Top 10 Reasons Season 5, Episode 4 Was Half-"Huh?"/Half-"Hooray!"

10. She doesn't know "soap stone??" You guys already know my opinion of the genius that is Bette's sign language lernin' abilities. But I was confused in this episode. Bette knows every nook and cranny of the language of Sign, but she doesn't know the words "soap" and "stone?" I think those would have been two of the first words I learned in any language. She knows "dilettante," but neither "soap" nor "stone?" Hmm. That's a chin tapper. While studying the language on the "best website" she could find for sign language, she thought she might have to know how to say the words "traumatized," "shadow" and "dilliatante," but not "soap??" In case you weren't obsessing over this like I was and missed it, here it is again:


9.It was just a day at the Beech. How in the frick did Beech get to be so damned cool all of a sudden? Literally overnight. Cliterally, Over. night. One minute he's about to sell Tasha down the river, next minute after his wife says a few things to him and he's instantly cured of all of his prejudices, he's over at the dykes' house havin dyke tea and dyke crumpets? I think not!

8. Dimbo? Denbo? Uh oh. I don't know. I just don't like that that is her name. Change her name or somethin. And SheBar? Um...could you BE any more GirlBar if you tried? And I know you tried and thats the point. But it's like. Dimbo. Shebar. My lover. I feel like if I ever meet Elizabeth Ziff, she's gonna have some choice words for me. I'll listen to em. Then I'll be like..."ok I understand what you're sayin and where you're coming from, but really? She didn't know how to say "soap stone?" Are ya kidding me??"... And then I'd be kicked out of the VIP room at Girl SheBar.

7. They finally gave Foxxy a gun, y'all. Watch out sucka! They've got Kit doin' some awesome work with the self defense stuff and the way she's handling (so to speak) the gun situation. But every once in a while they still gotta throw in lines like, "welcome to the hood." Why come, Ilene? Why come? It's at a point now where every time Kit says a line like this, I immediately start humming "When Moses was in Egypt's land...let my people goooo' to myself. Hmmm...while we try to figure that out, just look at this pic of Pam Grier from...the past. Mmmm...:



6. Thanks...Jennys...Left Boob. I've missed it SO. And she took it out for me and jiggled it and everything. You know those annoying commercials for some sort of chicken where the mom serves the brats some chicken, and then time freezes and the kids stand up from whatever theyre doing and they give a speech about how wicked awesome the chicken is and how radical the mom is. And at the end they go, "Thanks...Sam's Mom." Or whatever. That's how I felt when Jenny showed me her left boob last night. And I don't care what the haters say, I'm in love with Jenny this season. She's an absolute terror. Mia Kirschner is acting the HELL out of what she's been given (like she does every season). My advice for those of you who want to send Jenny off in a little row boat down by the river, is to just relax and go with it. Watch the little things like Shane stroking Jenny's hair at the gym for no good reason. It's fun!

5. Mmmm...more boobies: Yum and Yummer. Once again, the writers listened to our pleas last year when writing this season. We asked for simple things like food and water, shelter, perhaps a bread crumb and a lemon...and some major tit action. Major boobs. Areolas. Nipples, hard and soft. Big and small. You name it. (I certainly did.)

4. Meet my lover, Alicia Leigh Willis. Who the hell still says "this is my lover?" Oh well. Doesn't really matter cause just as I was getting really purturbed by that particular writing (Ziff...I mean YOU), they put Alicia Leigh Willis' breasts all up in my face (and back, and side area). Not only that, they gave us 6 breasts for the price of 4. Another thing I asked for last year during my open letter to Ilene and her Pussy Patrol was for more REAL threesomes. Fleshed out, if you will. And indeed, they answered the call. I cant tell you how many times I've been in that situation where I've had Alicia's supple breasts pressed against my back. And let me tell you, it ain't easy sharing her. So Juno-kudos to that Dimbo chick for going the extra mile for our Shane.


Tied for 2. French and Ford...Ooh la la!

Last night I met Kate French, the actress who was introduced in this episode as Nikki Stevens. She's mega hot. And mega nice. And mega down to earth and excited to be on the show. And mega...hot. Two thumbs up from this roving reporter. Hee. I've always wanted to say those two phrases, and I get to say them in the same sentence! Yeehaw. Shout out to Kate's roommate too. Cool beans. This is Kate aka my next "lover."


I also met Cybill Shepherd's daughter Clementine Ford. She's flippin sweet too. I tell you what, they're growing these young starlettes prettier and nicer than they have in a long while. I'm looking forward to her role on the show starting in an episode or two. Oh and this is a picture of Cybill from a few years ago. This is NOT Clementine, but might as well be because she's the spit'n image of her mama at this age:


Bi the way, did you know that "spit'n image" is derived from olden days when african americans (that'd be my people) used to say that someone was the "spirit and image" of someone else. And over time it was passed on phonetically to spit'n image. Yep.

1. Tibette. Hard.


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