slippery when wet.

so, this is what im thinkin:

everyone who's reading this (all the ladies, sorry guys), meet me at around 7pm today. if you're reading this tomorrow, consider tomorrow TODAY. cause i wanna do this EVERY DAMN DAY.

meet me at 7, and everyone bring one bottle of KY. i will supply the little blow up pool and some sort of grassy area. then eeeeveryone strip down your underthings (my new fav word). i will, of course, be the referee...



whoever wins gets...wait...

whoever wins?? i think its very safe to say that anyone who attends and participates in this event is already a winner. am i wrong??

i'll also need two or three (or 10) british women to wrestle AND to be the announcers throughout the competition (and later at my place).

ooh that gave me such a great idea. i dont know if youve read my recent bulletin on myspace about the british ladies, but i have a bit of a obsession crush on all of them/you. and wouldnt it be just fantastic, if some of them/you could video tape themselves reading from a book and send it to me? or from a magazine. or from a newspaper.

or from the back of a cereal box.

mmm...

seriously...film it and then you can make it a private vid on youtube or myspace...then send me the link:-) GOOD TIMES.

Show me yours and i'll show you mines...

sorry for the last 25 seconds. crazy yelling dude = no more girl erection. but the first 2 minutes = great times!


(from "Show Me")

the mirror has two faces

this is a scene from a 1977 German movie called "Bilitis"...

paper dolls

the real real wedding crashers...


(from the 2005 movie "Standing Still")

hot buttered popcorn

ok someone left a comment on the post from yesterday that linked to this video...and it said "its a video of arlan!" at first i thought i was gonna be offended, especially when i saw the first 5 seconds of it...

but then...lol...god yeah this shit's hilarious...and it would be a white chick that he/she's goin after at the theater. haha...


(from "MadTV")

"damn, that's a french-ass name girl!" <--my favorite line
"the back of yo head is riDICuhlous!" <--my second favorite line

id like to think that im a bit more attractive than this he/she...and that im a tad bit smoother. but uh...yeah thats funny. thanks *anonymous*

*Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!*

this chick's awesome. i wanna go to an aquarium with her.



if youre young and gay, send her somethin and help the girl out. she begged!

to get in touch with Lise, go to her youtube profile at www.youtube.com/xKillxMexKissxMe

so uh, your mom's a dyke.

this is awesome. mostly cause its confusing and a little scary. and as we all know, those are two of my biggest turn-ons;-)

did this make me gay?

yes. yes it did.



from the Lifetime movie "The Truth About Jane."

this post is a shoutout to my straight friend Sarah for sitting through this movie with me night after night a few years ago. remember i used to force you to watch it up in my room on my little tv/vcr combo thingy? i kept the vhs recording in my top drawer with my underthings and when i opened it, id light up.

and remember how i said "underthings" up there, just now? thats for Sarah too.

underthings.

i remember when this movie first aired, i wished SO hard that they had something like it when i was 16 and coming out to myself and other people. and also, the chick who played Taylor is hot. and the chick who played Jane is hot. and her parents said that a lot of other "bigger" celebs in hollywood were offered the part, but turned it down cause they were chicken shit. i added the chicken shit part. but thats the reason.

these days, if you go gay, you're almost guaranteed an oscar nomination. let that be a lesson to you hollywood parents!

if you wanna see the rest of this movie, click on the vid and it will take you to the original post. then go to the user's profile and you can see all the vids. or you can go to your local vid store and pick up a copy. netflix and blockbuster.com will do the trick as well.

aol: another. online. lesbian.

i recently explained the origin of my name in a comment on slo & green's blog. i was named after my mom's ex boyfriend. arlan is a dude's name. i am a gay chick. thats sorta ironical and shit. and yes i said "ironical." im not taking it down.

today i shook cyber hands with a lady who shares what has become my blessing and my curse. her name is....wait for it...

