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Monday, February 16, 2009

Top 10 Reasons L Word Season 6, Episode 5...

"Checked Itself Befo' it Wrecked Itself"

10. Shane Tanks You.
At first I thought the budget for Shane's wardrobe had been cut since it seemed like all we've seen her in this season is tanks. White tanks. Black tanks. Tanks half on. Tanks half off. And while we all know good things happen when Shane wears tanks:

, it was good to see her get her fashion icon groove back later in the episode. She was looking especially cris-pay. Made me wanna holler at her for the first time in a long time. Shane baby, get my number from Helena.

9. Bette Actually Said the Words "You betta check yo'self befo' you wreck yo'self!"

I think I high-fived the TV when this surprising line came out of Ms. Porter's mouth. Kit must have been SO proud. I was so ready for Kit to stop the scene and start singing this to Bette:

8. Angelina Robinson Should've Just Directed Everything After Season 3.

Seriously. She wrote and directed this episode and the best episodes from the past few seasons. Now mind you, every episode would look like D.E.B.S., but who cares?? It would be fun as hell. This episode was funny, enjoyable and entertaining. Somebody needs to give this woman her own show already and PRONTO. "GIRLTRASH" would work, people. I'm just sayin.

7. Helena Should Talk More.

She just should. This is why:

Take special note of how she says the words "naked," and "hardcore" and "placard."


6. "...And the Night...the Lights...Went Out...In WeHo!" Anytime Bette puts her dinner napkin to the side or gets *that* look on her face (you know the one), where she's juuust about to go OFF on someone, I'm always taken back to this Julia Sugarbaker scene from "Designing Women:"

5. Jenny, I Think You've Lost Your Mind...
Mia put the crazy poncho on and was off to the races in this episode. You know when Kirshner saw the script for this season, she had to be like, "Eff it. It's my last season, it'll pay for my rent for the next 5 years," and she just ran with that shit. Good for her for doing her job...and doing it well.

Now my good friend Terra Naomi certainly didn't have this Jenny in mind when she wrote this song a couple of years ago, but it's amazingly fitting:

4. That's Exactly How it is When I Walk Into Gay Pizza.

People wanna do shots of marinara sauce with me, take pics of my disgust at what's going on in the alley behind the bathroom me, and generally just kick it with me, pizza style. So I feel Nikki's pain. Sometimes you just wanna eat your gay pizza in peace. I still don't know how Nikki knew there were cameras to wave at in front of HIT, but that's just a tiny flaw in an otherwise cool episode, so I'm gonna chillax about it. Her Oscar rundown was pretty cool, and sounded like a conversation I've had about 50 times with my friends. And she was 90% spot-on except for something serious that was pointed out by a guy on youtube today. He's upset about the fact that the L Word referred to Brandon Teena as a lesbian in last night's episode. It's really quite interesting, so click here if you want to watch the vid. If after watching it you feel compelled to act, the same person is heading up a video response campaign that he's going to send to the writers. Click here to see the quick clip that explains that.

3. Where's Molly? And Still No Jessie Spano Boob Action??
Ok Ilene. Clementine Ford (the chick who plays Molly) came out last week. It is your duty now to show me her half nude body any chance you...wait, I'm getting a message from my producer:
Clementine Ford is on the phone? She wants me to know what? Oh...Pill Lady, I TOLD you, I'm working here, OK. Tell Clementine that I will call her back and that I already told her I would be her date to Dinah. Geez. And tell her to wear that thing I like. She knows what I'm talkin bout. Yeah...just like that...yeah... AHEM ok! And Elizabeth Berkeley still hasn't upset me even 1/10th as much as I thought she would when it was first announced she'd be on the show. But you also still haven't shown me her boobs. What's the deal? Are we seriously going to go an entire season with the woman who was in the movie "Stripper" or "Stripblade" or...whatever the hell it was called...and NOT see her boobs? That's an injustice.

2. They Found *Alice* Again! only if they could keep track of Baby Girl. Hmm....anyhoo! I LOVED Alice in this episode. Finally, the Alice that we know and love. She's funny. She's clever. She's fiesty. She's sexy. And most of all, she's comfortable. Leisha acted her ASS off in this one. I don't know, something just seemed a bit off the first few episodes of this season. Aside from the letter reading on "The Look," I didn't see my old Alice anywhere. But perhaps again we have Angela R. to thank for making everyone feel so comfortable and get back to who they really are.

1. Alexandra Hedison is the Luckiest Dyke on the Face of the Planet:

Alright kids, here's the deal. Wait, I need a moment.

