"Slim Lickin's"

GUEST BLOGGER ALERT!! GUEST BLOGGER ALERT!!

by Jescas! (pictured above)

Today my post should be known as "Your Daily Random Moments from a Lesbian." It's Friday night. This is normally my FAVORITE night. A night filled with dance, drinks and fantasTIT conversation. But apparently the higher above is too busy reminding me that I'm a woman to put a little slice of heaven on my lap. Too bad because I enjoyed my girl Nohnoh's hilarious flirtatious banter all damn day and I've spent the night harassing Arlan on every front. Through all of this, I have some randomness to you from me....

1. You know in the movies when a woman is bathing, how she raises her leg in the air, extends it and washes it? Can I just say...I tried this. About an hour ago. And was not graceful by any means. And lets think about it a little bit, who the hell came up with the idea to do it? It was so awkward. More awkward I am sure than Paris Hilton presenting a book report in English Class:

Paris Hilton: "So....like....when I read the book. I read it. And it was like....good. When I think back on why I read it, I realize it was because I wanted to....and that's HOT. It's really hot. So I think you should all read it, cuz like......everyone should read Green Eggs and Ham and support vegetarianism".

2. I simply adore the Honey Bunches of Oats lady that says "It's like a mouthful of Joy." And for reasons completely unknown, I would love for that to be said to me. By Kelly Clarkson. In a room with a rotating round bed. With these three things present: pink leather restraints found at Goodvibes, Kelis' "Bossy" playing in the background, and a chocolate chip cookie. Don't worry about it. Just take it all in.

3. Can McDonalds just come out with the American Idol meal and call it the McPhee meal. Please?! Because every time I see her name, my mouth waters. Not because shes hot (Well she is. But I don't think of Arlan's wife like that. Its just disrespectful). It waters because I'm thinking about my hands molesting a gorgeous sausage egg mcmuffin. So fresh and tasty. Get off my damn fingers and get in my mouth. Wait...flashback.

4. This is what happens when I see a hot chick:


So ladies, in conclusion: We like Kelly Clarkson and her bangin bod. McPhee should come with a side of fries. And hot women deserve their own theme music. Yep, that about sums it all up.

I'm going to finish moving into my new place, but enjoy your weekend! And think of me when you eat your Honey Bunches of Oats!

-J

Note from Arlan: see Jescas' previous blog entries here and here and here:-)