Kevyn!

how hot is that? i dont know about you, but i think thats pretty fuckin' hot.

you know its like how Charlize Theron's close friends call her "Charlie." the mere thought of her answering to CHARLIE sets my pants afire. is "afire" a real word?

anywaaaayz...Kevyn Abernathy is a self-proclaimed "professional blogger" on AOL's gay & lesbian blog www.queersighted.com. there are 8 contributors to this blog, and Kevyn (hot name!) is the only lady-lovin-lady.
there's another chick on there, but she's straight, so she cant be trusted. *wink*

go to the site and check it out. its super gay and lots of fun. and we could all use some more AOL and Tylenol in our lives. couldnt we? man, i need a sponsor for this blog! *thinking...*

you know, my business cards say "professional lesbian." one day i hope to be a professional blogger as well. and a professional lady-pleaser. and a professional word-creator. and a professional cunnilinguist. hee.

thats it. im totally going to kinkos tomorrow and getting a business card made up that just says "Professional Cunnilinguist" with my phone number on the back. fuck yeah. we should all get some made! it can be our secret society. that wont be secret as soon as a bunch of lesbians walk into their local kinkos and get the cards made.

but whatevs...

firestarter...

first jaime pressly, now scarlett johansson. the girls' got TASTE!


(from last night's Saturday Night Live)

speaking of Scarlett, who remembers my post about her from last October? check it out by clicking right here<--.

mmmm...

i remember a time, when it was(nt) easy...

so my buddy Terra just posted a new docu video on youtube. its one of 5 that will premiere on youtube each saturday, leading up to the worldwide release of her first major label (Island) single, "Say It's Possible."

i looove the vid...makes me miss her even more now that shes in london. oh and the friend she mentions who texts her while shes in her tent...is me:



go hear more music at www.myspace.com/terranaomi and see lots (LOTS!) more vids at www.youtube.com/terranaomi!

(we'll file this under "lesbian-friendly" ;-) )

ladies, the pleasure was ALL mine...

its been just about 6 months since i first discovered "Lizzy the Lezzy", featured her on my blog, and asked her creator Ruth to marry me. and are we married? nooo. but we're great mates now and thats even better! and maybe one day, she'll let me give her some tongue...

here's the latest hot off the uh...presses?





she has lots and lots more vids on her myspace page at www.myspace.com/ruthselwyn so check em out!

oh and in case you missed the part where Lizzy tried to help me out after i spent months complaining to Ruth about not having a girlfriend, you gotta see this:





feel EVER SO free to pass this one along!

click here to get the embed code for this vid and help me get a date:-)

why i felt this thunder...

um....awesome?



this is a song she wrote...and i just dig the way she sings. pretty cool for somethin she did in her living room. dont ya think? oh and if you're hearing an accent, its cause shes from Denmark. good times.

oh and she has the vid listed under "lesbian" so im going to assume the song is for a chick. i hope she'll write a comment soon and let us know if im right:-)

mie's youtube addy is www.youtube.com/haycock if you wanna see more vids.

there's definitely potential here...

are you ready for a bigger one?

see, alls i gots to do is install this handy little room or have a mobile one that i can bring to clubs, and i'll be gettin chicks left and RIGHT!



"Lisa Edelstein and Kristin Dattilo kiss each other on ABC's "Relativity" (1996-7). This scene happened on an episode aired January 11, 1997, and it was one of the early female-female kisses shown on a prime-time show in America."

lesbian stripper...

i have several favorite words. among them are: nipple, nipples, wet, yes, hot, suck...etc.

also, "lesbian," and "stripper." and when those two words are used at the same time, thats a good time.

now, whether you agree with the art of stripping, or if you think this chick is a hot stripper, or you're a stripper yourself...whatEVER. just watch it cause its interesting. to me at least. cause see, she's a lesbian. and she strips. there's no need to overanalyze, and if her nails are too long, remember, i am not her manicurist. i do not do the nails of every porn lesbian in existence. *whew* ok sorry, a little archived frustration from some of the comments i get when i try to provide quality (and not so quality) clips of bitches makin out.



its like Suge said in "The Color Purple." "Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance, and holla just wanting to be loved. Look at them trees. Notice how the trees do everything people do to get attention... except walk?"



course, there's always the money, too.

we all need a little Sugar Rush...

a few days ago, i told you guys about a wonderful new website out of england called Lovegirls. (http://lovegirls.co.uk/) one of their first features is an interview with the two stars of the UK lezzy (recently cancelled...boo!) tv show "Sugar Rush." the interview is really great, and at the end of it, my site even gets a mention.

after reading the interview, i decided to check out what all the fuss was about. luckily, a chick on youtube has posted lots of the episodes for us to check out and i think you guys will absolutely LOVE this show. so i thought we'd have a little screening for those of us outside of the UK. imagine thousands of women watching this at the same time in 50+ countries around the world. i can almost hear the sound of the collective moan.

"Sugar Rush" Season 1, Episode 1, Part 1:


Season 1, Episode 1, Part 2:


--> click here to see part 3.

if you enjoyed that, you can see the rest of the episodes of seasons 1 and 2 by going to www.youtube.com/Blitz9287 <--- and clicking on "videos"...

and dont forget to go to the Lovegirls website linked above to read the interview with the two stars, see some cool pics, and join the petition to keep the show on the air!

ebony...and ivory...

so im gonna need all 45,000 or so of you to help me figure out if this is a purple string wearin' lady, or a non-purple string wearin lady...

cause i kinda...wanna...marry her:

the gayest show about pregnancy ABC has ever produced...

if you watch General Hospital on a daily basis like i do, then you've probably been bombarded for the past month or so with commercials about the new ABC show "Notes from the Underbelly." im usually not a fan of lite comedy targeted at early 30somethings on...well...ABC (cept for maybe "Desperate Housewives") but since its starring the amazing Jennifer Westfeldt, i knew i had to give it a chance.

and...survey says? well its pretty damned funny, even if youre not straight, 30something, or middle class:

(at 2:06) we see a glimmer of our old Jennifer:-) )

Jennifer of course co-wrote, co-produced and starred in one of the top 5 lezzy movies of all time, "Kissing Jessica Stein." if you havent seen this movie yet, go directly to Blockbuster. do not pass go!


if Paris from Gilmore Girls had an affair with Samantha from Sex in the City, their lovechild would be "Cooper," played by Raechel Harris. she definitely has the shows' best lines. ive loved her since "Fat Actress" (another fucking amazing comedy). you may also recognize her from the Christopher Guest movies.


so yeah, watch the show with me next Wednesday and we'll do each others nails and have a pillow fight afterwards!

remember a simpler time?

thanks to Daisy <--- for bringing back such great memories...

this clip was in the L Word's season 1 DVD extras:


whats' a matter you?

i wonder what its like to be straight.

does that make me straightcurious?

this is hot:


if there is anyone who finds any problem with that clip, i ask that that person please seek help immediately!

oh, and by the way, that's basically the clip that loops continuously in my mind. but only when im awake. or asleep.

so i was saying, i wonder what its like to be a straight woman. i never wanna find out personally, but it just intrigues me. cause i can get a woman being attracted to men. thats cool. you dont have to set up shop with a dyke to be cool in my book. to each his own. but i just dont understand how any woman could look at something like whats up there (and looping right now in my mind) and NOT want to experience it at least one time.

are there really women out there who look at that and say "ew, gross." and mean it?? the problem is, if youre that woman, youre most likely not reading my blog so i cant hear from you. so i guess what i'll need you guys to do is go recruit a straight friend and ask her to answer. we might get some really interesting conversation going if lots of you do that. AND it'll be a good ice breaker if youve been trying to get that straight friend into bed. so its educational, and erotic. again, two of my nicknames in high school.

movies featured:

"Lost & Delirious"
"It's in the Water"
"Better than Chocolate"
"Girl Interrupted"

lesbos unite

like heartwarming stories about lesbian couples who beat the odds? not sure what "the odds" are? go check out this myspace page and read the "about me" section. i think you'll like it:-)

www.myspace.com/lesbosunitebymnj

i forgot about the bob haircut flashback scene...

y'all remember when the L Word's sex scenes used to be longer than 15 seconds? and remember when Bette and Tina were the show's anchors? and remember when they used to *do it* ALL the freakin' time and it was hot?

yeah...


and remember when you used to put on Shania Twain's "Still the One" and dance around the room holding your pillow close to your bosoms and feeling at one with its heartbeat while your stuffed animals watched on the bed and applauded your love until your mom came into the room and wondered why you were 16 and still talking to your stuffed animals and she switched the music back to Garbage so you wouldnt creep her out as much?

no? just me? k...

she likes boys, girls, and panda bears...

so the Bouchers of Australia are like the Baldwin brothers or the Arquette family of L.A.. without all the drugs.

and as some of you might know, ive been in love with Butterfly Boucher's music for years, ever since seeing her rock out on the Sharon Osborne show. i've pretty much figured out that i'll never have a chance with Butterfly. and its not because i once interviewed her for my magazine, was tres suave, and then stuffed it up by begging her to fly to Ca-nadia and marry me. no, its mostly cause i think she likes boys.

but i guess when you have 6 sisters with names just as awesome as yours, the odds say that at least one of 'em has to be playing for our team (at least some of the time), right? right. so in walks 20-year-old sister slash indie artist Harmony Boucher (aka HarmonyB). and once again, i am in love. but this time, i sorta have a chance! and this time, i'll try to be less creepy! yay!

HarmonyB's "Pinch My Face"

that couldnt have been good for her eyes...

there's a 2nd version of this video on Harmony's myspace page at www.myspace.com/harmonyboucher. its called the "80s Disco version." yes, go...now...pounce.

my favorite track on her myspace page is actually a demo called "actionreaction." i hope she continues in this direction. there's also a rumor (that she started) that she has an EP available for purchase. grab a copy. your ipod will thank you.

oh and if you need another reason to like Harmony, here ya go:




she has this listed in the "instructional" category on myspace. two extra points!

roll your boobs a-Shore...

i didnt make it to Dinah Shore Weekend this year, but 1:58-1:49 in this clip alone are enough to make sure that i WILL be in attendance next year. i'll be first in line...



who wants to get a room with me? :-)

Mississippi Queen...

i stumbled across this clip today...



i was born in mississippi and most of my family lives there. and as you all know, im super, mega gay. like really, really super gay. so i wonder if i would technically be someone theyre looking for. it sounds like its going to be interesting!

go to www.myspace.com/msqueendocumentary for more info!

pimp my bride...

*sigh*

oh, Mcphee. *shakes head*

i wish i could quit you.



thanks again to my "lil sis" <--- for sending this to me.

Jo-Jo would go gay for Shane too...

there's been a whole lotta Amy Poehler up in my blog this week. and here comes some more!

i was catching up on Lisa P.'s blog on Ourchart today and was very pleased to see that Amy told a magazine that her "girl crush" is Kate Moennig:-)

you can read the whole (hilarious) interview by clicking RIGHT CH'ERE. <--

and definitely check out Lisa's blog. i know a lot of you do already. there are lots of pics of Kate and Leisha from Dinah Shore Weekend posted, plus lots more. click here to see today's post...

emo bangs...

lately, personal "vlogs" have been really intriguing to me. i'll admit that ive spent a few hours on youtube this week looking at people talk into a camera. i guess its cause i love people. and i love learning about people, and getting a glimpse into strangers' lives.

so this chick i found, Emily, is in high school. ive never talked to her, but shes just interesting to me. and what she has to say towards the middle/end probably hits close to home for a lot of people who read my blog. so uh...watch it and stuff.


