But not today...
Today I talk about tattoos because I've found something that I will get tattooed to my arm. I'm hoping to do it within the next month. I'm scared because I don't do *pain* very well, hate needles, the sight of blood has been known to make me faint, and did I mention I don't like needles? Yeah. But this is something important enough to make me go through a few minutes of excruciating pain. Sort of like...giving birth?
What I want to have emblazoned across my forehead or chest (but WONT! and instead will let fall gracefully to my arm) is what has been my favorite quote and mantra since I was 15 years old:
I have lived so much
that someday they will have to
forget me forcibly...
my heart was inexhaustible.
(by Pablo Neruda)
No matter what I do, I try to live by this...code, I guess is the word. I don't want to be famous. But I do want to touch lives. I do want to touch so many people's lives that you'd never be able to take count. There's a second quote I learned in high school in Ms. Chambliss' sociology class that always stuck with me as well. It's simply:
Live so that there is standing room only at your funeral.
Through this site and a few other things I've done over the past couple of years, I've been able to start on that journey. I spend most of my time on here talking about bare breasts (yum...) and the like, but behind the scenes, I get life-affirming messages from people every day. It's something I wish everyone could experience.
Someone wrote this comment to me today:
"Hi Arlan. You know, last week when you did the live feed, I was really needing cheering up and you did a fabulous job. You really do so much for so many of us, you have no idea. Again, a few nights ago, I was in need of someone to talk to. I tried several "lesbian" chats, including on myspace but there was no intelligent conversation any where. I was sinking and did all I could do, turn to drugs so I could just sleep. Now here I am again, still needing someone and you so graciously share your story. At the very least, I do not feel quite so alone in my darkness. At least someone has shined in a little bit of light. Thanks just is not adequate Arlan. You are a keeper! Blessings, Chandra"
I wanted to share that with you guys because it already filled me up and there was still some left. Does that make sense? I think I might start sharing more messages that I get...crediting them anonymously of course. But so that you can start to get an idea. It never feels like it's being said to me. When someone recognizes me while I'm out and is excited to meet me, it never feels like they could possibly be feeling that way for me. You know? So I wanna reflect that light back towards all of you who make it possible.
And now with that last sentence, I'm officially starting to feel like a poor man's version of Oprah or Tom Cruise...so I will stop!! haha...
And for those of you who just wanna see two chicks doin it, here ya go: