or "Did they really just go there?! Already?!"
I didn't think I really wanted Bette and Tina back together very much until I saw my reaction to that kiss!

xLove.Pinkx said...

I thought this episode was great. I agree with the thanks Jenny thing!LOL I was happy about that myself. And I loved it when Kit had to get the gun.

Robin said...

A .357 Magnum? Really? "The perfect gun for a woman?" I'm not saying it's not, but Dirty Harry's gun is not what a salesman would ever suggest to a woman. They'd be trying to sell her some pretty, little ineffectual thing. Check the gun carried by my favorite dyke on a cancelled TV series- Joannie Stubbs on "Deadwood". Her tiny Derringer is what a gun salesman would be showing Kit.

I loved the shot of Pam with the big ass gun though. Look out, Foxy Brown is back!

I think Beech's turn around was too easy too. He should have come to Alice's apartment reluctantly. Cause he's whupped! Then he should have warmed to Alice and Tasha slowly. That's the problem with TV sometimes, things gotta happen too fast.

-sandra said...

i agree...some things were kinda weird especially the whole "this is my lover" part. really, seriously? do ppl say that?! i know I don't- but the ending was the bestest!! yay woo freaking hoo!!!!

kat said...

Well, of course, there's the Tibette. And that was good. And I agree with you about Jenny, to a certain point though. She was my favorite for many seasons (I know, I'm weird), until last season where she officially went off the deep end. I wasn't liking her for awhile, but this ep, I liked her. All and all, good ep. :D

Rachael said...

What I found annoying is that Alice was talking on an iPhone when the MPs showed up at her door to interrogate her, but then when she's at the super-secret-closeted-celeb party she takes that (douchey) video clip with a flip phone.

Dowha?

That didn't make any sense to me. She has an iPhone people. WTF is with the cheap flip phone??

Attention to detail people. Attention to the damn detail. How the hell did the L Word people miss that??

Kim said...

My friend and I had a big MSN debate today about whether or not Tibette will get/stay back together this time- if they've grown enough to make it all work.

One thing's for sure though- there was HISTORY in that embrace in the bar. There was the intimacy of really knowing each other that you don't get in newer relationships. It was beautiful.

Loren said...

whered you see kate french? were you in studio city on sunday?

Melissa said...

So, this is random. But does anyone watch the show Chuck? Cause I just found out one of the main girls on it is Aussie which totally rocks my world. LOVE Aussie accents. Any who, found an interview with her on YouTube (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP0kqwwF5fY ) and she's asked what kind of guy she likes and her answer was kind of strange, she was like, "Um... I like a very unique style?" ...Any one want to make my day and tell me she's into chicks?! lol

Anonymous said...

It's so funny that you guys pay so close attention to detail. I should start paying more attention to the little things. Btw, Jenny is hilarious.

kristyn said...

strangely enough...uber bitchy jenny is kinda growing on me.

and ho.ly.shite.
tibette?
I could watch that forever.

vmauna said...

Personally, I'm just waiting for Jenny and Shane to hook up. It seems like it's been hinted at since the 2 moved in together and the way shane was eyeing Jenny as she was getting changed...seems like there's something more there than just her self induced sex fast. I may be wrong but I think it's going to happen.

Kelly said...

I SAW CANDY! brilliant. i was obsessed with this film, too. Heath Ledger (rest his soul) and Abbie Cornish made me believe their story. glad i watched the whole movie, otherwise, i'd almost be tempted to try heroin.

shireen said...

I love that they brought in real art controversies. The fake gun performance piece happened in 2004 at UCLA. After which, Chris Burden, a famous performance artist, retired in protest. wow, I'm such a dork ;)...

Misuk said...

Arrrgg... i totally would subscribe to Showtime but there is this little failure in my biography.

Sometimes it really sucks living in germany....

rae said...

so i couldn't find anywhere to e-mail or message you so i decide to leave this in the comments.

i found this artist i thought you might like. i 'm not sure if you've featured her before, but she's amazing:
http://www.myspace.com/krystlewarrenandthefaculty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne3ACfBpZSY

porselen kertenkele said...

i seem to remember you said something about a threesome, eh? you're the messenger of our little lesbian hearts.

the_real_linda said...

yes the constant introduction of "this is my lover" eugh!

natalie said...

Rachael - I thought I was the only one who noticed the cell phone discrepancy. It bothered me, but since I do own an iPhone, I will say that one of its MAJOR flaws is that it actually doesn't have a video feature/function. So maybe they realized when they were filming that scene that they couldn't use her phone, and substituted someone else's just for the sake of the clip...who knows. It's still annoying as hell though.

TINA and BETTE....Probably one of the best scenes EVER!!!!! I flew off my couch to watch that amazingness!

XLove.PinkX said...

vmauna I so agree with you. I noticed that too :)

Minnie-sota said...

Arlan, whenever I see that Ziff has written an episode, I'm waiting for a line or piece of dialog that is gonna make me spit.

Fortunately, the director was John Stockwell for Ep. 4.

Sapphic Linguist (not to mention Authoritarian) said...

I about died when I saw Alicia Leigh Willis! I love her

Lauren said...

"This is my lover, Cindy" cracked me up. It was supposed to be over the top, and she says it all the time. Dawn Denbo is amazing already. And tomorrow's episode is only going to cement her excellence.

NYGayLady said...

Tibette. 'Nough said.