*deep breath*

Ok you know how me and Rachel Shelley(s) got married and everything. And you know how she is one of the hottest women on this earth, and how I take every opportunity possible to remind you of that? And you know how I like when she's on screen, whether it be sitting there, standing there, jogging there, laughing there, or yelling there? Well last night...last night I...I mean did you see...and then her leg...and then the stockings...and her moaning and she had wrapped her leg around...and then she had...*deep breath*
(I'm sure this video will be taken down at some point, so watch it while you can.)

Ok I'll admit it: I pressed my head against the screen every time it showed the back of Dylan's when they were kissing. Don't you judge me.

It's officially ok that there was no sex in last week's episode. I understand now that the entire crew had to prepare themselves for this scene. They needed their rest to focus.

I just want to take this time to personally thank Ms. Robinson for having the vision and the intelligence to put a half naked, very agile Helena on my screen last night. You are a scholar and a gentleman, my friend. I will erect monuments in your honor at some point, and after I stop giggling every time I say the word "erect" to the people helping me build these monuments, I will christen the monument with a bottle that is filled with liquid gold, milk thistle, and one of my tears.

At last year's Dinah, Rachel Shelley(s) made a surprise appearance (coming directly from my hotel room, of course) at Ourchart's "Be Scene" event. Here's how it went down, in case you missed it:

"Literally the greatest job I've ever had, people!" - Alexandra Hedison

...that bitch ain't lyin.


Jess said...

I agree that Shane was starting to look better in this episode... and thanks to your picture im reminded of how hot she truly is...

And Angela Robinson is awesome. I enjoy her episodes more than any others...

my only gripe about this episode is that there was no max... and I want to know how he is dealing with everything...

i <3 this blog! thanks Arlan

Elizabeth said...

Angela Robinson makes the bad things better.

No matter how much I hate Jenny in a lot of these episodes (except during the phone call, that was this weeks exception) I love Mia Kirscher more and more, and I didn't think that was possible.

Shane's icky see-through white tank top with the saggy boob pocket last week was painful.

Jenna Rosenthal said...

I loved this episode. Rachel Shelley(s) is freaking SEXY and I agree Alexandra is such a lucky dyke right now!

Terra Lynn said...

Lol what's up with Shane's wardrobe? I liked the scarf and the white top she wore. And also, does she not have a job this season?! I loved Alice this episode. Leisha's awesome. And where was Max?

Robin Rigby said...

Arlan, you need to tally who all has threatened Jenny's life so far this season. I've lost track- Tina & Alice, looks like it'll be Helena's turn next week, but there have to have been more that I've forgotten.

Nicole M said...

I pretty much think Shane looks good all the time, yes I am one of those sickening girls LOL. But whoever said it was right, that saggy boob pocket last week made me wanna rip it right off her ;) lol.

Alice definetly got her groove back it has been seeming like she is like almost scared the past little while. Probably scared to lose Tasha

Jenny I love her more and more every week lol. Mia Kirshner is an amazing actress. All the girls in this show are amazing.

I agree also that I'm dissapointed that there was no max after what happened last week.

Thanks for your blogs love em. every week as soon as I watch the L word(usually a day or so after) I am all over this blog ;) I will be very sad when the show is over.

Anonymous said...

I loved this EP. They definitely made up for the last few. I almost fell on the floor when Bette say " you betta check yo self befo you wreck yoself" lol. Throughout the whole show I've defended Jenny Schecter and I've even enjoyed her craziness but, the last 2 EPs have made me join the "I hate Jenny" crew. Jenny is ridiculously controlling, manipulating, and just down right CRAZY. The only thing I'm mad about with this EP is that Alice didn't slap the dog shit out of Jenny. I was waiting. At one point I thought it was going to happen but, it didn't. Anywho, Big Ups to everybody for this EP. I loved it!

Anonymous said...

YOUR A GENIUS WHEN U WROTE- "I just want to take this time to personally thank Ms. Robinson for having the vision and the intelligence to put a half naked, very agile Helena on my screen last night. You are a scholar and a gentleman, my friend. I will erect monuments in your honor at some point, and after I stop giggling every time I say the word "erect" to the people helping me build these monuments, I will christen the monument with a bottle that is filled with liquid gold, milk thistle, and one of my tears." LOVED IT

SuperTex said...

ahhhh. kit. i think i've grown an unhealthy obession with you. it seemed to me in the shot after bette said the "check urself - wreck urself" bit, that pam looked in disbelief at jennifer like, "bitch! i know you ain't just took my only line in this episode". haha! and of course, kit can restore a hi-tech security system in a few short clicks, but has yet to understand text messaging...

the final sequence of super slow motion shots was gorgeous. possibly my favorite piece of cinematography in this whole series (minus the carmen scenes, of course). thanks angela!

p.Johanna said...

with all do respect, arlan, i know she is your wife and all, BUTT, what was the deal, DOES DYLAN NOT KNOW HOW TO UNFASTEN A BRA?!