(click here to see her youtube profile and more vids.)

i was "bi" before i was a lesbian too. and most of my GAY-ass friends were all "bi" before they were gay. it was just an easier transition for me...and for others, i guess? i mean, it gives your mom a couple of extra years to still imagine you with a husband and 2 kids. ya know?

so im not saying that bisexuality doesnt exist, cause it DOES! i know it does. but ive had this conversation with friends since the beginning of time (aka 1999): when youre first coming out, do lots of people just throw the word "bi" out there to make it easier on their friends and on themselves? should you wait a few years with chicks before you officially label yourself bi? if you fantasize about women, only have sex with women, can only really imagine yourself ending up with a woman, and maybe once a month see a guy who you find attractive and would make out with, does that make you bi or just...human? does "bi" rhyme with "lie" for a reason?

and will Miranda come out of the closet? will Big show us how big he really is? will Charlotte & Samantha finally *do it*?

hee...sorry, when i was asking those questions, i felt all *Carrie/Sex in the City*.

proceed with the comments...

ive just about seen it all now...

:-)

so blog reader "yo" just posted about this vid on the little chatterbox on the right of the site. and uh...

yeah well just look:



AMAZING.

"all that breast...all that breast inside that shiiiirt."

lol

if you like stuff like this (which if youre reading this blog, you probably do) go to www.myspace.com/jennyowenyoungs to hear her version of Nelly's "Hot in Herre."

tres jolie...

i have TWO NEW Angelina Jolie shirt & hoodie designs that ive just introduced!!

to purchase, go to my myspace page @ www.myspace.com/idgogayforangelina and look below the profile song on the left.

get at them bitches! ;-)

"this is arlan's best tshirt design idea since...her last one. and you should take her out on a date. and she makes a great girlfriend. and she gave me the best sex of my life!" -anonymous (but really just arlan in italics.)

speaking at gettin at bitches, J & W...i'll see you bitches on friday! :-)

there's some gay-ass bee charmin' goin on...

its a movie written by a lesbian named Fannie.

i'll give you a moment to let all that marinate.

"Fried Green Tomatoes" is the gayest non-gay movie since "The Color Purple."



this is SUCH an amazing movie. i never noticed how lesbian that bee tasting scene is. or how lesbian that train hopping scene is. or how lesbian that....every...single...scene is. and the book is supposed to be chauk full of the gay, as im sure most of you know. im going to order the book right now on Amazon.com so i can catch up to you guys. i know im like 15 years late, but there's a lot of *gay* i have to process on a daily basis.

oh and the song in this clip is "Good Enough" by Sarah Mclachlan. and ive ALWAYS thought that if someone ever needed to play Sarah in a movie, it should be Mary-Louise Parker.

catch Mary on Showtime's "Weeds" and catch Mary Stuart Masterson on episodes of SVU.

if you haven't seen it, go rent FGT tonight and let me know what you think!

me & kathy mcphee

call 'er my lova...call 'er my friend...

the people who read my blog are fuckin' amazing! check out these two pics that were made for me:-)


by this chick <---

&


by this chick <---

disturbing? perhaps. hilarious? absolutely! i love em!

oh and there is a caption contest with the original picture over on my myspace page...click right HERE to vote for your favorite caption entries...yay!

...but im scrappy!

when i try to "hit on" a chick, i have Shakespeare in my head and Maya Angelou in my heart...but when i talk, its all Jo-Jo...


lol...

perhaps this is why im single? but hey, im scrappy!

The Notebook

i dont know who these people are or where theyre from, but i love this video.



*here's* to best friends!

for the amy winehouse fans, new and old...

i knew she reminded me of someone...

if you like Amy Winehouse (see my post about her from yesterday), check out my friend Steph Johnson from right here in San Diego.



her myspace page is www.myspace.com/stephjohnsonband

i especially like "true love" on the player...