Chrissy said...

I'm glad your brought up Bette's inner Black. You never really see it unless it deals with Angelica. Right after she said it, Kit looked over at her and gave her a look that said "Oh she didn't..." But she did. And that's why we love you, Bette.

narcisanise said...

Yes good episode, finally!
I think I've watched it 5 times so far...the sex scene was superb!
OK question, why is Shane the only one they ever show brushing her teeth? She has been shot brushing her teeth many times on the show. Has anyone else brushed their teeth? She is good at it but there has to be a reason. She brushed her teeth after coming home from seeing Nikki...was she brushing the pussy off her breath so Jenny wouldn't smell it? Hmmm... what do you gals think about this?

Minnie-sota said...

p.Johanna, I was thinking exactly that same thing about Helena's bra. Too funny. :-)

Actually my exact thought was, "If I were Dylan that bra would not still be on."

This thought closely followed, "I want to be Dylan."

scantron said...

congrats on making it to the top 3 in the humor category on the Lezzy Awards. I hope you'll vote for my site, Be Yr Own Queero for the Feminism / Politics category!

Anonymous said...

Mmm... ya know. I really couldn't even pay attention to any of the 10 things listed above because of the atrocity that is Mia Kirshner saying "nucular."

I barely even enjoyed the Helena sex.

C'mon Mia.

Lorraine said...

Miss Arlan.

Follow me on Twitter.


I will send you that 'pimping me out' message soonly. I'm waiting for photos from a recent Chicago brewhaha to be posted. They are too perfect.

zombinaSKELETONE said...

you keep my up on the L word news, and i think you for that dear arlan. i love this blog! :]

and srsly, you're right. wtf is up with shane's wardrobe? and does she not have a job?!

aimeetoons said...

ok...was I the only one who had a serious urge to smash every stupid knick knack and glass bottle thingee that got in the way of a clear shot of the Dylan/Helena love fest??

...rant over ;-)

Isabel said...

I loved this ep!

Can't wait for the Alic-Tash-Jamie threesome, been waiting for 2 episodes now..

And has anyone else noticed the nipple piercing of Dylan?

And where's Max?? he's on and off every 2 episodes, not to mention that the writers almost killed him off the screen the last 2 seasons. It's like they'r stuck with a character they don't find any way to kill off - but hey, let's bring him back with a huge storyline, and still not show him on screen!

Isabel said...

Also, you'r so right about Angela Robinson!! she has written and directed my fav episodes!

A BIG HIP FOR HER! hopes she makes the newt 6 ones of this season!

Solo said...

i have just few lil notes about this episode :)
first already recognize that the episode is directed by this brilliant lady :Angela Robinson.respect..
second...dunno what will happen to Jenni i ll be the one to kill ya....all this i forbid u is freaking insane...but what do i know..
third...very important one : did NOT miss preggi-durtyfeety-gay Max...the 8th wonder of the is THAT possible....
nd i think the most important one is : niiiiiiiiiiiiicely much of HELLena....for the thoughts i had seeing her on the floor i ll go to HELLewood for sure

Crystal said...

Hey Arlan Ive been reading your blog for quite some time now and i was wondering if it were at all possible to include a main link with just the 10 reasons for L word so people could just go to that section and catch up. I enjoy reading everything but lately i am loving your posts on these. and its so true about Angela Robinson.

Southern Comfort said...

It seems I have a comment on each reason!
10. Thank you for posting this pic. It's good stuff.
9. I <3 Bette. I have since Season One, Episode One. My ex says I remind her of Bette. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
8. Ms. Robinson is the SH*T!!! I've enjoyed everything I've seen by her.
7. Helena's accent is sex on a platter.
6. I totally remember that episode. The Sugarbaker sisters did not play.
5. Don't we all know someone with a little Jenny inside of them!?!? Terra has an amazing voice.
4. The rundown by Nikki, has been said to many times. Is it me, or is Nikki looking a little crazy this season?!?!
3. When I see Elizabeth, I can't help but see the scene from 'Showgirls' where she is licking the stripper pole. And all I can think is where is the Lysol and Listerine.
2. I love, love, loved Alice in this episode. Also, loved the threesome vibe in the air with her, and Tasha's hot friend.
1. I so thought of your obsession, I mean marriage to Rachel during this scene. LOL

Arlan, you are good stuff! Keep the blogs coming.